Page 38 | Neighbour outraged I ignored the door

Scrumbler · 2023-02-01T12:18:39+00:00

For context I've lived in my home for 6 years, I have a baby and we get on with our neighbours very well usually. Yesterday someone banged on the door a few times and I ignored it. I never answer my front door because everyone who I'm expecting use the side door. We get a lot of cold callers and religious people who knock alot so I will never answer it. Today I see my neighbour and his son has a bandage on and I asked what happened, he'd had an accident yesterday in the street, my neighbour said his wife knocked on my door at the time for me to call an ambulance because she's panicked and left her phone in her house so I said I'd heard the knocking but didn't know what it was. He looked at me completely gone out and then asked me why I'd ignored her. I explained I obviously didn't know it was an emergency or I would have course answered. But he told me I was selfish and slammed his door as he went in. I carried on taking my shopping out of the car and then his wife comes out asking if I'd ignored her! I told her I don't answer that door and didn't know it was an emergency but she just went mad shouting how horrible that was and asked what kind of person doesn't answer there door. I know their probably still shook up but I didn't know what had happened. To clarify, their child seems fine from what the dad told me before he found out I'd ignored the door and turned out to be a very minor injury. I feel awful it happened but I didn't ignore them on purpose knowing they were needing an ambulance so I think they've been a bit over the top.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 03/02/2023 15:08

faffadoodledo · 03/02/2023 14:44

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune
Pounding at the door 😂
Your 'circle' sounds so polite. Do you leave calling cards like in a Jane Austen novel?

Jeering at polite behaviour says more about you than it does about me.

faffadoodledo · 03/02/2023 15:16

But @ZeldaWillTellYourFortune there is simply nothing rude about a friend popping round and knocking on our door. It's a lovely thing to do. Your post implied there was.

Or maybe I don't understand modern etiquette any more. I'm only 56 but starting to feel like there's been a quantum shift. Clearly when I was growing up and even when my kids were young the technology want there to 'warn' of a passing visit.

Your post did come across quite priggish. Apologies for the Jane Austen insult

HelicopterHeights · 03/02/2023 15:20

It is really rude to turn up unannounced. My friends have better manners than that. And if I don't answer the door the delivery driver just leaves stuff in the porch. Tbh most times he just leaves it there anyway and never knocks. It all works out fine.

aSofaNearYou · 03/02/2023 15:30

faffadoodledo · 03/02/2023 15:16

But @ZeldaWillTellYourFortune there is simply nothing rude about a friend popping round and knocking on our door. It's a lovely thing to do. Your post implied there was.

Or maybe I don't understand modern etiquette any more. I'm only 56 but starting to feel like there's been a quantum shift. Clearly when I was growing up and even when my kids were young the technology want there to 'warn' of a passing visit.

Your post did come across quite priggish. Apologies for the Jane Austen insult

Thing is, people are more open these days about the fact that being put on the spot by people coming around unannounced isn't something they've ever enjoyed. So it is a well known topic of debate, and as such it's fairly well known that not everybody does view it as a lovely thing to do.

Some people have too much going on, house in a tip, not yet up and dressed, something they were really trying to do that day, about to go out, in the middle of an argument, having a bad day and not feeling up to chatting. Others broadly don't feel bothered by it and are happy for people to drop in whenever, and if this is the relationship they have communicated with their friends then crack on. But many people don't enjoy people turning up without messaging/ringing to check first and do find it rude rather than lovely.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 03/02/2023 15:31

faffadoodledo · 03/02/2023 15:16

But @ZeldaWillTellYourFortune there is simply nothing rude about a friend popping round and knocking on our door. It's a lovely thing to do. Your post implied there was.

Or maybe I don't understand modern etiquette any more. I'm only 56 but starting to feel like there's been a quantum shift. Clearly when I was growing up and even when my kids were young the technology want there to 'warn' of a passing visit.

Your post did come across quite priggish. Apologies for the Jane Austen insult

It is VERY rude to turn up unannounced.

People may be immersed in all sorts of activities and not ready to receive visitors. Personally I WFH, run a side business, do admin for a relative with cancer and have several hobby crafts, plus a dog. Don't bug me without a scheduled appointment.

Tiani4 · 03/02/2023 15:32

But @ZeldaWillTellYourFortune there is simply nothing rude about a friend popping round and knocking on our door. It's a lovely thing to do. Your post implied there was.

