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AIBU?

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Original poster

Neighbour outraged I ignored the door

1000 replies

Scrumbler · 01/02/2023 12:18

For context I've lived in my home for 6 years, I have a baby and we get on with our neighbours very well usually.

Yesterday someone banged on the door a few times and I ignored it. I never answer my front door because everyone who I'm expecting use the side door. We get a lot of cold callers and religious people who knock alot so I will never answer it.
Today I see my neighbour and his son has a bandage on and I asked what happened, he'd had an accident yesterday in the street, my neighbour said his wife knocked on my door at the time for me to call an ambulance because she's panicked and left her phone in her house so I said I'd heard the knocking but didn't know what it was.
He looked at me completely gone out and then asked me why I'd ignored her. I explained I obviously didn't know it was an emergency or I would have course answered. But he told me I was selfish and slammed his door as he went in.
I carried on taking my shopping out of the car and then his wife comes out asking if I'd ignored her! I told her I don't answer that door and didn't know it was an emergency but she just went mad shouting how horrible that was and asked what kind of person doesn't answer there door.

I know their probably still shook up but I didn't know what had happened.
To clarify, their child seems fine from what the dad told me before he found out I'd ignored the door and turned out to be a very minor injury. I feel awful it happened but I didn't ignore them on purpose knowing they were needing an ambulance so I think they've been a bit over the top.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 01/02/2023 16:19

StressedSquirrel · 01/02/2023 16:18

But the point is that the neighbour didn't know what the OP was doing. Also, the OP is also entitled to do "nothing" and ignore the door to her own house! Maybe she was exhausted, etc. She shouldn't have to justify it to anyone.

Show quote history

Not at the time but she told the woman's partner that she'd just ignored it.

Riu · 01/02/2023 16:20

aSofaNearYou · 01/02/2023 16:06

How do you know that? For all you know the people you assume aren't in are actually just not answering the door.

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Obviously, they knew she was in or they wouldn’t be upset by it.

Sandra1984 · 01/02/2023 16:20

StressedSquirrel · 01/02/2023 16:13

I often don't answer the door because I am on a Teams call, and I am working. How on earth is it "weird and hostile", not to jump to answer the door every time it goes? There are some really bizarre attitudes on this thread.

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If you're on teams and can't answer the door that makes total sense, I was in the shower the other day and couldn't answer the door either, sometimes we happen to be engaged on some sort of activity (like taking a dump) that impedes us from answering the door and that's fine. My problem is those who shut themselves from their community by never answering the door, it's sending a very hostile messages to neighbours and those around you.

aSofaNearYou · 01/02/2023 16:20

Can you not see the huge difference between not answering because you're busy and not answering it because you never do, even when you're doing nothing?

Does anyone ever really do nothing at all? I'm pretty much always doing something I'd rather not stop, whether it be work or folding laundry or watching TV.

aSofaNearYou · 01/02/2023 16:22

Obviously, they knew she was in or they wouldn’t be upset by it.

That's not what I was addressing. I was questioning all the people saying nobody outside of MN doesn't answer their door.

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 01/02/2023 16:22

Justcallmebebes · 01/02/2023 12:42

I have never heard of people not answering their doors until I joined Mumsnet. It is really, really weird

Oh stop being so dramatic, it's not weird and more common than you think, only on here a lot of things happen

MadeOfSteel · 01/02/2023 16:22

You've done nothing wrong, OP.

clairelouwho · 01/02/2023 16:22

SoupDragon · 01/02/2023 12:47

You could be in the shower/on the toilet/middle of washing dishes/cutting raw meat and by the time you wash your hands they'd be gone anyway

She was doing none of those things so they're completely irrelevant.

Except it’s not remotely irrelevant.

yes she wasn’t doing any of those things but she could have been and the outcome would have been exactly the same.

why was it quicker for the neighbour to bang on someone’s door repeatedly who they didn’t know if they were in/busy or whatever than to go back in their home and get their own phone?

OP YANBU. You can choose to not answer your own door if you wish.

LookingOldTheseDays · 01/02/2023 16:23

SoupDragon · 01/02/2023 16:18

He has a bandage on his arm

The OP doesn't say where the bandage is.

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Tbh, the whereabouts of the bandage is irrelevant. When she heard the banging, the OP had no idea whether it was a stubbed toe, or a cardiac arrest, or someone fleeing an armed robber.

All she could reasonably deduce, from the fact that it was repeated loud banging rather than a normal knock, was that it was likely to be urgent/an emergency rather than a cold caller.

When she decided that she couldn't be bothered to answer, she had no information about how serious the emergency might be.

Sandra1984 · 01/02/2023 16:23

aSofaNearYou · 01/02/2023 16:20

Can you not see the huge difference between not answering because you're busy and not answering it because you never do, even when you're doing nothing?

Does anyone ever really do nothing at all? I'm pretty much always doing something I'd rather not stop, whether it be work or folding laundry or watching TV.

