Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To think I could meet up with friends and their children at weekends?

140 replies

PeachesMcLean · 06/02/2008 21:15

I work full time these days. All my friends with children work part time or at home full time. I'm very envious of this in several respects, this isn't a SAHM v WOHM thread, but why is it so effin hard to arrange to meet up?

I don't have this half term off work, so that's out. Try arranging a get together? Ha! Not a hope. Unless of course I can call round during a week day. I suggest weekends and it's all, "oh I'll have to see what DH is doing"... What? So, every weekend is so amazingly full of lovely family activities you can't possibly drag yourself away to meet up with a friend? No, I suspect not.

Now, my weekend is as precious as the next person's. Yes, it's my only real time with DS and DH but that doesn't mean we need to cling to each other like limpets.

Am I really being unreasonable? Grrrr...

OP posts:

Wendyjayb · 06/02/2008 21:18

I'm in the same boat and it is annoying. It's not to bad for me as dh works shift so i arrange things for when he's at work, but if he's off then i have to agree and say no to meeting as my family time is precious

SlartyBartFast · 06/02/2008 21:18

oh yes, i had that, sunday is our family time
grrr

DiscoDizzy · 06/02/2008 21:19

I suppose if it was me I would arrange a weekday, being a SAHM I want to spend time with DH at the weekends as I don't see him much through the week. I'd probably suggest a meeting of both families (DH/DP included - if there is one).

Original poster

PeachesMcLean · 06/02/2008 21:22

But if you couldn't meet up with a particular friend because she's at work, would you not think about making an occasional exception to the weekday rule?

Are friends only for weekdays?

OP posts:

ProfessorGrammaticus · 06/02/2008 21:25

I have a friend like this, it drives me mad. SAHM, can't ever go out with friends at weekends as is "family time". Can't work out if she's joined at the hip or under the thumb - but suspect the latter!

Original poster

PeachesMcLean · 06/02/2008 21:28

Hmm, that's quite controversial professor
tbh, I guess part of me is jealous they can do meet ups during the week whilst I'm at my desk or in another friggin meeting. I don't suspect they're under the thumb either.

I'm just beginning to wonder if they're really friends after all.

OP posts:

motherinferior · 06/02/2008 21:29

Gawd no, YANBU.

I suppose they'd pass out with horror if you suggested you go out on a Saturday night, wouldn't they...I mean their kids will be in bed and all, and surely their husbands can't be fascinating enough to keep them in?

DiscoDizzy · 06/02/2008 21:30

I suppose it just depends what people's circumstances are and how they feel about things. We tend to do things as couples or families. If I am arranging to meet a friend where DH doesn't come, its usually mutually in the evening. All my friends are WOHM or people with no kids and none of them suggest meeting up at weekends. We all have other priorities at the weekends.

perpetualworrier · 06/02/2008 21:30

I think when you are a SAHM,doing things with children and their mums, is your "job" and it somehow seems that it should be done on working days iyswim.

For instance, if I need to phone another mum about something child related, I wouldn't do it in the evening, as that would be like phoning someone at home, about work.

Can you arrange a family day? Now my DC's are at school, it is hard to meet up with friends from other schools, so we will do it at weekends, but the whole family will come. DH has made some good friends like this.

DiscoDizzy · 06/02/2008 21:31

PS I do go out on Saturday nights! Its just that through the day our DC's benefit from spending time with both parents rather than 1.

ProfessorGrammaticus · 06/02/2008 21:32

Yes it is, isn't it - but you don't know her husband !

meemar · 06/02/2008 21:32

Can see both sides. Sometimes the weekend is the only time people get to spend any quality time with a partner, or doing stuff as a family. And those two days really are precious little time when you still have to do all of the other day-to-day chores that having kids involves.

However, there needs to be some flexibility and a real friend could make an occasional arrangement to see you.

Or as someone else said, can't you do something together as two families?

Original poster

PeachesMcLean · 06/02/2008 21:33

"Oh yes, let's meet up one evening. You could come round for curry and a bottle of wine... let me just check when DH is out..."

And then...

"Oh sorry, can't make it tonight. Feeling ill / DH isn't away after all / DC got a cold / I have to do my internet shopping".

All genuine excuses I've had.

OP posts:

Chloe55 · 06/02/2008 21:34

Dh only really sees ds at the weekend so I don't arrange to do things with friends and ds. However, I would happily, and regularly do, go out on my own with friends over the weekend.

Twiglett · 06/02/2008 21:34

I don't tend to see people at the weekend

it does tend to just be for family because honestly I over-socialise during the week with other people and their kids

and it's not about being with DH solely .. it's about being with my kids solely and as a family unit without their friends around

not to say I wouldn't .. but I'm generally tired, I enjoy mooching as a family, having no-one popping round unplanned, going out as a family etc, not having to clean the house etc

so shoot me

Chloe55 · 06/02/2008 21:35

You've had a saturday night cancelled on you for....internet shopping???!!

DiscoDizzy · 06/02/2008 21:35

TBH it sounds like they're rather tied to their DH unless they really don't see him that much. I'm not adverse to meeting friends through the day at weekends but would prefer not to. Definitely not adverse to going out on a Saturday night. I can understand why you're annoyed. Why don't you ask her about it.

FAQ · 06/02/2008 21:36

if it's just about you meeting them (minus children) I think that they are being unreasonable.

However, if it's you with the children in some circumstances it could be unfair to ask of them. For example - DS1 (7) ONLY sees DH at the weekends, and DS2 only for a 2hrs or so (spread throughout the week) but even those 2hrs DH is actually busy sorting his work stuff out so can't actually spend time with him. Same goes for DS3.....DH sees a little of him during the week - but spends no time with him.

CoteDAzur · 06/02/2008 21:36

Can't your SAHM friends meet you for lunch during the week?

motherinferior · 06/02/2008 21:37

Genuine question - do all these people really only do things 'as a family' or 'as a couple'? Don't you yearn for some time, you know, away? Possibly swigging wine with a girlfriend and discussing the shortcomings of your partners?

perpetualworrier · 06/02/2008 21:37

Are you talking about meeting just your friend or meeting up with your friend and both your DC's?

If you mean a girls night out on a Saturday night, then I would never consult DH on that, other than to check he was around to baby sit

LadyMuck · 06/02/2008 21:38

I have to say that between certain kids activities, birthday parties, church and seeing our wider families (who all work during the week), there isn't a regular slot when I'd be free to hang out with a friend and her kids. That said we do meet up with families - 3 or 4 families together. But we don't exclude the men, so I guess that feels a bit different here.

LadyMuck · 06/02/2008 21:40

But then I do go out with girlfriends on a weekday night. Seems the norm in our circle: single-sex gathering during the week, but couples/familes at weekend.

ItsNotOnlyTheGoodBits · 06/02/2008 21:42

Why can't they meet up if DH is at home at the weekend? I don't understand that, and I'm a SAHM.

I manage to meet up with two or three friends during the week because they either work part time or SAHM. We all manage to meet the two full time working friends we have at the w/e, not every w/e but whenever we can. It is up to the DHs whether they join us or not, and it's never a problem.

Does 'spending family time together' mean that they can't see anyone at all over the w/e?? What do they do, stay at home?! Craziness!

Twiglett · 06/02/2008 21:44

if we're talking going out just adults .. then that is totally different and I would go out anytime with a mate .. weekends would be fine

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6