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Original poster

Cocaine - can this work

215 replies

Pulpfan78 · 05/02/2023 21:10

Hello, first time here but previous lurker so please be gentle with me.
Just found out my boyfriend of four months is a cocaine user.
He says at least once a week, but he took it twice last week!
He also takes a lot of other party drugs.
I'm nearly 40 and want a LTR. In every other regard he's really nice and seems to be functioning really well but has been taking it for 10 or so years.
Well paid so cash isn't an issue.
I really like him. Dating in your late 30s is really hard so I was pleased to have found someone so nice.
Ignoring all the moral issues (I know about them, please don't make this thread about them) can someone realistically have a normal life when they take this much cocaine.
No children. I don't take it.
TIA

OP posts:
Noodlehen · 05/02/2023 21:38

Is it an addiction or is it using coke when having a few pints with the boys? I am probably in the minority who doesn’t see an issue with the latter. re the other drugs depends what it is for me.

OneTC · 05/02/2023 21:40

OP doesn't contain a lie from the BF.

"at least once" and "twice" aren't at odds with each other

HufflepuffRavenclaw · 05/02/2023 21:40

so I was pleased to have found someone so nice.

But you haven't found someone so nice. You have found a Class A drug addict. Come on. You can do loads better than this.

Emmamoo89 · 05/02/2023 21:41

The only drug I accept is weed but partner stopped doing it.

JessesMum777888 · 05/02/2023 21:42

ShakespearesBlister · 05/02/2023 21:35

Let me tell you this much. It's never once a week. It's rarely twice a week. Cocaine doesn't work like that. Just don't do this to yourself. End it now.

This 100 times over x

Mydogatemypurse · 05/02/2023 21:42

He will always run to it following any bit of stress, percieved or real. Then cry about it.
He will always chose it over you.

Eyerollcentral · 05/02/2023 21:43

I would not be able to continue seeing this man. It’s not something I would countenance tbh he is bringing drugs in to your life, that’s not a positive. I know it’s hard to find someone but you deserve more.

5128gap · 05/02/2023 21:44

The problem is you have no idea how much he takes or how often. The fact that he tells you it's occasional means nothing at all. If I had my time over, I'd never have wasted it trying to quantify acceptable use from a bunch of half truths. I'd have drawn at hard line at none at all and been happier for it.

riotlady · 05/02/2023 21:44

Nope, coke makes people into dickheads. I’ve never in my life met a group of lads/men who regularly use coke and gone “oh what a lovely group”

Queryer · 05/02/2023 21:46

Surely single is better than this. Love yourself.

SpaceMonitor · 05/02/2023 21:47

Don’t set the moral issue aside. It is the biggest reason to leave him. People die every day to fuel his habit and he doesn’t care.

DdraigGoch · 05/02/2023 21:48

Ignoring all the moral issues...
But his attitude to the moral issues tells you a lot about him as a person.

Lcb123 · 05/02/2023 21:49

I don’t judge anyone who takes drugs, but wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who does.

Oysterbabe · 05/02/2023 21:49

The hardest of nos. Run for your life.

gamerchick · 05/02/2023 21:51

No. Just no.

discobrain · 05/02/2023 21:53

Even as someone who is for decriminalising drugs, I can categorically say this is an extremely bad idea, and you should walk away immediately.

I was in a similar situation last year.

I gave him a shot after learning he was on methadone for heroin withdrawal. He also said he had been doing cocaine.

He stopped for about a month, and then it just escalated. Nasty temper. Turning up drunk on top of everything else. Snapping at me and saying nasty things. Then it got physical.

We are not together anymore. I did a Clare's Law request, and what they told me about him? He should be behind bars.

This is not to say you shouldn't give someone with past drug issues a chance. People can and do recover.

This is to say that he will inevitably start to deteriorate, and you'll start to notice it, and soon it will start to pick away at you too.

So nip it in the bud, now. He's not quite at the tipping point yet, but he will be soon, and you should get away before he pulls you down with him.

He might be amazing if he gets clean and stays clean. But right now? He's a bad idea.

OnlyFannys · 05/02/2023 21:53

At least once a week for ten years is addiction level, i would not get involved with this

SleepyRooster · 05/02/2023 21:54

I had a bf like that. As pp said, over time I felt as though I came second to the drug. Scoring was always his primary consideration, whether explicitly said or implied. I realised after some months. Hard to shake that feeling.

juice92 · 05/02/2023 21:57

I would not date someone who took drugs, to be fair I wouldn't date someone who smoked or drank to excess on a regular basis either. For that reason I would say it wouldn't work.That being said, it depends on your stance on drugs/your lifestyle. If it is something you genuinely don't have a problem with, it could work. But to me it sounds like you aren't happy with it when you said 'glad to have found someone nice' - I don't think you want to be with someone who does drugs like this based on your post. Get rid before you get hurt.

Bananatushy · 05/02/2023 22:00

I think it’s right for you to ask the question, but I wouldn’t judge him specifically based on him taking a bit of casual Coke at the weekend. Especially if you arnt looking to have children. As long as you are happy, and are both treating each other right, having a good time, I think it’s fine.
I’ve had a relationship with a social drug taker before, it ended (for other reasons) but the actual relationship was great!
you have to be pretty clear cut though, if you notice your drug taking is too much and getting in the way of you, you have to be objective enough to be able to just walk away. Pretty ruthless, but you have to protect yourself.

CrystalCoco · 05/02/2023 22:00

Well now you know why he was still single....

It's a BIG FAT NO from me.

And if you need a harsher version - GET A GRIP - you can do better than a coke head

💐

Original poster
Pulpfan78 · 05/02/2023 22:02

Noodlehen · 05/02/2023 21:38

Is it an addiction or is it using coke when having a few pints with the boys? I am probably in the minority who doesn’t see an issue with the latter. re the other drugs depends what it is for me.

This is it. I, and I am probably being a right thicko, don't really know what an addiction is. At what point does something become an addiction?

OP posts:
HerbalTeaAndCake · 05/02/2023 22:03

Speaking from a very non judgmental perspective, I wouldn't OP. I just wouldn't. Sorry.

BadNomad · 05/02/2023 22:04

Long-term use of cocaine causes irreversible erectile dysfunction. It narrows the blood vessels in the penis and fucks up the brain's sensitivity to stimulation. So, if you want your LTR to involve good sex, avoid coke users.

Firsttimemum120 · 05/02/2023 22:04

I was with somebody who was taking this quite regularly. He stopped way before we met but I know I wouldn’t stand for it if he still was when we met.