Valentine's Day drama WIBU?

[scarlettcarbonara]

Dh has been unwell for the past week and hasn't made it out to get a valentines card. Seemingly he's also forgot how to use Amazon/Moonpig etc. I haven't made a fuss about it but as it's now apparent I don't have a card for tomorrow I feel a bit put out. Especially as he did a similar thing last year.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not bothered about big statement gifts. But for me a small card is just a token of appreciation. It shouldn't really be a chore and it's not hard work. He's made noises about how he really ought to get to the shop to get me a card which to me just screams of him wanting me to tell him not to bother and don't worry about it. I've calmly tried to explain that there's no point bothering now because he's made it into such a drama and faff thats not what it's about. If he really wanted to sort something he could have popped out and got one without saying anything like I did with his weeks ago.

Aibu to think this is piss poor? Yes he's been unwell but there would have been chance before that. And there's always the internet. Last year something happened where he was otherwise engaged and 'unable' to get me one too. He's usually pretty good otherwise so maybe he just doesn't care about Valentine's Day and I don't either really but it just stings a bit really.

I'd be annoyed at this too. Ignore all the dismissive comments - DH & I have been married for nearly 50 years and we always exchange cards and some token chocs. It's a small gesture but it's important to us.

My birthday is not long after Valentine‘s Day so my dh usually buys the flowers for me then instead of the 14th because of the inflated cost on V’s D but hey I’ll take it (married 26 yrs😂) he does give me a nice present like jewelry, card, and chocolates though. One year early on in our relationship he sent a box of roses to my work and it was so lovely. It was a pink box with a red ribbon and red roses inside with a card. I will never forget it 😍

To me it's the same thing as the person who says 'I's sorry, I forgot to post your birthday card/your present is on the kitchen table, I'll give it to you when I see you next time'

And 'next time' never comes.

Either bother or don't, but shuttup about it.

I'd say yabu for saying you don't care about it when you obviously do.

We won't mark it with tat, I'm planning a nice dinner but that will be it.

We don't do valentines...it's just on of those days in the calendar that's commercialised.

My husband has got me one and I haven't got him one.
I hope he won't be on Mumsnet tomorrow sayings he's being taken for granted and he gets a LTB (leave the bitch!).

❤️

It's no so much the card itself is it, or how long you've been together or that other people don't mark Valentines Day, it's that he's not bothered with something that means something to you.

DH and I mark it, with cards and a nice dinner at home. We (probably very unromantically) discussed expectations around our first Valentines Day, and that's what we've stuck to.

In our case he's the more romantic of the two of us so I try and make a bit more effort than comes naturally at Valentines because it makes him happy. I draw a line at cheesy gifts and restaurant meals out though as that's too over the top for me.

It's about considering the other person and their feelings, more than what Valentines Day is or isn't to other people.

Some responses are harsh. Whether anyone celebrates valentines or not, is not the point.

I think v day is bullshit but I'd be pretty pissed if my DP didn't bother. We both love taking the piss every year and buy each other outlandishly shit gifts. It's just something we have fun doing and it's become part of our relationship. So it matters.

Regardless of what your view is, if this is something that's important to you and is part of your idea of being in a loving relationship, then he is failing at making an effort to do something that clearly makes u happy but takes no more than 5 mins online to sort out.

I'm hoping he's got something sorted for you as a surprise.

To repeat PPs: if it’s important to you that he makes a token gesture, you need to say so. Clearly and without resentment.

So if he’s saying “I really should go out to get you a card.” Your response should be a clear but calm “Yes, you really should. Or find some other way to make a gesture. Especially after last year.”

As you say, he could have thought of Amazon or moon pig, then there wouldn’t be the pressure now. But he didn’t so he can go out now. He can order you some next day flowers. He could look on the Internet for ways to make you a card that won’t seem half-hearted. He could write you a poem. He doesn’t have to go to the shop. But the gesture is important to you and you should tell him that.

yabu, grow up

Yup, they do.

I suppose in our case it is helped by the fact that 14th Feb is also our Wedding Anniversary. 36 years married now. We always do anniversary and Valentines cards.

I’ve bought my DH a card today with a picture of a plant and the words I’m a succa for you. It was only afterwards that I realised I might be getting his hopes up.

We've used the same cards for about 10 years, plus a bunch of asda flowers and favourite beers. No point getting upset about it. Its commercial bs.

Without sounding cheesy it appears that you have different love languages. You like gifting and/or words of appreciation (hence why you are happy with just a card). That is maybe not his way of showing how he cares

Read up on it. Maybe one of the others is more him (acts of service, quality time, physical touch). Once you know each others it can save a lot of stress

If you want a card, let him go get a card. Don't tell him not to do it then get mad about not getting one.

Another ridiculous construct to sell cards and guilt people into making a statement, as with Mothers/Fathers day etc.
Plays into the insecure and needy, making them feel 'unloved' if some grand gesture is not given

We don't do cards or anything, we get a steak instead 😋

We don't do Valentines and never have in our 16 years together. Some do some don't simple as that.

I did enjoy seeing how busy Asda was with men getting flowers and cards tonight... Meanwhile I bought myself a normal bunch of flowers as I do fortnightly along with our shop 😂

I didn’t think adults did Valentine’s Day!

That is poor op.
Working at a marriage,romance,talking etc is important,some don't need or want cards some find it all a consumer spending effort,everyone is different,but to you it's important and it's important enough that his lack of effort has upset you.
Tell him so.🌈

Grow up!

It's a load of commercial bullshit don't buy into it. How he treats you the other 364 days it what's important

Yes tomorrow night restaurants across the land will be populated entirely by children and teens 🙄

So many people on MN have this attitude that fun stops when adulthood starts. Never met anyone like it in real life.

YABU for being bothered. We never buy cards or gifts. We use it as an excuse for takeaway but that's it.