It depends on individuals those

I don't like unexpected visitors
I always text even if it's 10 mins beforehand to check it's ok to pop round to friends houses incase they don't fancy a visitor even one brining walnut cake 🍰😋

The only person that turns up unannounced to my house is my BFF as she doesn't brush her hair or get dolled up to pop round and brings breakfast croissants or cake

It's helpful for me to have a text first -as a) I'm hard of hearing so probably won't hear doorbell if I'm in the kitchen or upstairs and not looking out the window
And b) I might be busy

I've been caught upstairs with Nair on with another friend that popped round and there was NO WAY would I answer the door then or midst bathing DCs when they were younger
So there's no point someone coming round without pre warning me and getting a text reply from me!

In OPs case she was busy with her baby and dog nowhere near the front of house or door and couldn't go down quickly to answer front door, so there's no reason for anyone to criticise her . Her NDN only knocked a couple times, hardly the actions of someone in an emergency as they'd be shouting through letterbox-"‼️hi can you help It's your neighbour I can't get my phone and DC has fallen in the road‼️"

Fluffmum · 03/02/2023 15:35

Why can’t you answer the front door?

Tiani4 · 03/02/2023 15:35

Oooh tagged in wrong person I meant @faffadoodledo not Zelda!!! Sorry @ZeldaWillTellYourFortune

Tiani4 · 03/02/2023 15:36

Fluffmum · 03/02/2023 15:35

Why can’t you answer the front door?

RTFT
Or even just back a few if the latest posts ....

phoenixrosehere · 03/02/2023 15:38

LoveLifeBeHappy · 03/02/2023 14:56

I still don't get it, why didn't they take him back to their own house?

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Or go get her phone from inside?

I wouldn’t assume or bet that my neighbours would be home or hear me knowing my own phone is inside. I don’t think it would even cross my mind to contact a neighbour first over calling 111 or 999 myself.

No one comes by ours unannounced unless it is someone trying to sell something. Deliveries we usually get a text or even a call to inform us how far they are. If we don’t answer, some usually leave it in the back garden, locking the gate behind them or a postal worker will spot me and wave me down. Friends and family text us or call before coming.

faffadoodledo · 03/02/2023 15:44

When did it become rude to turn up unannounced in such a way that the householder is unable to say 'oh errrr can we do this another time because I'm busy now?'
Is it because I'm old (56!) and don't understand modern etiquette?

I'll have to tell my 85 year old farmer neighbour who often comes calling unannounced at weekends. If we have the time we have a chat. If we don't, we tell him sorry we're off out. He's the loveliest man. But apparently very rude.

Serious question.

I've been told

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 03/02/2023 15:45

faffadoodledo · 03/02/2023 15:44

When did it become rude to turn up unannounced in such a way that the householder is unable to say 'oh errrr can we do this another time because I'm busy now?'
Is it because I'm old (56!) and don't understand modern etiquette?

I'll have to tell my 85 year old farmer neighbour who often comes calling unannounced at weekends. If we have the time we have a chat. If we don't, we tell him sorry we're off out. He's the loveliest man. But apparently very rude.

Serious question.

I've been told

I'm older than you are, and it's always been considered rude.

faffadoodledo · 03/02/2023 15:53

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune I'm curious- where do you live? I grew up in semi rural Cornwall, lived in cities aboard and in the UK including SW London and have always apparently attracted rude friends.

aSofaNearYou · 03/02/2023 15:54

faffadoodledo · 03/02/2023 15:44

When did it become rude to turn up unannounced in such a way that the householder is unable to say 'oh errrr can we do this another time because I'm busy now?'
Is it because I'm old (56!) and don't understand modern etiquette?

I'll have to tell my 85 year old farmer neighbour who often comes calling unannounced at weekends. If we have the time we have a chat. If we don't, we tell him sorry we're off out. He's the loveliest man. But apparently very rude.

Serious question.

I've been told

I suppose it depends how local your friends are. With neighbours you could conceivably just be having a chat at the door. But with my friends the implication would be that you're supposed to welcome them into your home, and that is rude to do unannounced.

Rosscameasdoody · 03/02/2023 15:59

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 03/02/2023 15:45

I'm older than you are, and it's always been considered rude.

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I’m older too and don’t consider it rude, but I do think you have to make it clear that you don’t appreciate people calling unannounced. I have health problems which can cause problems with no warning and I’m looking after my 92 year old mum who has dementia and gets agitated when people call as she now doesn’t recognise a lot of people. I’ve asked people not to visit unannounced for what I think are good reasons but some still do it, and get shirty when I can’t let them in. I think that’s just as rude to be honest.

Rosscameasdoody · 03/02/2023 16:02

Rosscameasdoody · 03/02/2023 15:59

I’m older too and don’t consider it rude, but I do think you have to make it clear that you don’t appreciate people calling unannounced. I have health problems which can cause problems with no warning and I’m looking after my 92 year old mum who has dementia and gets agitated when people call as she now doesn’t recognise a lot of people. I’ve asked people not to visit unannounced for what I think are good reasons but some still do it, and get shirty when I can’t let them in. I think that’s just as rude to be honest.

