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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bride isn’t talking to me - follow on update

417 replies

Aperolsprizter · 07/02/2023 15:17

Hello,
I posted this thread a while ago and got some great objective advice www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4635974-bride-not-talking-to-me-but-wont-tell-me-why-wwyd

upshot was that my friend, a bride to be, just stopped talking to me one day. Was rude at an event we were at. I reached out several times asking if I’d done something wrong and made it clear I was open to talking about it if I had (despite the last time us seeing each other prior everything had been lovely, or so I thought).

anyway, still heard nothing. The bride to bes mum in law has messaged the group whatsapp for bridesmaids asking for the deposit for the hen do. I politely replied to her directly not in the chat saying I hadn’t been in contact with the bride for six months so assumed I wasn’t part of the wedding etc - response was “bride will be in touch soon”.

this was two weeks ago and I’ve heard nothing. Wibu to leave the group chat? I know there’s others without me in anyway, but I don’t want to seem petty and I don’t know if I should grab the bull and message her? I know this seems weak but we’ve been friends for years prior to this, and although I can’t see the relationship repairing now I feel like I want to remain calm and collected in it all.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 19/02/2023 13:48

Good that it has come to a final conclusion.

Poor MIL, wondering what the hell the cat has dragged into her family.🙄

MojoJoejoe · 19/02/2023 15:06

Op-

Not to be harsh but you really needed to have not given this so.much time/energy.

Who gives a shit about other people's wedding days anyway? ( especially if they can't even afford to pay for all the bridal dresses and the hen do) but that's just the kind of person I am. . .

Childhood or not, people get married and divorced every day and you (whether or not you want to admit) would have still let her back in your life if she got in touch.

And the other BM would definitely know and would be on her side as they are her friends not yours..so why do you care whether they think XYZ about you if you're not even close with them?

You have a partner, you have a nice personality but unfortunately, I get the feeling that when if she tries to reconcile you will still have not learned anything and will take her back.

I'm certain I'm not the only poster thinking this...

Wishing you strength.

mattyd · 19/02/2023 15:10

Can't see any type of resolution to this one, even if the bride grovelled.

OP has seen the light.

Forgoodnesssakemeagain · 22/02/2023 09:41

I’m so pleased you didn’t soo what I did when something similar happened to me. My friend invited me to the night only (very long story which there is no point going into)
I had also messaged to ask if everything was ok etc and how I valued our friendship (she read at my wedding)
nothing back. The night before the wedding I found out I was the only one from the friendship group who hadn’t been invited to the day (I had known her longer too)
so I messaged to explain why I wasn’t going - said I would always think about her and our friendship but I was so hurt etc I couldn’t turn up with everyone already there.
all friends feel out with me for doing this and I do regret my actions. I was just so hurt at being treated like this I did the whole message and block.
im fine not being friends but should have been more dignified 😊
Well done! (Apart from the final comment you handled it well)

Forgoodnesssakemeagain · 22/02/2023 09:42

Excuse typos!

User45378754 · 22/02/2023 11:56

Forgoodnesssakemeagain · 22/02/2023 09:41

I’m so pleased you didn’t soo what I did when something similar happened to me. My friend invited me to the night only (very long story which there is no point going into)
I had also messaged to ask if everything was ok etc and how I valued our friendship (she read at my wedding)
nothing back. The night before the wedding I found out I was the only one from the friendship group who hadn’t been invited to the day (I had known her longer too)
so I messaged to explain why I wasn’t going - said I would always think about her and our friendship but I was so hurt etc I couldn’t turn up with everyone already there.
all friends feel out with me for doing this and I do regret my actions. I was just so hurt at being treated like this I did the whole message and block.
im fine not being friends but should have been more dignified 😊
Well done! (Apart from the final comment you handled it well)

You were right not to go tho as it seems she was out to humiliate you publicly.

Maybe on reflection it was just the message that she spun into a flounce to smear you with amongst the other friends.

I have found that with these manipulative types give them nothing ever - no words, no emotions, no rationale as they will always find a way to twist it into something to hurt you with and show to others.

Never give them the bullets to shoot you with.

The only thing you could have done differently in this situation was called in sick on the day.

Forgoodnesssakemeagain · 22/02/2023 18:54

“Never give them the bullets to shoot you with.“
Love this analogy. I def gave a lot of ammunition in my hurt (my dad was dying at this time I just couldn’t see straight and do the right thing not messaging to say why I wasn’t going)
old News for me but glad to see op handled it ok. It’s so hard and sending best wishes x

peachweach · 20/05/2023 00:47

OP, did you ever hear anything more/get to the bottom of this over the last few months? Hope you're doing okay!

Bootsandbooks · 20/05/2023 00:53

Yes, has there been any update? I remember following this when it was posted a few months ago.

Original poster
Aperolsprizter · 10/08/2023 16:26

Peachweach and bootsandbooks - no significant update, I saw her out and about and she fully blanked me (and did similar with one of my friends that she knows very well). All very odd!

OP posts:
Jaxinthebox · 10/08/2023 17:46

thanks for the update - your friend is just weird!

Teapleasebobb · 10/08/2023 18:01

She sounds crazy op, you're better off out of that so called friendship, still shit that it happened though Flowers

Gr8white · 11/08/2023 10:25

What a fruitloop! Nasty behaviour on her part. Just ditch her and bitch her.

T1Dmama · 12/08/2023 01:14

When you next see her be sure to well and truly blank her! She deserves it.

ypu deserve better

Gr8white · 12/08/2023 12:29

This is deeply unkind of you. Love is stronger than pride.

CloverHilla · 12/08/2023 12:34

What exactly has the op done that's unkind @Gr8white ???
If anything she's been a Saint!
Your ex-friend is a dickhead @Aperolsprizter, you're better off out of all that drama!

Gr8white · 12/08/2023 13:03

Oops! It's likely I posted the right reply to the wrong person. I was trying to respond to MojoJojo's judgemental and unkind characterisation of the OP as essentially weak and pathetic. I am 100% side by side with the OP, just basically rubbish with tech.

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