Valentine's Day drama WIBU?

[scarlettcarbonara]

Dh has been unwell for the past week and hasn't made it out to get a valentines card. Seemingly he's also forgot how to use Amazon/Moonpig etc. I haven't made a fuss about it but as it's now apparent I don't have a card for tomorrow I feel a bit put out. Especially as he did a similar thing last year.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not bothered about big statement gifts. But for me a small card is just a token of appreciation. It shouldn't really be a chore and it's not hard work. He's made noises about how he really ought to get to the shop to get me a card which to me just screams of him wanting me to tell him not to bother and don't worry about it. I've calmly tried to explain that there's no point bothering now because he's made it into such a drama and faff thats not what it's about. If he really wanted to sort something he could have popped out and got one without saying anything like I did with his weeks ago.

Aibu to think this is piss poor? Yes he's been unwell but there would have been chance before that. And there's always the internet. Last year something happened where he was otherwise engaged and 'unable' to get me one too. He's usually pretty good otherwise so maybe he just doesn't care about Valentine's Day and I don't either really but it just stings a bit really.

YANBU. We've always acknowledged Valentines Day and have been together since 1999. Unless you collectively agree not to bother he should make the very small effort to get you a card.

I could not fancy a man who fell for that commercialised nonsense.

Well you get the award for the most ridiculous and sneery post.

I think is it lovely that my DH buys me a present for Valentines that he knows I will like. He often buys me flowers or other presents like a book, cd, dvd etc throughout the year but Valentines is a good excuse to give a card and a present too

You don't have to.

Performative rejection of V Day isn't any different to performative embracing of it. Do what works for you and yours. There's nothing wrong with not liking it and there's nothing wrong with buying a card once a year if it makes your partner happy. In fact, if you know they'd like it and still make a point of not doing it, you're a churl.

Cd’s and dvd’s..?

I think you'll be safe, don't worry!

Oh yeah my DH who is lovely on VD, with flowers and cards and writing love poems ..

Total Cunt the rest of the year, but he's worth it for the one day
🙄

What's wrong with that?

If its important to you then he should realise that. I agree its not a huge thing, but, if you like to exchange cards he must know by now that you do, and making big noises so youre prepared for the disappointment shows that he knows you would like one .

Next year say, early feb .. ", lets be clear, no gifts but we can do cards, yes ? "
Make sure he knows you would be disappointed if not.

And ignore those who say it doesnt matter if youre in a long relationship.. they do them, you do you.
I like a card too, so I get you.
Xx

Nothing. Just haven’t heard of anyone using them for 10 years so. I remember trying to give my dvd’s away but not even the charity shop would take them. Felt like such a waste..

I'm sorry that you're ill and I do hope you make a swift recovery, but I'm not buying an excuse that the OP's husband being ill for a week is a reason that he hasn't done anything.

Is he aware that you can buy cards for any time and get them sent at any time, not straightaway once you click the "Buy Now" button?

You can schedule a reminder too - I could set one this year to remind me on 1st Feb to send a card.

I know today has been taken over by Hallmark, but it was St Valentine's Day long before it was a 'Hallmark holiday'.

Why couldn't he buy a card for you weeks ago? I mean in my supermarket they have been selling Easter Eggs and St Valentine's day and St Patrick's Day stuff side by side. I'm genuinely surprised that I have yet to see Mother's Day stuff on sale yet!!

If your relationship is worth more than a cursory nod to, then he should get the finger out. He didn't do it last year, he hasn't done it this year. Make sure that this doesn't become a trend that you silently seethe and he manages to get away with it year after year after year.

@DuplicateUserName - in relation to this comment you posted:
"It's not 'uncool' or anything like that but I think it's only a good thing if both of you want to do it. I don't think it's fair for one person to feel forced and also, whenever these threads come up, the OP always says "But I always make the effort".

Surely the OP's husband should want to make his wife happy and if buying her card for St Valentine's Day does that, why isn't he doing that?

