Page 6 | Valentine's Day drama WIBU?

scarlettcarbonara · 2023-02-13T17:00:19+00:00

Dh has been unwell for the past week and hasn't made it out to get a valentines card. Seemingly he's also forgot how to use Amazon/Moonpig etc. I haven't made a fuss about it but as it's now apparent I don't have a card for tomorrow I feel a bit put out. Especially as he did a similar thing last year. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bothered about big statement gifts. But for me a small card is just a token of appreciation. It shouldn't really be a chore and it's not hard work. He's made noises about how he really ought to get to the shop to get me a card which to me just screams of him wanting me to tell him not to bother and don't worry about it. I've calmly tried to explain that there's no point bothering now because he's made it into such a drama and faff thats not what it's about. If he really wanted to sort something he could have popped out and got one without saying anything like I did with his weeks ago. Aibu to think this is piss poor? Yes he's been unwell but there would have been chance before that. And there's always the internet. Last year something happened where he was otherwise engaged and 'unable' to get me one too. He's usually pretty good otherwise so maybe he just doesn't care about Valentine's Day and I don't either really but it just stings a bit really.

gawditswindy · 13/02/2023 19:51

I'm really surprised anyone could have 'forgotten' Valentine's Day. The local shops are rammed with Valentine's stuff, even down to the local butchers and opticians having stuff in their windows. I've had emails from companies referencing it and local restaurants and shops have been advertising their Val Day offerings on social media. Even if you're totally chill and don't give a fragment of a shit about the occasion, surely you're not walking about with your eyes shut.

jays · 13/02/2023 19:52

Coffeellama · 13/02/2023 17:25

he's made it into such a drama

Nope, no he hasn’t. Been not arsed by Valentine’s Day, he’s been ill and was hoping you wouldn’t be so bothered by a piece of cardboard. It’s you who’s made it a drama, it’s not ‘piss poor’ it’s a piece of tat that means nothing. YABU. If neither of you care about Valentine’s Day what’s your problem?

It’s not for you to decide what something means to someone else.

Chilesstanton · 13/02/2023 19:53

Couldn’t get worked up about this, particularly if dh had been sick for a week.

Greentree1 · 13/02/2023 19:54

Maybe you will get a card or something tomorrow.

endoftheworldniteclub · 13/02/2023 19:55

What would you do with the card though? …

RingRingRingGoesTheTelephone · 13/02/2023 19:56

gawditswindy · 13/02/2023 19:51

I'm really surprised anyone could have 'forgotten' Valentine's Day. The local shops are rammed with Valentine's stuff, even down to the local butchers and opticians having stuff in their windows. I've had emails from companies referencing it and local restaurants and shops have been advertising their Val Day offerings on social media. Even if you're totally chill and don't give a fragment of a shit about the occasion, surely you're not walking about with your eyes shut.

I Wfh and haven't visited the shops for a couple of weeks, my husband did the food shop the past 2 weekends, I honestly had forgotten until this evening. No spam emails, nothing.

tuvamoodyson · 13/02/2023 19:56

mydogisthebest · 13/02/2023 19:42

Well I am lucky as my husband gives me spontaneous presents, often buys me flowers, takes me out for meals and cooks lovely meals for me. He also always buys me a Valentine's card and usually a present.

Doesn't have to be either/or you know

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Same here! I’m loved and appreciated the other 364 days too! But we’ll exchange cards tomorrow and we’re going out for lunch to our favourite restaurant….absolutely no ‘had to’ here, thank goodness!

Coffeellama · 13/02/2023 19:57

jays · 13/02/2023 19:52

It’s not for you to decide what something means to someone else.

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OP asked for opinions… it’s kind of the point of the forum here.

ReneBumsWombats · 13/02/2023 19:57

endoftheworldniteclub · 13/02/2023 19:55

What would you do with the card though? …

Read it, enjoy it, put it on the shelf for a few days and take pleasure in it.

Is there something else you're supposed to do with cards?

NotTooOldPaul · 13/02/2023 19:59

I'm a real romantic.
I was out with my wife this afternoon. I said I need to go in that shop for something and pushed her wheelchair so she was right in front of the "To my husband" valentine cards. She chose one and I’ve managed to pay for it, and one from me to her, and not look at the one she chose.
We will exchange cards tomorrow.

HeckyPeck · 13/02/2023 20:02

mydogisthebest · 13/02/2023 19:01

Of course lots of couples do something for Valentine's but I am pretty sure you know that.

Been married 42 years and we always give each other a card and, often, a present. We have a nice meal usually either takeaway or cooking it ourselves. Some years we have gone away for the night or couple of nights.

We have one of the Valentine meal deals for tomorrow night and are going out for the day.

My parents gave each other a card for the 68 years they were married.

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Same here.

My Granddad thinks valentine's day is nonsense, but he gets my Nan a card every year because it makes her happy.

Reinventinganna · 13/02/2023 20:02

Dh isn’t really bothered about Valentine’s Day but usually cooks me my favourite dinner after work.
I like it so usually get him something. I usually make a card and get chocolates/champagne.
TBH you could probably argue that he shows more affection than me the rest of the year. Little things like he went up earlier and turned the heating up in the bathroom and shut the door so it would be warm for my bath or cleaning my car. It sounds silly but he shows affection in different ways, a card isn’t necessary.

