Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bride isn’t talking to me - follow on update

417 replies

Aperolsprizter · 07/02/2023 15:17

Hello,
I posted this thread a while ago and got some great objective advice www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4635974-bride-not-talking-to-me-but-wont-tell-me-why-wwyd

upshot was that my friend, a bride to be, just stopped talking to me one day. Was rude at an event we were at. I reached out several times asking if I’d done something wrong and made it clear I was open to talking about it if I had (despite the last time us seeing each other prior everything had been lovely, or so I thought).

anyway, still heard nothing. The bride to bes mum in law has messaged the group whatsapp for bridesmaids asking for the deposit for the hen do. I politely replied to her directly not in the chat saying I hadn’t been in contact with the bride for six months so assumed I wasn’t part of the wedding etc - response was “bride will be in touch soon”.

this was two weeks ago and I’ve heard nothing. Wibu to leave the group chat? I know there’s others without me in anyway, but I don’t want to seem petty and I don’t know if I should grab the bull and message her? I know this seems weak but we’ve been friends for years prior to this, and although I can’t see the relationship repairing now I feel like I want to remain calm and collected in it all.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 07/02/2023 15:19

I would leave the group chat and block her. Do you really have time for her bullshit?

Greensleeves · 07/02/2023 15:20

Ugh, ditch the group chat, block her and go on with your life. If her brain grows back after the wedding she can seek you out and apologise.

GoodChat · 07/02/2023 15:21

I'd leave the group and message the MIL to tell her you haven't heard from the bride, just so it doesn't look like you're flouncing.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/02/2023 15:21

anyway, still heard nothing. The bride to bes mum in law has messaged the group whatsapp for bridesmaids asking for the deposit for the hen do. I politely replied to her directly not in the chat saying I hadn’t been in contact with the bride for six months so assumed I wasn’t part of the wedding etc - response was “bride will be in touch soon”.

Hi Babs, It's been two weeks so I'm not holding my breath. I'll leave the chat and Susan can contact me if she feels the need.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 07/02/2023 15:22

You've not heard from her at all since September??

Fuck that. Remove yourself from the chat and block her. She's being a bitch and you're being a doormat.

LanaCara · 07/02/2023 15:23

Come out of the whats app group, and even if she messaged you I'd leave her on read like she did to you. She's not worth your time.

Thepeopleversuswork · 07/02/2023 15:24

The MIL clearly isn’t in the loop.

I would discreetly drop off the chat and message the MIL politely and privately saying that as her DIL has not contacted you for months despite you being in touch you were not expecting to go to the hen and will not be able to contribute, sorry.

Acheyknees · 07/02/2023 15:25

I would leave the group and not give this another thought. You've given her ample time to contact you after reaching out to her. Just leave it now.

ArcaneWireless · 07/02/2023 15:27

I was on your last thread (nc’d since)

My advice isn’t that different.

Walk away. I’d no more run after her than I would run after a cloud raining shite.

ithoughtisawapuddycat · 07/02/2023 15:27

Agree with the others about leaving the chat but will warn you to be strong.

I have a friend who I've vowed not to contact as the only time she contacts me is when it's something about her MLM business. Even after I had a big health issue last year she sent a couple of texts then nothing for 4 months apart from messages about her business.

I really like her but aren't strong enough to tell her I don't want the messages (I've bought from her in the past but not anymore).

It's very hard to step back and not make contact. Hopefully your friend realises that she's lost a good friend in you.

Ellie1015 · 07/02/2023 15:28

I think for me the friendship is over she is been really cruel leaving this hangong over you. I cant imagine any issue i wouldnt have a conversation with my close friends about instead of freezing them out.

That said the curiosity would probably make me hang on ti the hope she gets in touch. The healthiest thing to do is block and move on, but realise that is difficult.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/02/2023 15:30

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/02/2023 15:21

anyway, still heard nothing. The bride to bes mum in law has messaged the group whatsapp for bridesmaids asking for the deposit for the hen do. I politely replied to her directly not in the chat saying I hadn’t been in contact with the bride for six months so assumed I wasn’t part of the wedding etc - response was “bride will be in touch soon”.

Hi Babs, It's been two weeks so I'm not holding my breath. I'll leave the chat and Susan can contact me if she feels the need.

Yes basically this. I wouldn't just disappear, I wouldn't block etc I'd just send MIL a reply saying obviously it isn't tenable for me to attend the hen when she's refusing to speak to me, so I'm just going to slip out of the group chat. Hope you all have an amazing time.