Not answering the door to a woman whose child just had an accident because you might loose on those precious 5 minutes of Love Island says a lot about you.

poetryandwine · 01/02/2023 16:24

Thank you @LookingOldTheseDays

LookingOldTheseDays · 01/02/2023 16:25

clairelouwho · 01/02/2023 16:22

Except it’s not remotely irrelevant.

yes she wasn’t doing any of those things but she could have been and the outcome would have been exactly the same.

why was it quicker for the neighbour to bang on someone’s door repeatedly who they didn’t know if they were in/busy or whatever than to go back in their home and get their own phone?

OP YANBU. You can choose to not answer your own door if you wish.

Show quote history

It make a lot of difference to the question of "was the OP being unreasonable" though.

Not answering the door because you can't answer it (for whatever reason) is normal and not unreasonable.

Not answering a repeated banging because you cba is the opposite.

aSofaNearYou · 01/02/2023 16:26

Not answering the door to a woman whose child just had an accident because you might loose on those precious 5 minutes of Love Island says a lot about you.

Oh FFS. And people were really questioning me saying people seemed offended by the notion of people not answering the door earlier? If posters like you aren't offended by this, you sure are weirdly confrontational.

She didn't know he had had an accident. Obviously if she knew she wouldn't prioritise "Love Island" (nice snobby judgment here). You can think it's weird to not investigate who was at the door all you like but nobody knowingly chose Tv over helping the kid.

Benjispruce4 · 01/02/2023 16:26

YABU. Why are people so weird these day? Visits by appointment only?? How sad.

Felicity42 · 01/02/2023 16:28

You did nothing wrong.
How were you to know who?
If I was the neighbor I'd have banged on the door and shouted in the letterbox saying 'Julie, Julie (or whoever) it's me from next door are you in?'
I would definitely shout something not just bang it and say nothing.
There are so many callers, I don't open my door if I am on my own unless I've checked first to see who it is.

clairelouwho · 01/02/2023 16:28

LookingOldTheseDays · 01/02/2023 16:25

It make a lot of difference to the question of "was the OP being unreasonable" though.

Not answering the door because you can't answer it (for whatever reason) is normal and not unreasonable.

Not answering a repeated banging because you cba is the opposite.

Show quote history

you haven’t answered my point. Why couldn’t the neighbour go back into her home and get her phone? Why was it quicker to bang on someone’s door?

BellePeppa · 01/02/2023 16:30

Get one of those ring things so you can see whether you want to answer it. You say they were banging on the door, did you look out the window to see who it was as it must have sounded fairly urgent?

JudgeRinderonTinder · 01/02/2023 16:30

Just answer the bloody door 😂😂😂

Daisymaker · 01/02/2023 16:32

Sandra1984

Where did you get people are hostile to their communities because they don't answer the door? So taking a neighbours bin out for them, chatting in the garden when hanging out washing , having a blether when walking up the driveway doesn't count?

Nice judgemental comment about love island btw

Benjispruce4 · 01/02/2023 16:32

One day it might be an emergency of a family member and the police visit you. But you will ignore them banging in your door! Or someone trying to let you know there's someone on your roof( this happens to me) and you’ll be none the wiser.

poetryandwine · 01/02/2023 16:32

Possibly the mum panicked, @clairelouwho ? We don’t actually know what happened to the boy in the first couple of minutes. Possibly the OP’s home was that much closer to the scene? The reason may have been good or bad. We don’t have enough data to judge but I would extend a panicked mum some grace

Daisymaker · 01/02/2023 16:32

JudgeRinderonTinder · 01/02/2023 16:30

Just answer the bloody door 😂😂😂

Naw I'm watching Love Island!

Comeonbarbiebrianharvey · 01/02/2023 16:32

Your door, your house do what you like.

Do a note saying you're always there to help in an emergency, please knock on the other door any time, you don't answer main door because there's a lot of scammers about etc. Not that they deserve it. They sound thick, wouldn't it be quicker to run in their own house and get their phone if they're next door? They're d heads but you have to pretend they're normal as they're your neighbours.

rubberduckiee · 01/02/2023 16:33

I bet a lot of these posters would change their tune quickly living in a busy city, especially centrally 🤣

I get lots of cold callers, political activists, and religious people too. At peak periods it can go up to 3-5x a day, every single day, repeatedly. The lovely postman knows to shout "postie!" and deliveries know to shout "delivery!" if a few knocks/bangs at first don't work.

"I obviously didn't know it was an emergency or I would have course answered." They might have misunderstood this as you saying you knew it was her, but still ignored it because it wasn't an emergency! Did you specifically say you didn't know it was her?

NotTerfNorCis · 01/02/2023 16:33

When you live alone and aren't expecting anyone, then someone hammers on your door late at night, it can be terrifying.

I don't blame anyone for not answering the door at any time though.

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