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Sorry, that should have read ‘do’ consider it rude.

SchoolTripDrama · 03/02/2023 16:07

I had a young boy knock on my door once in a panic. A man had pulled up whilst he was playing on the street and asked him to get in and go with him. His parents had obviously taught him to knock on a door & ask to call for help. He did so I called his parents who arrived 2/3 mins later (without a thank you 🙄). But imagine if all of us played this 'No answering the door without prior arrangement' bollocks? No idea why he didn't have his own phone as he was 12/13 but still. My point remains.

SchoolTripDrama · 03/02/2023 16:09

Anyway, Ring cameras are great for monitoring who's at the door before deciding whether to answer or not! So are soy holes. Even though you don't use that door OP, I'd suggest getting a cheap Ring/Blink door bell. The cheapest ones are peanuts and you can click 'Live View' to connect to the camera

Mirabai · 03/02/2023 16:20

LoveLifeBeHappy · 03/02/2023 14:29

Of course you'll know. Deliveries have tracking, so you know when they're about to arrive. Friends and family will call or message that they're planning to visit.

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Some deliveries have tracking, many don’t. My friends and neighbours don’t necessarily call or message before turning up.

Also they know I don’t suffer from doorbell-anxiety-introversion-syndrome.

mathanxiety · 03/02/2023 16:27

Why would you knock on some stranger's door in an emegency?

I think the key word here is "emergency" .

What thoughts or fears would stop you from knocking on a stranger's door in an emergency?

What would your alternatives be? It's an emergency after all.

The questions posed here by people who can't accept the idea of knocking on someone's door or opening a door are examples of extreme corrosion of trust in society.

The corrosion of trust causes damage to the fabric of society that takes an enormous amount of work to repair.

LoveLifeBeHappy · 03/02/2023 16:42

Mirabai · 03/02/2023 16:20

Some deliveries have tracking, many don’t. My friends and neighbours don’t necessarily call or message before turning up.

Also they know I don’t suffer from doorbell-anxiety-introversion-syndrome.

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Mine do, I get a notification of the date and time slot. Pretty standard practice nowadays.

If your friends / neighbours don't call or message before turning up, that probably works for you.

For me, and many others as they have expressed in this thread, it's disruptive to our day, and rude turning up announced.

I have very busy days, and I work from home. The last thing I want is people turning up which I now have to entertain.

LoveLifeBeHappy · 03/02/2023 16:45

phoenixrosehere · 03/02/2023 15:38

Or go get her phone from inside?

I wouldn’t assume or bet that my neighbours would be home or hear me knowing my own phone is inside. I don’t think it would even cross my mind to contact a neighbour first over calling 111 or 999 myself.

No one comes by ours unannounced unless it is someone trying to sell something. Deliveries we usually get a text or even a call to inform us how far they are. If we don’t answer, some usually leave it in the back garden, locking the gate behind them or a postal worker will spot me and wave me down. Friends and family text us or call before coming.

Show quote history

^ Spot on. I don't understand how people can't fathom this.

LoveLifeBeHappy · 03/02/2023 16:46

mathanxiety · 03/02/2023 16:27

Why would you knock on some stranger's door in an emegency?

I think the key word here is "emergency" .

What thoughts or fears would stop you from knocking on a stranger's door in an emergency?

What would your alternatives be? It's an emergency after all.

The questions posed here by people who can't accept the idea of knocking on someone's door or opening a door are examples of extreme corrosion of trust in society.

The corrosion of trust causes damage to the fabric of society that takes an enormous amount of work to repair.

Dial 999? Call a friend? Walk back into my house to deal with the emergency?

poetryandwine · 03/02/2023 16:47

I said earlier I had only once helped in a real emergency by answering an unexpected knock at the door.

True. But @Rosscameasdoody reminded me that when I lived in a friendly American neighbourhood a little while back, a lovely old woman with dementia regularly took daytime walks alone in good weather. She would sometimes get confused and very occasionally knock on our door when we were home. I am glad to have been part of a community that helped to keep her in her own home for a while by answering the door.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 03/02/2023 16:49

Not answering every knock at the door has zero to do with anxiety, fear or introversion. Stop trying to pathologize it to make yourself feel superior.

My time indoors is spent working on professional or personal projects, or getting well-deserved self-care, exercise and sleep. I'm not in there for the convenience of others. Want to see me? Have the courtesy to call ahead. And if you get no answer, take the hint.