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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Valentine's Day drama WIBU?

217 replies

scarlettcarbonara · 13/02/2023 17:00

Dh has been unwell for the past week and hasn't made it out to get a valentines card. Seemingly he's also forgot how to use Amazon/Moonpig etc. I haven't made a fuss about it but as it's now apparent I don't have a card for tomorrow I feel a bit put out. Especially as he did a similar thing last year.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not bothered about big statement gifts. But for me a small card is just a token of appreciation. It shouldn't really be a chore and it's not hard work. He's made noises about how he really ought to get to the shop to get me a card which to me just screams of him wanting me to tell him not to bother and don't worry about it. I've calmly tried to explain that there's no point bothering now because he's made it into such a drama and faff thats not what it's about. If he really wanted to sort something he could have popped out and got one without saying anything like I did with his weeks ago.

Aibu to think this is piss poor? Yes he's been unwell but there would have been chance before that. And there's always the internet. Last year something happened where he was otherwise engaged and 'unable' to get me one too. He's usually pretty good otherwise so maybe he just doesn't care about Valentine's Day and I don't either really but it just stings a bit really.

OP posts:
StanleyBriggs · 13/02/2023 17:26

Just tell him that's fine, you'll settle for prosecco and chocolate.

Coffeellama · 13/02/2023 17:26

Aria2015 · 13/02/2023 17:24

Not sure why so many are 'anti' Valentine's Day on here? I've been with dh 20 years and we still celebrate it. Fine if you're not fussed, but the op is and she shouldn't be made to feel bad or silly for it.

Yes, op, I think your dh should have popped out to grab a card or arranged one to be delivered. It's not that much of an ask. Maybe he'll surprise you on the day though? 🤞🏻

Actually she said right there in the OP that neither of them are that bothered by Valentine’s Day.
he just doesn't care about Valentine's Day and I don't either really

Daizie · 13/02/2023 17:27

Its obviously much more important to you than him. Me and DH do cards for birthdays and that's about it. We didn't used to even do that. If it means so much to you, tell him. Most people prob aren't arsed about it so he's not wrong for not fussing, unless he knows how much it means to you.

Sexypyjamas · 13/02/2023 17:27

AFS1 · 13/02/2023 17:07

Do people in long-term relationships bother with Valentine’s Day? I always thought it was for teenagers and people in the first couple of years of dating.

Married for years, we don't make a fuss.
If anything DH seems to make more of an effort than me.
He was planning the M&S meal deal thing then realised he booked work by accident and was apologising loads. I said don't worry about it. We have the rest of the year. OP I wouldn't worry about it. Have a special day another day (I plan to do this).

Cuppaand2biscuits · 13/02/2023 17:28

I certainly would think of it as a Valentines day drama!
It wouldn't bother me in the slightest.
My husband gives me a card and flowers every year but I know that's only because my mother in law goes to get them for him, without being asked.
It means absolutely nothing to me because he doesn't do it himself and honestly I'd rather neither of us bothered.
But I then have to give him something too otherwise it looks rude.
It's a day for young lovers and secret admirers in my opinion!

Pippa12 · 13/02/2023 17:28

We’ve been together 20 years and still do valentines. Cup stuffed with his favourite chocolate/sweets and a card. It’s never extravagant but I’d be abit hurt if he just didn’t bother one year. It’s about the effort not the ‘gift’ or ‘card’.

JimHensonWasAGenius · 13/02/2023 17:28

Coffeellama · 13/02/2023 17:26

Actually she said right there in the OP that neither of them are that bothered by Valentine’s Day.
he just doesn't care about Valentine's Day and I don't either really

Show quote history

But she clearly does, hence why start a thread?

HappyHippocampus · 13/02/2023 17:29

Aria2015 · 13/02/2023 17:24

Not sure why so many are 'anti' Valentine's Day on here? I've been with dh 20 years and we still celebrate it. Fine if you're not fussed, but the op is and she shouldn't be made to feel bad or silly for it.

Yes, op, I think your dh should have popped out to grab a card or arranged one to be delivered. It's not that much of an ask. Maybe he'll surprise you on the day though? 🤞🏻

No one’s saying they’re any Valentine’s Day.

OP said herself they weren’t bothered about Valentines Day but yet here she is complaining her DH has made no effort.

Posters are anti the drama of OPs own making, not Valentines Day.

HappyHippocampus · 13/02/2023 17:30

HappyHippocampus · 13/02/2023 17:29

No one’s saying they’re any Valentine’s Day.