Picklewicklepickle · 13/02/2023 20:03

I will never understand the MN aversion to buying cards or marking celebrations in any way, apparently no one should celebrate their birthday past the age of 18 either. Similarly the competition to have the cheapest/most miserable wedding ever because anything else is just for show and will end in divorce.

Fine if you don’t celebrate but some people clearly do and it doesn’t make you superior.

Took longer than I expected to hit the “it’s just commercialised rubbish/invented by Hallmark” bingo though 😆

I’d be a bit miffed as we usually send cards (and have done for the last 16 years), Moonpig requires zero effort so being ill isn’t an excuse unless he’s seriously unwell.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 13/02/2023 20:03

If you’re prepared to make this into a drama then you obviously haven’t got enough to worry about. Your DH has been ill. He doesn’t want to be arsed going out for a card. OP, it’s a piece of cardboard and you say he’s pretty good otherwise. Maybe you have to accept that he just doesn’t care about a hyped up and over commercialised thing like Valentine’s Day. If he treats you well and shows you he loves you in other ways, then you could definitely do worse and YABU.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 13/02/2023 20:04

Picklewicklepickle · 13/02/2023 20:03

I will never understand the MN aversion to buying cards or marking celebrations in any way, apparently no one should celebrate their birthday past the age of 18 either. Similarly the competition to have the cheapest/most miserable wedding ever because anything else is just for show and will end in divorce.

Fine if you don’t celebrate but some people clearly do and it doesn’t make you superior.

Took longer than I expected to hit the “it’s just commercialised rubbish/invented by Hallmark” bingo though 😆

I’d be a bit miffed as we usually send cards (and have done for the last 16 years), Moonpig requires zero effort so being ill isn’t an excuse unless he’s seriously unwell.

I’d take being shown in other ways that I’m loved, over a piece of cardboard any day.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 13/02/2023 20:05

When dh was in hospital after having major surgery to remove the cancer that killed him he ordered me a wedding anniversary card on amazon.

HeckyPeck · 13/02/2023 20:06

DotAndCarryOne2 · 13/02/2023 20:04

I’d take being shown in other ways that I’m loved, over a piece of cardboard any day.

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It's not either or though. My husband gets me a card and shows me he loves me every day.

I also suspect that someone who can't be bothered to spend 5 mins ordering a card to be delivered because they know it will make their partner happy (and conversely sad if she doesn't get one) isn't someone who shows their love everyday.

endoftheworldniteclub · 13/02/2023 20:06

ReneBumsWombats · 13/02/2023 19:57

Read it, enjoy it, put it on the shelf for a few days and take pleasure in it.

Is there something else you're supposed to do with cards?

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Don’t know. To me cards go in the bin, he’s right there next to her so he can tell her how he feels.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 13/02/2023 20:07

ReneBumsWombats · 13/02/2023 19:57

Read it, enjoy it, put it on the shelf for a few days and take pleasure in it.

Is there something else you're supposed to do with cards?

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Yep, not take them so seriously that you disproportionately regard the lack of them as some sort of slight, if your partner shows you every day in other ways that he loves you. It’s a bit of cardboard FFS !!

JimHensonWasAGenius · 13/02/2023 20:08

DotAndCarryOne2 · 13/02/2023 20:04

I’d take being shown in other ways that I’m loved, over a piece of cardboard any day.

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You can have both.

They are not mutually exclusive and what is "a piece of card" to you can mean a lot to many people.

IndiaDreamer · 13/02/2023 20:08

AFS1 · 13/02/2023 17:07

Do people in long-term relationships bother with Valentine’s Day? I always thought it was for teenagers and people in the first couple of years of dating.

36 years married and still sending cards.

Hellybelly84 · 13/02/2023 20:09

Not bothered in any way-its the little things that count every day to me (and also Hubby always cooks so I cant ask for anymore than that through the year) 😀We did Valentines when we were a new couple, but 20 years in, I do think its more for the newbies and its the every day stuff that counts more for me. But if he knew it was important to you and you always do cards etc, he should have at least done a moonpig one.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 13/02/2023 20:09

HeckyPeck · 13/02/2023 20:06

It's not either or though. My husband gets me a card and shows me he loves me every day.

I also suspect that someone who can't be bothered to spend 5 mins ordering a card to be delivered because they know it will make their partner happy (and conversely sad if she doesn't get one) isn't someone who shows their love everyday.

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Depends on whether that partner is so shallow as to regard that piece of cardboard as more important than the other ways in which he shows his love.

Picklewicklepickle · 13/02/2023 20:10

DotAndCarryOne2 · 13/02/2023 20:04

I’d take being shown in other ways that I’m loved, over a piece of cardboard any day.

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But if you like cards (I do) why not have both? No need to make a drama about it but it’s ok to be disappointed.

MysteryBelle · 13/02/2023 20:10

NotTooOldPaul · 13/02/2023 19:59

I'm a real romantic.
I was out with my wife this afternoon. I said I need to go in that shop for something and pushed her wheelchair so she was right in front of the "To my husband" valentine cards. She chose one and I’ve managed to pay for it, and one from me to her, and not look at the one she chose.
We will exchange cards tomorrow.

❤️❤️❤️