Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I could meet up with friends and their children at weekends?

140 replies

PeachesMcLean · 06/02/2008 21:15

I work full time these days. All my friends with children work part time or at home full time. I'm very envious of this in several respects, this isn't a SAHM v WOHM thread, but why is it so effin hard to arrange to meet up?

I don't have this half term off work, so that's out. Try arranging a get together? Ha! Not a hope. Unless of course I can call round during a week day. I suggest weekends and it's all, "oh I'll have to see what DH is doing"... What? So, every weekend is so amazingly full of lovely family activities you can't possibly drag yourself away to meet up with a friend? No, I suspect not.

Now, my weekend is as precious as the next person's. Yes, it's my only real time with DS and DH but that doesn't mean we need to cling to each other like limpets.

Am I really being unreasonable? Grrrr...

OP posts:
Nemoandthefishes · 07/02/2008 12:31

yanbu
I am a sahm but dh works crappy hours all days of the week. Weekends are a bleak abyss of nothingness as most people are busy with their dh who work 9-5 mon-fri etc

mrsruffallo · 07/02/2008 12:31

I think you are all being unreasonable. There is nothing wrong with putting the weekends aside to spend time reconnecting as a family, esp if your dh hasn't seen the dc much during the week.
What is the problem? It doesn't mean they are not your frinds- just that their husband and dc are the priority. What's wrong with that?
I actually hevs invited people over on dp's days off. He didn't enjoy it that much and when he went back to work I felt I had wasted time

mrsruffallo · 07/02/2008 12:34

Nemo- I am in the same postion, my dp works shifts and when he does weekends we usually spend it alone or with my mother. But then, when he has days offf in the week I keep it free for family time so I understand

sparklesandwine · 07/02/2008 12:37

Yes but why does the reconnecting have to be done on your own? having fun as a family can involve friends too, going to the park as a family means your all there having fun it just happens that your friends are there too

i'm not saying spend every one of your weekends with other people, i certainly don't as i equally love seeing my family on our own, but whats wrong with seeing friends once a month even or just nipping out for lunch with a friend on saturday so your dp/dh can 'connect' with the dc too

motherinferior · 07/02/2008 12:38

I don't want to make my immediate nuclear family a priority above all else.

OrmIrian · 07/02/2008 12:38

That would annoy me a little too I suspect. I'm not in that position as most of the friends I'd want to spend time with are working anyway. So much of our weekend is spent with friends - usually with families as well mind you.

I don't quite know how I'd react if DH took it upon himself to object to my going out with a friend (or doing anything else for that matter) at a weekend because it was 'family time'. Free time for both of us is precious. And not at the command of anyone else.

mrsruffallo · 07/02/2008 12:41

Yes, I would rather go out on a friday/saturday night with my friends on my own, I do enjoy that

sparklesandwine · 07/02/2008 12:44

everybody has different ways of looking at family time because it is important, no way is wrong, it just depends on your priorities and outlook to this i think

Acinonyx · 07/02/2008 12:48

Sparkles, I agree - we like to see other people as a family - dh and I are both pretty sociable. We generally do see our pre-baby friends at the weekend. I like to see friends at least every other weekend.

myermay · 07/02/2008 12:49

Message withdrawn

nametaken · 07/02/2008 12:52

No YANBU at all, this is a particular bugbear of mine too, and I am a SAHM and even I find it annoying.

I haven't read all the threads just wanted to say what on earth is all this nonsense about week-ends being for immediate family only.

Acinonyx · 07/02/2008 12:57

myer - I see my mommy friends during the week two although we generally get together as families about twice a year. I do wonder though, what will happen when I go FT. I think over the next year or I need to see those I am closest to at the weekends so that our dh's can get to know each other. Otherwise I don't think these friendships will go the distance. I guess I will soon see if anyone else feels the same. I'm also aware, that as the mother of an only child, I will be making the running wrt maintaining friendships of this kind for a very long time.