The OP wants to get her husband a card, then that also makes her happy. If he doesn't want it on display, he doesn't have to put it on display but it makes the OP happy when she does that for him (and a bit for her). Why can't her husband plan and make his wife happy by reciprocating? I agree that it shouldn't be forced but why wouldn't a husband/wife want to show their life partner that they loves them? It's such an easy thing to do.

Yes, it is such an easy thing to do, isn't it?

It's almost like it's completely meaningless, not in any way a measurement or indicator of how much someone actually loves you, but just a way of telling people that if they don't give money to the greetings card industry, they are a bad partner.

Funny that.

Gosh op I’m sure people think we are incredibly high maintenance but I too would be put out! It’s just giving a thought isn’t it if it’s something your partner cares about, I can understand couples where both could care less but if my dp was into something I would partake for him and get a card even if I wasn’t bothered🤷🏼‍♀️ It’s just nice to be nice isn’t it. I don’t think being sick is much excuse assuming he isn’t absolutely reeking, surely he could just order one online with ease! At least he is otherwise good though!!!

Surely doing nice things to make your loved ones happy is a measure of how much you care about them though.

We have little Lego figures on our kitchen sideboard and often move them around into stupid poses because it makes my DSD laugh. Totally meaningless to anyone in the grand scheme of things, but we do it because it makes her happy.

I'm sure most relationships whether romantic or otherwise are full of tiny gestures that make the other person happy but others might find meaningless.

Anyway, i'm glad my relationships are all full of stupid little gestures where we try to make eachother happy.

Tbh you areaking a massive drama out of this.

We haven't bothered with valentine's for years. It's just commercialised bollocks.

Oh god, MN is so predictable....the same stuff every year!
Dh and I are together since 1999 and we always give each other a card for Valentine's Day. Dh works in a creative industry and very often makes my card, including this year.

I don't throw cards like this away, I have a box I put them in afterwards, same with birthday cards from each other. I am sentimental, as is DH.

We are nice to each other all year round, we often buy each other small presents just because. Dh regularly buys me flowers etc.

It takes all sorts but I honestly couldn't live in such practical, no frills relationships as so many here seem to have / want. Life is short and dh and I make the very most of our time together and we're very lovey dovey even 23 years later. We are each others absolute favourite people and we're always showing each other that.

We still buy and use cd's and dvd's. I guess we are old fashioned (well definitely old) but prefer to have cd's to play rather than stream music.

I love charity shops and all the ones I go to still have dvd's. In fact I bought one at the weekend

There's a world of difference between genuine, sweet, individualised, loving gestures like you moving the Lego figures for your stepdaughter (which is really lovely), and someone marching to the newsagent to fork out 3 quid for a card they don't even look at because the greetings card industry told them they need to do it on this particular date.

Your action comes from a place of love and instinct, not a place of duty/social norms.

What I do regret is chucking out all my cassette tapes from when I was little. I had lots. I look at them in charity shops now and think they look pretty cool. Not that I could play them anywhere but still. I even bought one I used to have and loved, for display. 🙂

probably get shot for going against the grain here BUT I have been here, and I personally feel its more about making an effort and trying to keep the romance alive. If excuses are being made after 3 years what will it be like after 10? What’s next, an excuse for Christmas and Birthdays?

It doesn’t have to be grand gestures but to me the lack of thought is hurtful and sad. I know a lot of people aren’t bothered but it takes little money or effort to buy a cheap bunch of flowers or a nice card on a day that lots of other people will be celebrating their love and relationships x

someone marching to the newsagent to fork out 3 quid for a card they don't even look at because the greetings card industry told them they need to do it on this particular date.

What if it was because their partner likes Valentine cards and wanted to receive one?

I do wish those who aren't bothered about Valentine's would stop being so supercilious about it. It matters to some people (and for the record it does matter to many adults) and not to others. Neither side is right or wrong. Not caring about it, or proclaiming that you 'don't do Hallmark holidays', doesn't make you superior beings, you know.

You're the one making the drama

Oh we still have some cassette tapes and a player!