Then message the friend and say "hi, I'm open to talk if you want to but just to let you know I've let your MIL know I obviously won't be coming to the hen do as things stand between us. Hope you have anl great time"

OriginalUsername2 · 07/02/2023 15:30

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/02/2023 15:21

anyway, still heard nothing. The bride to bes mum in law has messaged the group whatsapp for bridesmaids asking for the deposit for the hen do. I politely replied to her directly not in the chat saying I hadn’t been in contact with the bride for six months so assumed I wasn’t part of the wedding etc - response was “bride will be in touch soon”.

Hi Babs, It's been two weeks so I'm not holding my breath. I'll leave the chat and Susan can contact me if she feels the need.

😂

This is a great message though.

Christmaspyjamas · 07/02/2023 15:31

Is it possible she has health or other issues you aren't aware of?

I've had two friends over the years who were downright rude and silent....turned out one had had a miscarriage followed by depression...the other was having cancer treatment.

I felt totally mystified and pissed off with both. Neither told me for over 6 months. Just how they dealt with it.

Could you express concern to the mum to rule this out?

MichelleScarn · 07/02/2023 15:31

Thepeopleversuswork · 07/02/2023 15:24

The MIL clearly isn’t in the loop.

I would discreetly drop off the chat and message the MIL politely and privately saying that as her DIL has not contacted you for months despite you being in touch you were not expecting to go to the hen and will not be able to contribute, sorry.

This, am also expecting its another hen do with 'yaaay Let's all pay for the hen to have a holiday, more attendees contributing cheaper it is for bridal party!

Fuckstix · 07/02/2023 15:33

You've tried hard enough. I'd leave it here and assume that due to whatever issue or misunderstanding has happened, the bride is probably not expecting you there.

One polite message to her DM- 'I've not heard anything for 6 months now, despite trying to contact Jane and see if everything is ok. I take this to mean I'm no longer invited, so will duck out of the group now but hope the wedding goes well. Jane is, of course, welcome to get in touch with me any time'.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/02/2023 15:36

Then message the friend and say "hi, I'm open to talk if you want to but just to let you know I've let your MIL know I obviously won't be coming to the hen do as things stand between us. Hope you have anl great time"

The op has reached out to this woman several times already, with no response, why on earth should she keep pandering to her?

Fuck that. Block and move on.

Crucible · 07/02/2023 15:37

I would not be leaving the door open for her to contact me again. Sometimes it's all finished without explanation. It's rotten to be on the receiving end of this behaviour

GoodChat · 07/02/2023 15:38

I don't agree that it's necessary to block the former friend. There's no communication happening anyway but it forces OP to walk away and not look back when she might eventually get some kind of explanation. She doesn't ever need to respond to that but OP might want that closure if it was ever available.

fatsinglereadytomingle · 07/02/2023 15:42

Is the bride in the group chat? If so I'd message there, if not I'd send a message to the MIL directly.
Just saying since you've have no further contact from the bride you assume you're no longer invited/BM. I'd stay in the group though cos I'm nosy and would want to know if anything was said about me. And I'd wait to be deleted.

Did you ever hear back from the person you were planning a date with but the went cold after speaking to the bride?!

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 07/02/2023 15:44

You’ve tried more than hard enough.
I agree with others saying to drop out the chat. Drop out and private message MiL that you’ve heard nothing and so are assuming you are no longer a part of the wedding.

Although…….a small bitchy part of me would want to try to force my friend to have to tell me I’m no longer invited to the wedding. Maybe by messaging the MIL asking about bridesmaid dress fitting etc. simply because it’s so bloody rude to just ignore you. What would she do if you just continued and turned up as bridesmaid?

logically though yes just ignore her and move on!

ReamsOfCheese · 07/02/2023 15:49

Wow YANBU. She's got to be ghosting you at this point. MIL is either in on it and stringing you along for wedding gifts or has no idea at all.

Inkpotlover · 07/02/2023 15:50

I remember your other thread and I'm so sorry she is still treating you shabbily. Excluding and blanking you is so cruel. I fear that if she hasn't got in touch two weeks since you reached out to your mum she's not going to. Block her and move on, she doesn't deserve your friendship. Flowers

Cas112 · 07/02/2023 15:52

Leave group chat

Twizbe · 07/02/2023 15:59

Leave the chat and tell the bride that you're stepping down and no longer attending any wedding or hen

Swipe left for the next trending thread