DarthVader · 07/02/2008 12:58

Friends make time for each other.

End of.

People who refuse to see you at weekends when you work full time are not your friends imo.

Acinonyx · 07/02/2008 13:00

It seems also though that some people are a lot busier at the weekends - eg those with several kids and extended family. We have neither so perhaps are more inclined to see friends.

MrsDandOllie · 07/02/2008 13:01

I am a SAHM at the moment and DH works long hours Mon to Fri. He rarely sees DS at all during the week.
I would never organise a meet up with a friend and the kids and not DH on a weekend as thats the only time both DS and I get to see him!
We do spend a lot of weekends visiting friends and family (and having them visit us) as a whole family and that way we can still spend time together but see our friends at the same time.
I'd also be happy to go off and have a girly meet up with friends or go out for the evening on my own and leave DS with DH as it would give me a break and would give DH and DS some time together too.
Its just the 'playdate' type meet up that I like to keep to weekdays only, otherwise all my days would end up being the same old same old and I'd never get to do anything different!!

DarthVader · 07/02/2008 13:07

I find it weird that dh's want to spend 100% of the weekend, every weekend, exclusively with their children at all times and excluding anyone else being there who is not related to them.

Most men I know would be happy to have 2 hours to themselves over the course of a weekend whilst the mother and kids did something seperately.

myermay · 07/02/2008 13:09

Message withdrawn

Dropdeadfred · 07/02/2008 13:16

Darthvader, my dp and I have no problem meeting other couples, My bro & his partner, his bro & wife, other couples with children. I just said that he WOULD NOT want to be alone at the weekend as he misses his dd enough during the week ithout her going AWOL at weekends.
She is 2, I'm sure this may chnage as she gets older, goes to school etc

DarthVader · 07/02/2008 13:19

Dropdeadfred, my comments weren't directed at you in any way as I hadn't read the whole thread or your posts! I think it unreasonable not to meet your friends at the weekend if this is the only possible time, that's all!

pirategirl · 07/02/2008 13:22

havent had timeto read thru, but I find that dd rarely gets to see friends on a weekend.

I am single mum and i feel a bit sidelined by the 'family' aspect thing sometimes.

Dropdeadfred · 07/02/2008 13:24

Darthvader, don't worry I didn't take it personally!! Just referring to your comments..

Kewcumber · 07/02/2008 13:28

like allgonebellyup - I'm a singel working mum and you can really separate out real friends from teh rest by those who think about including you in things over weekends. I'm lucky I have a range of friends and family in different siutations - some of whom are even married and still prepared to meet me at a weekend

My mum was of the traditional "oh weekends are family time" which continued after we left home. She was well buggered when my Dad walked out on her after 35 years and she realised that she didn't really have any close friends as she'd never thought to try to make some time for them when it suited them instead of when it suited her.

Kewcumber · 07/02/2008 13:29

and some of my married friends even come aorund for coffee at a weekend with their DC's AND their DH's .

IdreamofClooney · 07/02/2008 13:35

I am a single working Mum too and can feel very isolated as I work full time so the only time I have free is the weekend to meet up with people.

99% of my friends are married and so spend their weekends with their husbands.

I get the classic "oh my husand is busy this weekend so do you want to meet up" gee thanks.

Plus most of my friends with children work part time so oftern forget I am at work and ask if I am free on monday afternoon etc which makes me feel crap.

Sigh

Minum · 07/02/2008 13:35

I find this a very difficult issue. I'm very aware some women feel its unkind to imply you can only see someone when it suits you, but I find my weekends with the family so enjoyable, and precious, I want to keep them as they are, and not try and squeeze anything else in. Sometimes I can make it work with friend's families getting together with mine, but tbh this isnt very easy, as we are so booked up with activities. And now DC are getting older, their friends and mine don't coincide any more.

DH and I have lots of pursuits we do independently of each other, so often spend weekday nights doing our own thing. I tend to meet working friends for dinner mid week after work, which is a nice adult treat, and works pretty well.