Page 36 | Neighbour outraged I ignored the door

Scrumbler · 2023-02-01T12:18:39+00:00

For context I've lived in my home for 6 years, I have a baby and we get on with our neighbours very well usually. Yesterday someone banged on the door a few times and I ignored it. I never answer my front door because everyone who I'm expecting use the side door. We get a lot of cold callers and religious people who knock alot so I will never answer it. Today I see my neighbour and his son has a bandage on and I asked what happened, he'd had an accident yesterday in the street, my neighbour said his wife knocked on my door at the time for me to call an ambulance because she's panicked and left her phone in her house so I said I'd heard the knocking but didn't know what it was. He looked at me completely gone out and then asked me why I'd ignored her. I explained I obviously didn't know it was an emergency or I would have course answered. But he told me I was selfish and slammed his door as he went in. I carried on taking my shopping out of the car and then his wife comes out asking if I'd ignored her! I told her I don't answer that door and didn't know it was an emergency but she just went mad shouting how horrible that was and asked what kind of person doesn't answer there door. I know their probably still shook up but I didn't know what had happened. To clarify, their child seems fine from what the dad told me before he found out I'd ignored the door and turned out to be a very minor injury. I feel awful it happened but I didn't ignore them on purpose knowing they were needing an ambulance so I think they've been a bit over the top.

Girlgift97 · 03/02/2023 08:57

Ellyesse · 03/02/2023 00:03

Agreed.
What was the child doing playing on the road unsupervised anyway?

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Who said the child was unsupervised on the road? How would OP even know that?

You just carry on making up scenarios that suit you!

SerafinasGoose · 03/02/2023 08:59

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😂😂😂

You win the thread.

poetryandwine · 03/02/2023 09:03

You made a big, illogical leap about @mathanxiety on p 34, @FieldsOfRoses. Nothing in the post you quote suggests she is overly interested in others’ business. The great thing about MN is that she could in fact be your neighbour.

I don’t think I know her, but a friend from my much happier home country also characterised suburban British houses as ‘little fortresses’ when I showed her this thread earlier.

Smilethoughyourheartisaching · 03/02/2023 09:34

poetryandwine · 03/02/2023 09:03

You made a big, illogical leap about @mathanxiety on p 34, @FieldsOfRoses. Nothing in the post you quote suggests she is overly interested in others’ business. The great thing about MN is that she could in fact be your neighbour.

I don’t think I know her, but a friend from my much happier home country also characterised suburban British houses as ‘little fortresses’ when I showed her this thread earlier.

I prefer ‘sanctuary’ to fortress. I wouldn’t say I would always ignore my door, but I like my peace and if I peeped and didn’t recognise the caller, I wouldn’t necessarily answer

LoveLifeBeHappy · 03/02/2023 09:55

captainmarvella · 03/02/2023 05:23

OP you have a young kid and you did not do anything wrong as such. But imagine this scenario: something is wrong with your kid, and you are so distraught you go and bang on your neighbour's door and they never answer it? How would you feel? And later they tell you that they never answer their door unless they are expecting visitors?

Your own answer to this question is the right answer. No matter what strangers on the internet feel about it! If you feel your neighbours would be right in not opening the door when you banged on theirs (in this hypothetical emergency scenario), then you can rest assured YANBU.

Personally, for me, I can ignore knocking and I have done so. But repeated banging - no, I can never ignore it. Repeated banging denotes an emergency, and the first thought that will cross my mind is, oh someone is in trouble, they are probably looking for help. So I will definitely go and peep outside, at least to see who it is. That's the minimum I will do, unless I am bathing the baby or something and physically cannot get to the door quickly.

One of the perks of living in a neighbourhood is the assurance that if there's an emergency you can count on some one to assist you. At least this is what we do in the third world I live in.

"Repeated banging denotes an emergency, and the first thought that will cross my mind is, oh someone is in trouble"

No, it does not denote an emergency. It denotes anything but an emergency.

