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Original poster

Cocaine - can this work

215 replies

Pulpfan78 · 05/02/2023 21:10

Hello, first time here but previous lurker so please be gentle with me.
Just found out my boyfriend of four months is a cocaine user.
He says at least once a week, but he took it twice last week!
He also takes a lot of other party drugs.
I'm nearly 40 and want a LTR. In every other regard he's really nice and seems to be functioning really well but has been taking it for 10 or so years.
Well paid so cash isn't an issue.
I really like him. Dating in your late 30s is really hard so I was pleased to have found someone so nice.
Ignoring all the moral issues (I know about them, please don't make this thread about them) can someone realistically have a normal life when they take this much cocaine.
No children. I don't take it.
TIA

OP posts:
JaniceBattersby · 05/02/2023 21:16

Absolutely no chance would I even consider it. Aside from the fact cocaine makes people act like selfish, arrogant, arseholes, people who take it are participating in the exploitation of the children who are forced to transport it around the country, and are contributing to gun and knife crime. Would he want a trap house opening next door to him? No? Then why does anyone have to put up with a trap house next door to them so he can get his fix?

tiggergoesbounce · 05/02/2023 21:16

I think any LTR with someone with any addiction is really difficult and becomes unhealthy.
I personally would run a mile.

You say you don't have kids, do you want kids ?

Do you think he will stop if you want kids? If he says he would stop if you had kids, why will he not stop now then when you want him to?
Because 9 out of 10 says he wont stop.

It may be tough to find someone in your 30s but please dont lower your standards just to have "someone"

Cyberworrier · 05/02/2023 21:17

I’d walk away. In my experience, frequent drug use is incompatible with what i would class as a healthy/normal/happy lifestyle and relationships and also often goes hand in hand with unresolved mental health issues.

LIZS · 05/02/2023 21:19

Nope, throw him back,

Pollywoddles · 05/02/2023 21:20

Nope, throw him back, he’s not for you.

Pollywoddles · 05/02/2023 21:20

@LIZS Snap!

Original poster
Pulpfan78 · 05/02/2023 21:21

This is what I think. It's just hard. I guess I don't understand addiction.

OP posts:
missingthewinchesterboys · 05/02/2023 21:22

Nope run a mile

Original poster
Pulpfan78 · 05/02/2023 21:24

Thank you for being kind everyone. I thought you were all going to call me naive for considering it - it's because he seems so fine at the moment.

OP posts:
Paq · 05/02/2023 21:24

No
No
No
No
No
No
No

You'll always come second to the drug. You deserve better.

Cosycover · 05/02/2023 21:25

I think that's more addiction than recreational user to be honest.

It's also £100 a week minimum. Which is absurd no matter how rich you are.

What about group settings when you meet his friends etc? Because if you are the only one sitting not taking cocaine you will be bored stupid. They talk absolute shite all night.

I don't think it could work long term.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 05/02/2023 21:25

If you don’t take drugs yourself I can’t see how it would work as your ideas of a good night out or a fun weekend away etc are unlikely to be aligned.

ZekeZeke · 05/02/2023 21:27

Run, run run

Riverlee · 05/02/2023 21:28

Deal breaker for me.

Its up to you whether you accept his drug taking but it wouldn’t be for me.

How much money is it all costing?

CPL593H · 05/02/2023 21:28

What he's admitted to taking is likely to be very much minimised.

I've never met anyone improved by taking cocaine, either at the time or in the longer term.

Carlycat · 05/02/2023 21:31

I'd run a mile. Raise your standards

OneTC · 05/02/2023 21:31

Some people can, most people probably can't. Does he have breaks? 10 years is long if its been that frequency throughout. Would be interested to see how he went after a week without. I know people of a similar age who use cocaine but they don't do it constantly. Those people that I know that did do it (or any chemical drug) constantly are either fuck ups or abstainers.

Although I don't do cocaine I wouldn't rule someone out because they did, but I'd be very dubious about someone being able to hold it together if they're doing it multiple times a week, week in week out

GoldDuster · 05/02/2023 21:31

Cocaine makes people incredibly boring, unless you're joining in.

*He also takes a lot of other party drugs
*

Doesnt really sound like you're in the same place, or that he's in a position to embark on a LTR even if you are. Would be giving this the swerve if I was you.

TheArtfulScreamer1 · 05/02/2023 21:32

Dating an addict wouldn't be for me, nor would dating a shoplifter or a drink driver etc. My job also wouldn't allow me to date him and my family and friends would be horrified. Given you've only been dating 4 months I'd cut your losses.

Calling · 05/02/2023 21:32

He has already lied to you about how often he takes drugs, so that's a red flag apart from anything else.
I wouldn't like to be with someone who is contributing to exploitation, illegal immigrants who are trafficked with their passports removed. But druggies are selfish.

MeridianB · 05/02/2023 21:35

Agree with others that there’s no point trying to forge a LTR.

And also, the lie about frequency is a big red flag. Suspect he’s hiding more….

Walk away.

ShakespearesBlister · 05/02/2023 21:35

Let me tell you this much. It's never once a week. It's rarely twice a week. Cocaine doesn't work like that. Just don't do this to yourself. End it now.

Original poster
Pulpfan78 · 05/02/2023 21:36

Genuinely don't know how much it costs.

OP posts:
CalistoNoSolo · 05/02/2023 21:36

How can you ignore the moral issues? The moral issues are massive and cause untold misery to thousands in the UK alone.

MajesticWhine · 05/02/2023 21:37

That wouldn't work for me. I can't see it working unless you also like that lifestyle.