Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding dilemma

208 replies

3peassuit · 08/02/2023 09:59

If you were making a substantial contribution (well over two thirds of the total cost) to your child’s wedding, would you expect your feelings about the venue to be taken into consideration?

OP posts:
Butwhytho · 08/02/2023 10:00

No.

TheFlis12345 · 08/02/2023 10:01

No. My parents paid for the majority of my wedding and made no demands whatsoever other than to carefully ask if a few family members were going to be invited, and of course they were already on our list.

plumduck · 08/02/2023 10:01

No.

It should be no strings attached.

Rainbowqueeen · 08/02/2023 10:01

If it was a venue that was going to place a significant burden on guests eg overnight stay, inconvenient location then yes. I’d be embarrassed.

Butwhytho · 08/02/2023 10:01

Ffs posted too soon. No is the short answer tho! It’s nice to be involved with the wedding planning chat for sure but at the end of the day, it isn’t your wedding, so no, I wouldn’t be expecting to make decisions. A gift with strings attached is really no gift at all.

jacult · 08/02/2023 10:02

No, not at all. I would see it that the money I gave them was a gift and they can plan the wedding however they want and invite who they want. I think if you parents are trying to dictate this, just say thanks but we didn’t realise there were strings attached and we will fund the wedding ourselves. It’s not their day it’s yours.

FinGizz · 08/02/2023 10:02

Tell us about the venue consternation, please.

ShirleyPhallus · 08/02/2023 10:02

No

a gift should be without ties or expectation

RedAndBlueStripedGolfingUmbrella · 08/02/2023 10:02

If you want to help, help - it shouldn't come with strings attached.
YABU.

PurBal · 08/02/2023 10:03

No. But I’d like to think they would be considerate.

ShirleyPhallus · 08/02/2023 10:03

Rainbowqueeen · 08/02/2023 10:01

If it was a venue that was going to place a significant burden on guests eg overnight stay, inconvenient location then yes. I’d be embarrassed.

Embarrassed, why? It isn’t your wedding - how does it reflect on you?

plumduck · 08/02/2023 10:03

Rainbowqueeen · 08/02/2023 10:01

If it was a venue that was going to place a significant burden on guests eg overnight stay, inconvenient location then yes. I’d be embarrassed.

Why would you be embarrassed.

Don't give them any money if you're going to be embarrassed by your own children.

It's really controlling to say here's a gift but do your wedding our way.

The only thing I could think of that would lead to me withdrawing my offer of a gift was if it was bizzarley nazi themed or something ridiculous and offensive.

Movinghouseatlast · 08/02/2023 10:03

No. It's not your wedding, you are paying for it.

If you were paying for the honeymoon would you expect to choose where they went?

plumduck · 08/02/2023 10:03

FinGizz · 08/02/2023 10:02

Tell us about the venue consternation, please.

Yes what's the beef with the venue? Is it offensive in some way?

Ragwort · 08/02/2023 10:04

Depends ... if they want to have it some distant location for guests, awkward to get to etc then yes, I might point that out. But as others have said it's a minefield if you give a gift of money 'with strings attached'.

waterrat · 08/02/2023 10:04

No.

My dad paid for my entire wedding - except the bar bill which me and DH paid for.

He had no input whatsoever. It's their wedding - surely the point of a wedding is that a bride and groom are happy with it?

If this is an issue over accessibility for members of family I think you can raise it - (unless this is a reverse)

If this is a reverse - I think you have to sit down and have a CALM conversation - listen to the concerns of the parent paying and then explain that the purpose of the day is that you enjoy it.

But - as always with family rows, it's better to try and find comprimise isn't it?

RosaDeInvierno · 08/02/2023 10:04

No - you had your wedding, if you wanted one, this is not your wedding

Sparkletastic · 08/02/2023 10:04

No unless it is a matter of lack of access due to disability

DrMarciaFieldstone · 08/02/2023 10:04

No. No conditions attached.

Coldilox · 08/02/2023 10:05

No

WandaWonder · 08/02/2023 10:05

No

billyt · 08/02/2023 10:05

I'm thinking the OP is the child and getting instructions from a parent.

I may be wrong and if OP is the parent, they back off about where the wedding venue is.

JupiterFortified · 08/02/2023 10:05

No. Either gift the money or don’t.

I would never gift money towards a wedding and then try and dictate how it’s spent. Very tacky.

Couchpotato3 · 08/02/2023 10:06

What are your feelings about the venue? Difficult to answer without knowing what the issue is.

Bluesclues1 · 08/02/2023 10:06

No, we had already booked the venue before either set of parents offered any contribution so too late if there were any objections! Would have told them to keep their money if there had been.