Cocaine - can this work

[Pulpfan78]

Hello, first time here but previous lurker so please be gentle with me.
Just found out my boyfriend of four months is a cocaine user.
He says at least once a week, but he took it twice last week!
He also takes a lot of other party drugs.
I'm nearly 40 and want a LTR. In every other regard he's really nice and seems to be functioning really well but has been taking it for 10 or so years.
Well paid so cash isn't an issue.
I really like him. Dating in your late 30s is really hard so I was pleased to have found someone so nice.
Ignoring all the moral issues (I know about them, please don't make this thread about them) can someone realistically have a normal life when they take this much cocaine.
No children. I don't take it.
TIA

When I was in my 20s I was involved with a much older guy who was into numerous drugs, believing they made one spiritually enlightened etc (though occasionally he would admit to people/himself that he had addictions and say he hoped to get over them- he wouldn'tve admitted that to me though I don't think.)

The people he used to be involved with to get the drugs etc were very disturbing.

I'm an old lady now, but most of the friends of my youth ended up taking either cocaine or heroin. The heroin addicts hardly ate and would have sold their grannies to get a fix, while the cokeheads became paranoid and violent, especially towards there girlffriends. Bear in mind that all these people had been lovely and decent before they became addicts.

This in spades! Middle aged coke heads are the absolute pits.

Why not give him a chance?
Booze is a drug too, cokes illegal but he might just be having fun with his mates and enjoy the feeling?
If they are a nice person talk to them about it, explain that you haven't done drugs and stuff and ask them about it.
Maybe you could try it with them - people in 90's films have cocaine sex and it looks fun

OP, my ex was like this and he never changed. If his friends do it, he will always be around it and nothing will change

No

I'd run a mile, and I'm an unfit fat fuck!
Sorry OP

@Pulpfan78 Having known cocaine users, {and other drug users} absolutely not.
Not in a billion years.
And I say that as someone who has dabbled while younger.

Nope, nope and double nope.

Hell no.

Just

NO.

Sorry I’m working, haven’t read all the posts.

Have you ever taken something like anxiety pills ?

So (it’s a very simplistic explanation), but you body builds up a tolerance level for it. So what gave you a high for a while, at some point your body will say ‘well that’s fine and all, but I’m used to this, I need a bit more now’.
And that’s how it increases and increases.

Another comparison, although it’s not the best, would be like coffee.
Or smoking : you rarely see people decreasing their amount, it’s their brain saying ok I’ve got used to this dose now, I freaking want more.

And that’s how it spirals into more and more.

At least once a week (that you’ve already seen isn’t necessarily true) and other drugs isn’t a good sign.

And yes I detest this system because working with children in care I’ve seen them become way too addicted.

This rhythm at 40 is not normal. Once a month maybe for a huge let it all loose party with the guys ? To each their own in that situation.

Just look at all the celebrities it destroyed, and they had plenty enough money for any type of fun.

Also, I really wish you to know that some types of drugs can very quickly cause a high addiction more than others : please don’t ever try some random thing with him to try to understand what it feels like

Utter jabbering bores.

Yes the age is a factor isn’t it. It’s something you’d expect some teens and uni students to experiment with, 40 Idk, I personally wouldn’t continue the relationship

I'm really anti drugs so that would be a deal breaker for me. Even if a discovered a new partner smoked weed I'd end it. Drugs changes a persons personality and they act out of character. They also get moody/angry if they can't get their hands on the drug or trying to come off it.

He did it twice last week. This isn't an occasional user.

And just FYI I've both worked in rehab and been married to a coke head. I think I know what I'm talking about. Not 'never been exposed'. I spent most of my 20s and 30s hanging around with drug users. Most people grew up, some didn't.

Including a man I know who has cardiac issues, high BP, a ruined marriage (his coked up infidelity) and on track for an early grave. Only weekends for him too.

As for telling a woman who knows nowt about drugs to use it in the bedroom? Twat says 'what'?

Weed has a bit of a different rep though doesn’t it (although I agree it would be absolutely no from me too). But it sounds like he’s doing way more than weed

Absolutely ..Middle aged coke bores.

What worries me is that @Pulpfan78 WILL be pressured to partake.

Drug users like to get novices involved.

{It makes them feel edgy and cool, the ''Big I am''}

''Just a little line''..and so it goes on.

Pulpfan, I thought {Decade plus ago} I could have a line and that would be it..But no, I developed a liking for it that was frightening.

Nothing is ever quite as good as that first line.

I just couldn't enjoy myself without it.

That was frightening.

What you never have had, you won't miss.

He will be fibbing about the amounts he does.

It's usual to replenish the 'dose' every half hour.

Sneaking off to the loo if he wants to hide it from you.

I’m really surprised at the suggestions for OP to try with him. Some are extremely highly addictive (regardless of the person ; that’s how drug dealers make their money, not occasional users)

Yes we all know high class business conferences have drugs and prostitution and what not, but they don’t happen several times a week. And these are people who would be well away of which and how much (and good quality), it’s not the biggest addiction likeliness scenario,

I’ve spent all my 20s working with children in care.
Alcohol help provision was disastrous, so I’ll leave that aside (and no, they’re not all selfish monsters, just people who couldn’t cope anymore, I’ve met in person a lot of them)
Drugs are expensive though, if only for that factor it ruins families (which is why I’ve seen a lot more alcohol addictions)

I used to know someone 40s with a little girl with a drug addiction, his parents were always bailing him out thousands.

Firstly I would read @Coyoacan post a few times as she is pretty accurate in my opinion and trust me if he is telling you he does it 2 times a week then he is actually doing it everyday.

I’ve just written a massive post and accidentally deleted it, so I’ll try and get the gist of what I wrote again! I’ve changed my username for this post, but my DP takes cocaine, somewhere between fortnightly and monthly I would say. I don’t like it, he knows that, but I knew about his drug use before we got together, so I went into it with my eyes open. I won’t be around him when he’s on it, and he has drastically cut drown his usage from several times a week to the level he’s at now. We’re still relatively young, so I do believe that he will grow out of it when we “settle down” (a lot of our social circle still take party drugs) and I must admit that a man in their late 30s taking it more than once a week would concern me more, because if he won’t stop now, then when? I think if you do want to stay with him, you need some ground rules that you’re comfortable with - such as he needs to reduce his usage, if only for the sheer expenditure of it. It would also depend for me on how you discovered it - did he tell you? If so, does he admit it’s a problem, or think it’s no big deal? I think the latter would concern me far more. I think there’s a lot of dramatics on here sometimes about drug use, but it’s far more common than you think. I imagine everyone knows someone (at least) who currently takes or has in the past taken recreational drugs. Taking cocaine occasionally doesn’t make you a terrible person, but I would say more than once a week isn’t necessarily occasionally.

agreed..He's 'Testing the waters' by saying he does it twice a week.

Likely multiple times at a session, and more than twice a week.

Who, when cocaine is in the room and they are a user just sticks to one line?

They don't.

No. It alters brain chemistry. Certain drugs change your personality so completely that you no longer really have emotions like love or empathy.

@newnamefortodays I wouldn't say it was dramatic when drugs kill people 🙈 taking drugs doesn't make you a terrible person but it's highly addictive and can cause psychosis. So I don't think it's dramatic, it's just factual. I agree it is common, I just don't get why people take it.