ScotsBluebell · 03/02/2023 10:08

Because I work from home, I did go through a spell of not answering the door. Mostly because back then (and perhaps still now) if you were at home, you were deemed to be 'not really working' and so available for all kinds of interruptions. It doesn't happen now, unless it's a delivery or an emergency, because most people here know what I do. On the other hand, when our car, parked in the street, went on fire at 2am, I was very grateful that our then next door neighbour but one saw it and hammered on the door before it exploded. We wouldn't have seen it. This being a village, she did. Over-the-road neighbour ran over with a fire extinguisher. Sometimes you just have to answer the door.

MaryMcCarthy · 03/02/2023 10:11

Why don't people answer their doors?

This is one of the biggest eye-openers for me on Mumsnet.

I thought people generally answered their door!

newmummy16 · 03/02/2023 10:20

As long as you don’t mind people not answering the door when you or your kids/ family need emergency help 😳

Nofurme · 03/02/2023 10:25

ZeroFuchsGiven · 01/02/2023 12:33

I just cant get my head around the no door answering and no phone answering brigade. I dont know anyone in real life who think like this, its really weird

Totally agree!

deliciousdevilwoman · 03/02/2023 10:28

DaintyDinah24 · 03/02/2023 01:28

Just because someone knocks on your door, or for that matter telephones, doesn't mean you have to respond in a Pavlovian fashion.
It's about freedom of choice.

Exactly this! I only answer my door when I’m expecting someone or a delivery, and even then, I’ll check who it is before approaching the door to answer. It’s rarely an issue as I don’t have “popper inners” in my family or friendship circle . I just don’t want to deal/interact with JW’s or door to door salespeople and the like.

LoveLifeBeHappy · 03/02/2023 10:30

Zanatdy · 03/02/2023 03:24

Well most of the time someone isn’t trespassing to chat, but knocking on your door for a purpose. You know, that’s what happens in life. Normal people tend to check who is there, and largely answer their door. Isn’t it considered a normal activity to knock on someone’s door and actually expect them to answer? I’d never consider someone is trespassing if they need to knock on my door. What a load of rubbish, seriously?

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Not everyone knocks on your door for a purpose. In my area, you get the religious and sales guys coming to my door all the time. During COVID I had all sorts.

I've now put a gate there so you can't actually knock on my door anymore.
All communication needs to be done through my Ring Doorbell from the footpath at the end of my driveway. I can now choose whether I want to engage or not.

MaryMcCarthy · 03/02/2023 10:35

I've lived in my house for five years and never had a single Jehovah's Witness knocking on my door. Which even surprises me as we used to get plenty in the 80s and 90s.

If you've not answered your door for years, how do you know it's going to be Jehovah's Witnesses? Why is that so high on your list of considerations? And even if they are cold callers is it really that hard to say "no thanks" and close the door?

I had the police knocking on my door the other day. I let them in because they were investigating a local crime and I helped them out with some information. I now feel more informed about what's going on in the street, whereas If I'd ignored the door I'd have been worried all day, especially after seeing the police car.

LoveLifeBeHappy · 03/02/2023 10:40

newmummy16 · 03/02/2023 10:20

As long as you don’t mind people not answering the door when you or your kids/ family need emergency help 😳

Isn't that what phones are for?

faffadoodledo · 03/02/2023 11:21

For those only answering when you expected something, have you never had an unexpected, lovely surprise? A friend you haven't seen in a while who was passing and thought they'd call in? A grown child who deliberately makes a surprise visit from many miles away? A bouquet of flowers? I can think of others but that's just a same of things I might have missed if I didn't engage. People can be lovely you know. The world isn't just a scary place.

dogdaydown · 03/02/2023 11:26

faffadoodledo · 03/02/2023 11:21

For those only answering when you expected something, have you never had an unexpected, lovely surprise? A friend you haven't seen in a while who was passing and thought they'd call in? A grown child who deliberately makes a surprise visit from many miles away? A bouquet of flowers? I can think of others but that's just a same of things I might have missed if I didn't engage. People can be lovely you know. The world isn't just a scary place.

