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Original poster

Cocaine - can this work

215 replies

Pulpfan78 · 05/02/2023 21:10

Hello, first time here but previous lurker so please be gentle with me.
Just found out my boyfriend of four months is a cocaine user.
He says at least once a week, but he took it twice last week!
He also takes a lot of other party drugs.
I'm nearly 40 and want a LTR. In every other regard he's really nice and seems to be functioning really well but has been taking it for 10 or so years.
Well paid so cash isn't an issue.
I really like him. Dating in your late 30s is really hard so I was pleased to have found someone so nice.
Ignoring all the moral issues (I know about them, please don't make this thread about them) can someone realistically have a normal life when they take this much cocaine.
No children. I don't take it.
TIA

OP posts:
Original poster
Pulpfan78 · 06/02/2023 21:49

Thanks everyone btw xx

OP posts:
Sunsetintheeast · 06/02/2023 21:49

HelpfulMonkey · 06/02/2023 00:44

Why not give him a chance?
Booze is a drug too, cokes illegal but he might just be having fun with his mates and enjoy the feeling?
If they are a nice person talk to them about it, explain that you haven't done drugs and stuff and ask them about it.
Maybe you could try it with them - people in 90's films have cocaine sex and it looks fun

Hmm, tried it but realised it steals joy from the future and it’s not all that.

I’ve dabbled but it’s really hanging with a lot of dull pumped up people. It’s also going to give him a soft dick and a heart attack if he doesn’t stop.

Eyerollcentral · 06/02/2023 21:51

Yes. Rightly or wrongly a few times a year I could let it slide, but I wouldn’t be happy about it. A couple of times a week is just way too much. Don’t frame it as drugs mean more to him than you. It’s not actually anything about you, it’s about him either being a Peter Pan character or much more worrying someone with a substance abuse issue. I do know it’s so hard to meet someone you like!!

toucancancan · 06/02/2023 21:55

It's much easier to step away now in the early days than it will be a year down the line. He'll only make a change if he wants to... You can't change him... Not easy but if he has different values and lifestyle choices than you, this highlights where the pain will lie.

Greengagesnfennel · 06/02/2023 23:34

Wonderpoo · 05/02/2023 22:21

Cocaine is one of the most addictive drugs on the planet

apart from the fact it’s not physically addictive at all. This is just a factually incorrect statement @Genevieva

Wonderpoo you are not right either. Lots of people say cocaine is not addictive (often cocaine users) misunderstanding and misquoting the science.

It is most definitely addictive (read all the studies on it). Ot is just not as addictive as alcohol. Given how horrendously addictive alcohol is that is not saying much.

Coyoacan · 07/02/2023 01:01

There are different levels of addictions. As I said above, some of my friends became heroin addicts. Supposedly it takes about two months for the physical addiction to kick in so I presume the effects of heroin must be really, really wonderful for people to continue taking it to the point of no return. A lovely friend of mine, with no dysfunction in his background became a heroin addict and died in some public toilets with a needle in his arm

samqueens · 07/02/2023 01:35

🚩

Partyandbullshit · 07/02/2023 02:22

You shouldn’t ignore the moral issues. Those are the only reasons that matter, in truth. What do you think it says about you, that you’d be prepared to be with a man who knowingly (he doesn’t sound thick) perpetuates all the problems cocaine creates, for a regular high?

How desperate are you to be with someone, that you’ll condone or sanction all the depravity of coke? Forget the quality of any relationship. THIS is the real issue.

ReneBumsWombats · 07/02/2023 08:40

Coyoacan · 07/02/2023 01:01

There are different levels of addictions. As I said above, some of my friends became heroin addicts. Supposedly it takes about two months for the physical addiction to kick in so I presume the effects of heroin must be really, really wonderful for people to continue taking it to the point of no return. A lovely friend of mine, with no dysfunction in his background became a heroin addict and died in some public toilets with a needle in his arm

I presume it feels amazing the first few times and then you start needing it just to feel normal.

