Not to let DS have a bowl of porridge?

[Tacocatgoatcheesepizza]

DS11 is a fussy eater. He has some sensory issues that play into that, rather than it being purely annoying fussy if you know what I mean.

Today I knew that he would not eat what we were having for tea so I made him an alternative which I often do if I know he genuinely will not be able to eat it. I made him pesto spaghetti with some turkey in it. He likes all these things. BUT he usually has a lot of ketchup on his food (any food!) and currently he is not having ketchup at all - his choice as he has a bet with dh to go without for 40 days to get extra v-bucks for Fortnite. He is over half way with this and doing well. He has eaten pasta without ketchup in this time.

This evening he refused the pasta saying there was too much pesto. Then he asked for porridge instead which he is sometimes allowed if he has tried a new tea and doesn’t like it. I said no, because he has a perfectly edible acceptable tea in front of him. He is hungry and in a strop.

Aibu?

YANBU.

I should add I have offered him fruit but he has refused that too!

Just put the pasta in the fridge for another day and give him the porridge.

Yes you are. He has genuine difficulties with food that he can't help and you're punishing him for it.

Why could he have fruit but not porridge?

Whys he allowed fruit but not porridge? It’s not exactly expensive or unhealthy. YABU

I think your rules are a bit too vague, he is sometimes allowed porridge if he doesn't like the food, but when he doesn't like the pesto pasta without ketchup he isnt.

But I have allowed for that by making him an alternative meal. He declared it had too much pesto after just touching it to his mouth and not actually eating any of it.

he does have some genuine difficulties but he also operates a bit under the illusion that if he doesn’t LOVE the food he won’t eat it, rather than accepting that sometimes we have to eat things that are just ok.

Well you’ve made a rod for your own back by your dh betting him for v bucks no ketchup. He’s tried it once without ketchup that doesn’t mean he really liked it, probably just to get the v bucks. Second time round he doesn’t like it but is not going to give up them v bucks.

It's a YABU from me too, though I do know from experience how frustrating it can be to have a fussy eater. I also know that making it a battle never did any good but just stressed us both.

No, stick to your guns.

Yes the no ketchup thing is probably not v helpful

He has issues with food. YABU. It’s a bowl of porridge (I have DC with food issues and would rather they ate porridge than nothing at all).

But you said he could have fruit… so you aren’t teaching him what you think you are, sounds like it’s about making a point as much as anything.

Let him have the porridge.

I never think it’s worth this type of battle over food. Let him have the porridge and next time I would let him put his own pesto on the pasta.

I would just let him have the porridge.

To those that ask why fruit but not porridge - because he loves porridge and would happily refuse most meals and have porridge instead if he thought he could get away with it.

Besides if he’s genuinely hungry surely he would eat fruit…..

My 11 year old has SPD and can be horrendous at meal times. I would just give him what he wants on this occasion, but it is so difficult when you cook different meals everyday and they then refuse to eat it.

He probably would, but he hasn’t said he’s not hungry?

Bizarre to let him have stuff he doesn’t enjoy but not something that he does.

He isn't asking for a bowl of ice cream just give him the porridge and put the pasta in the fridge for your lunch tomorrow.

The ketchup bet is a bad idea. You serve tea. He eats it. Or not. No porridge substitute. No dessert if not. You'd already compromised with a different menu for him contain things he likes. No child has ever starved themselves by choice. If he's hungry he will eat it. He will probably wolf his morning porridge and think on at tea time. It's not acceptable to refuse perfectly good food in a social setting.If you were dining out would you cave in so easily ? I think not. You're the parent. You're teaching him how things work.

Yabu. Pesto can be very strong, I hate the stuff.

maybe the ketchup masks the taste or dilutes it a bit.

porridge is hardly exciting, let him have it.

YABU and quite frankly manipative.

Fruit isn’t going to fill him up in place of a meal. Porridge will. But then it’s not really about offering him a reasonable alternative is it. It’s about playing mind games with him. Just like your “D”H betting he can’t go without ketchup for 40 days to earn something he wants. Terrible parenting.

No child has ever starved themselves by choice

This is a dangerous message. Some kids do.