You've just reminded me, I have sent my lovely friend some flowers to be delivered today. She is having a totally dreadful time with both of her parents very unwell and all the stress and tears that brings.

I am confident that she will answer the door and will be cheered if only for a moment at the surprise of a bouquet.

Rollingaroundinmud · 03/02/2023 11:27

I can only imagine that those women on this thread who would run to the door when it is knocked have nothing to do during the day. Those with busy lives don't have time to answer the door unless a delivery or a friend or relative popping over is planned into their schedule.

Mirabai · 03/02/2023 11:28

Rollingaroundinmud · 03/02/2023 11:27

I can only imagine that those women on this thread who would run to the door when it is knocked have nothing to do during the day. Those with busy lives don't have time to answer the door unless a delivery or a friend or relative popping over is planned into their schedule.

You’re not going to know if it’s a delivery friend or relative if you don’t answer the door.

Dotjones · 03/02/2023 11:32

Mirabai · 03/02/2023 11:28

You’re not going to know if it’s a delivery friend or relative if you don’t answer the door.

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If I'm expecting a friend or a delivery I'll keep an eye out for them. If I miss a delivery it's no great problem, I can ask them to redeliver. If I miss a friend's knock they'll just text me to let me know they've arrived, in a genuine emergency they can just shout up at me.

That's the point I don't get about the OP's neighbour. If there was an emergency to the extent that they wanted an ambulance called, why the hell didn't they shout? "XXX are you in, it's YYY, please can you call an ambulance?"

FieldsOfRoses · 03/02/2023 11:33

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WomanStanleyWoman2 · 03/02/2023 11:33

Mirabai · 03/02/2023 11:28

You’re not going to know if it’s a delivery friend or relative if you don’t answer the door.

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Yes, but if you’ve invited a friend or relative over or ordered something for delivery, the mystery factor is somewhat minimal.

faffadoodledo · 03/02/2023 11:34

Rollingaroundinmud · 03/02/2023 11:27

I can only imagine that those women on this thread who would run to the door when it is knocked have nothing to do during the day. Those with busy lives don't have time to answer the door unless a delivery or a friend or relative popping over is planned into their schedule.

Don't be so dramatic! My house isn't big enough to have to run! It's just an everyday task. Not a biggie.
I guess I got into the habit of doing said task because I grew up pre mobile phones and life was full of surprises. Thankfully life still
holds some, and I like to greet them.

It's really not an onerous thing to do. Even with a baby on the house.

Mirabai · 03/02/2023 11:37

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 03/02/2023 11:33

Yes, but if you’ve invited a friend or relative over or ordered something for delivery, the mystery factor is somewhat minimal.

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Delivery drivers can turn up at any time, friends can drop in unexpectedly.

aSofaNearYou · 03/02/2023 11:40

Delivery drivers can turn up at any time, friends can drop in unexpectedly.

This really depends on the kind of friends you have. I've never had one drop in unexpectedly, they just wouldn't do that.

Girlgift97 · 03/02/2023 11:40

I don't base my view of a crime on how serious it is based on "conviction rates". Much more serious crimes like rape have very small conviction rapes so what's your point? I wouldn't want you at my door, cold calling should be made a criminal offence IMO as it constitutes harassment. I would add as a caveat for extreme circumstances as mentioned earlier in the thread, such as an elderly dear singing kum by yah in a back bedroom ready to ignite like guy fawkes with a blindfold on who couldn't see, nose pegs unable to smell the smoke and ear plugs unable to hear the crackling flames etc.*

Oh dear

Good job you don't make the laws then!

ReneBumsWombats · 03/02/2023 11:41

Rollingaroundinmud · 03/02/2023 11:27

I can only imagine that those women on this thread who would run to the door when it is knocked have nothing to do during the day. Those with busy lives don't have time to answer the door unless a delivery or a friend or relative popping over is planned into their schedule.

But they have time to post on Mumsnet 😉

Don't answer your door if you don't want to, but the idea that it's impossible because your life is so full and rich that you don't have time to do it...that's as daft as the poster who listed her ancestors' professional achievements and put it down to them being door answerers.