OP said herself they weren’t bothered about Valentines Day but yet here she is complaining her DH has made no effort.

Posters are anti the drama of OPs own making, not Valentines Day.

Show quote history

Apologies “anti Valentines Day”

ToastToastTea · 13/02/2023 17:31

I walked in to Lidl earlier and wondered why they had so many flowers. It took a moment for me to realise tomorrow is valentines day!
Marrried 18 years and can't remember the last time Iboughta card.

LoraPiano · 13/02/2023 17:31

You clearly care about it, so either have a grown up conversation about what it means to you, or loosen up and let him do it in his own way, in his own time.

Gh12345 · 13/02/2023 17:37

My husband has forgotten for the past 7 years ha. Im not anti valentines but truthfully cba when times are so tight and more awful things going on in world.

AffIt · 13/02/2023 17:37

Or you could do what we do in the AffIt household and celebrate 'Happy Heavily Reduced Flowers and Chocolate Day!' on the 15th?

Always a winner and cheaper, too. 😄

phoenixrosehere · 13/02/2023 17:38

AFS1 · 13/02/2023 17:07

Do people in long-term relationships bother with Valentine’s Day? I always thought it was for teenagers and people in the first couple of years of dating.

We do, but it is a discussion we have weeks in advance. We went to lunch on Friday due to this week being half-term and knowing that it’s a bit ridiculous to celebrate on the day when it is usually busy and the quality of things are lower because of it.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 13/02/2023 17:38

I always thought Valentine Cards were supposed to be anonymous. So to hand one over to one's partner seemed to be missing the point.

In fact years ago I sometimes secretly sent a valentine card to (single) people that I thought were rather nice, but now I wonder if I actually wrecked any relationship they were having. I didn't think about that at the time! 😕

Cocobutt · 13/02/2023 17:39

Go and buy yourself one if you are that bothered.

I don’t really see the point in buying one as a token, just to say you’ve had one.

Surely if you want effort then you want something more thoughtful than a card.

My friend gets his wife a huge card and a massive bunch of flowers which other people are envious of - but these are automatically sent by a company like moonpig and he puts no actual effort into it, which I would personally find really annoying.

As he’s poorly then why not treat him to a at home spa day tomorrow and his favourite meal.

When he’s better he can do the same for you.

JustDanceAddict · 13/02/2023 17:39

I popped out this afternoon to get a card - only cos it’s ‘tradition’ - im sure I’ve forgotten in the past, I once had an op on V-day. It’s no biggie unless things aren’t great in other ways.

rwalker · 13/02/2023 17:40

Unless your 14 it’s not an issue
he like many other holds no value In valentines you do but don’t expect everyone else including your DH to

Highdaysandholidays1 · 13/02/2023 17:41

I wouldn't bother about a card if he's been ill, I'd say let's go out for a nice meal for Valentines once you are better- even better you don't have to feel like a walking cliche on the night itself!

Original poster
scarlettcarbonara · 13/02/2023 17:41

Thanks all. I'm not at all surprised by the comments. This is MN and also AIBU where it's completely uncool to care about such silly, trivial things Grin

As I said in the op, it's not about the card or the day as such. It's just a token gesture that I always make the (very tiny) effort for for him. And it is wildly irritating that he keeps talking about going instead of just doing it haha.

I probably am being quite silly though. I won't file for divorce just yet.

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 13/02/2023 17:41

be my valentine, surely you are married and therefore its not needed? Valentine is supposed to be secret, anon, therefore if married you'd know who it was from - which isn't really the idea of it

NoodleC · 13/02/2023 17:42

Wow he has been unwell cut him some slack. He thought he had another week to get a card before he got sick. UABU.

RealBecca · 13/02/2023 17:42

He doesnt want to. Tbh it would be more romantic to give or do something for him that he wants as he obviously doesnt care about a card. Maybe your romantic gesture could be...No romantic gesture!

runningonberocca · 13/02/2023 17:45

Really not a thing for adults..

BashfulClam · 13/02/2023 17:46

AFS1 · 13/02/2023 17:07

Do people in long-term relationships bother with Valentine’s Day? I always thought it was for teenagers and people in the first couple of years of dating.

Been with my DH for 17 years. We always do a card each, we even have a competition. We don’t go out for meals etc as a set menu sitting cheek by jowl with everyone else is never great. It’s bit of fun for us.