ReverseFerret · 07/02/2023 09:51

If he's the catch you say he is then why not go for it!
Why not get fully emerged in his lifestyle and take all the party drugs too?
Probably best you are both on the same wave level

weRone · 07/02/2023 11:48

If he takes it 1-2x a week there's definitely a level of addiction involved.

This means ultimately (once your honeymoon period wears off)
you'll come second,
you're going to be stood up as he was trying to score when his dealer didn't come round,
you'll be left holding the baby,
you're going to wonder where he is at night,
you're going to try to keep up with the girls partying with him,
or you might party with them and feel THE VOID the next day. And that void is bad if you're in your 20s, but it feels even more empty as a 40+. Are you sure you both have the same values?
The coke will also wear down his body soon.

What other party drugs are we looking at?

Riverlee · 07/02/2023 13:52

If you were cool with it, you wouldn’t be asking, so I think by posting you’ve answered your own question.

Original poster
Pulpfan78 · 07/02/2023 14:22

Ok, some of you are so wise!

OP posts:
Thatcatisdrivingmenuts · 07/02/2023 15:21

Cyberworrier · 05/02/2023 21:17

I’d walk away. In my experience, frequent drug use is incompatible with what i would class as a healthy/normal/happy lifestyle and relationships and also often goes hand in hand with unresolved mental health issues.

Agree.

JessesMum777888 · 09/02/2023 17:11

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 06/02/2023 11:07

OP From my own experience with a drug user, whatever he tells you is not the truth.
How much he uses is not the truth.
How much he spends is not the truth.
In fact anything he says will always be a lie and ain't that the truth

believe this

User45378754 · 09/02/2023 18:44

Pulpfan78 · 06/02/2023 21:39

He's not especially but he's charasmatic and we clicked. Also I feel a bit like we've spent a lot of time together in terms of hours (it's been intense) and now I'm like.... wow. That's the thing. If I felt less attached to him it would be a much easier decision as I would initially also say RED FLAG. But we've seen each other lots and he's been so nice.

That’s not him.

You are in an intense charismatic relationship with coke.

In the last 3 years I have lost 4 male ‘friends’ to heart attacks and suicide brought on by coke addiction - all mid 40s.

The horror stories of their families lives in the years before is shocking. I was remembering one of their 40th party recently at that point they had the big job, wild social life - seemed to be on the crest of a wave.

The decline was rapid.

Walk and never look back. The walls will fall in for him soon.

newnamethanks · 09/02/2023 22:23

Get a grip OP, don't worry about any addiction he may or may not have, the simple fact is he prefers coke to you. Got It? You are lower in the scale of importance and will remain there or lower. Lose him.

MoreSleepPleasee · 09/02/2023 23:11

Nope run op. I thought my cocaine taking ex was the loveliest man I'd met and thought the cocaine didn't effect him badly. How wrong was I. Absolute monster in reality.

NaturalBae · 10/03/2023 07:26

No, it won’t work.
Throw him back in the sea.
🚩

MumOf2workOptions · 10/03/2023 08:32

Pulpfan78 · 05/02/2023 21:24

Thank you for being kind everyone. I thought you were all going to call me naive for considering it - it's because he seems so fine at the moment.

Get rid and run for the hills
He's no good
Google "county lines" and think of the bigger picture
You can find someone who isn't a druggy don't lower your standards

Original poster
Pulpfan78 · 10/03/2023 16:31

I ended things after a specific incident involving coke (no details as honestly too outing) but showed where his priorities lay. He was horrific to me. Targeted the things he knew I was most self-conscious, very cruel and turned it all around. Thanks for everyone being kind. Much appreciated.

OP posts:
emptythelitterbox · 10/03/2023 16:33

Well done on getting rid.

123rd · 10/03/2023 16:37

Well done you. I think you have saved yourself from years of heartbreak and upset.
He could have chosen you over cocaine but it looks like he didn't.
I don't know you but I'm proud of you

Fifi0000 · 10/03/2023 16:40

Once in a blue moon ok in the past taking it weekly says addiction.

Prettydress · 10/03/2023 16:45

Awww he's not the one for you. Sorry it came to that though. Best of luck for the future. X