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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to let DS have a bowl of porridge?

215 replies

Tacocatgoatcheesepizza · 24/01/2023 19:28

DS11 is a fussy eater. He has some sensory issues that play into that, rather than it being purely annoying fussy if you know what I mean.

Today I knew that he would not eat what we were having for tea so I made him an alternative which I often do if I know he genuinely will not be able to eat it. I made him pesto spaghetti with some turkey in it. He likes all these things. BUT he usually has a lot of ketchup on his food (any food!) and currently he is not having ketchup at all - his choice as he has a bet with dh to go without for 40 days to get extra v-bucks for Fortnite. He is over half way with this and doing well. He has eaten pasta without ketchup in this time.

This evening he refused the pasta saying there was too much pesto. Then he asked for porridge instead which he is sometimes allowed if he has tried a new tea and doesn’t like it. I said no, because he has a perfectly edible acceptable tea in front of him. He is hungry and in a strop.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Benjispruce4 · 24/01/2023 21:45

Yanbu stick to your very reasonable guns.

worried4698643 · 24/01/2023 21:46

Needmorelego · 24/01/2023 19:39

Just put the pasta in the fridge for another day and give him the porridge.

This. Pick you battles, this isn't one to fall out over.

MissMaple82 · 24/01/2023 21:46

Tacocatgoatcheesepizza · 24/01/2023 19:47

To those that ask why fruit but not porridge - because he loves porridge and would happily refuse most meals and have porridge instead if he thought he could get away with it.

Besides if he’s genuinely hungry surely he would eat fruit…..

Fruit isn't an adequate meal. He probably doesn't like it without ketchup, I think you're quite mean and definitely being unreasonable. A bowl of porridge is hardly inconvenient, nor unhealthy

Soubriquet · 24/01/2023 21:48

thisusernameisnotavailablepleasetryanother · 24/01/2023 19:55

Agreed! My son has Arfid and would definitely starve himself.

Show quote history

I have ARFID as an adult and I would rather starve than eat something that sets me off.

I’ve gone days before

StrawberryMuffins · 24/01/2023 21:50

I think a 3rd way out is the way forward. You've already done exactly that with the fruit then porridge, but I was going to suggest he makes some more plain pasta and mixes it in with half the pesto pasta to "dilute" it.

Englishash · 24/01/2023 21:58

"Say the parent (or not) of a child with no additional needs or sensory issues"
Yep. That'll be me then. 4 of them actually. But if you read the OP's posts she's talking about her child -not anyone else's that might have issues around food or sensory disorders. She's simply asking WWYD in HER situation. Porridge might be a great staple food but it's not one that can replace every other food group and the more varied a child's diet the healthier that child has a chance to be. So if the parents roll over and give porridge in place of a balanced plate of food because the child refuses to eat it then that child will get the message that that's ok. It's not. For a myriad of reasons. So I don't think you're unreasonable OP. I think you're parenting

FunnysInLaJardin · 24/01/2023 22:04

not worth the battle tbh

Sashimiandhisthunderpaws · 24/01/2023 22:06

YANBU @Tacocatgoatcheesepizza . My daughter is similar insofar as she appears to have some sensory issues with foods, not liking the texture and smell of certain things. I try to cater to her tastes as much as possible but it's a struggle making sure she's eating a balanced diet. Generally I won't give her an alternative meal if she doesn't like her food and she'll need to eat or go hungry. Like your son, I feel she needs to learn you can't and won't love everything you eat. Just because it's not a favourite, doesn't mean she can refuse it. She never has a problem trying new sweet stuff though!

I have an understanding with her that when I get her to try something new, it's only something I think she will like. I won't get her to try just anything new, I genuinely think it's something that would be to her taste. If she's between not overly keen/doesn't have a strong dislike, I ask that she just eats it this time and I won't serve again. If she really dislikes it/makes her feel ill she can leave it. If it's something she can't pick out and eat most of the meal, I'll top her up with fruit.

She loves chicken curries, but doesn't like the cooked veg in them. She'll eat cooked peas, sweetcorn, sugar snaps though. She doesn't really like the squidgy or slimy texture. Will eat raw pepper, carrots, onions, but not cooked. Also likes salad and most fruit. Gradually expanding the range of chicken she'll eat to include the beige stuff like nuggets, burgers, sausages and Kiev. Can't persuade her to try roast. I've suggested she put piri sauce on and it will be the same as the spiced Nando's chicken.

@MysteryBelle my daughter always ate anything put in front of her until aged 3. All cooked veg, salmon, different meat, mince dishes with bechamel. Won't touch any of it now.

HowDoYouOwnDisorder · 24/01/2023 22:08

What the fuck is your husband playing at with his bribes? And why do you have such complex rules? Sometimes porridge is ok but today not? Why not?

my oldest had sensory issues, he DID starve himself and was on a drip in hospital twice ,for those that say kids don’t starve themselves), trust me, bribes and power games are not the way forward

keep introducing new foods, but be relaxed about it and let him make himself some porridge or bread or other “safe food” if he can’t eat it.

Don’g make it a thing, don’t bargain and negotiate and bribe, just make meal times a pleasant experience. What would you loose by letting him have porridge? Power?

Greenwish · 24/01/2023 22:11

I think you should have let him have the porridge. It’s miserable when you’re a kid and have no choice over what you want to eat and porridge isn’t even unhealthy.

Dullardmullard · 24/01/2023 22:16

So did you not feed him, fruit only then.

if he has sensory issues you are punishing him to be fair and it’s in your first post.

Boys can end up with eating disorders same as girls.

by the way a dietitian wouldn’t say tough at all as they know this can cause problems later on in life for that child. It’s dangerous.

health visitor bitched at me for my lad for eating cereal and full fat milk
Gp couldn’t of given a shit.

2 years this went on for. He’s still the same only has about 15 foods he’ll eat. It’s textures for him and a narrow windpipe, nowt else.

Mariposista · 24/01/2023 22:17

If he is hungry he needs to learn to do as he is told

Frabbits · 24/01/2023 22:19

You are punishing him for things outside his control, just give him the porridge.

Turning meals into a battleground is at best unpleasant and at worst fosters an unhealthy relationship with food.

frogswimming · 24/01/2023 22:21

I think yabu. Maybe you should have asked him first and made the porridge instead if he didn't want first meal option. It's not his fault you've made two meals. He has food issues and it sounds like you're making it into such a big thing you're going to make it worse. The bet about tomato sauce as well as the porridge thing.

Theoldwoman · 24/01/2023 22:22

Definitely one hundred percent give him porridge. Fruit will not fill him up for sleep. I’m surprised this is even a question.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 24/01/2023 22:26

I’d let him have the porridge if he made it himself

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 24/01/2023 22:27

The bet about the tomato sauce also seems foolish with a kid who had food issues. I’d be discouraging too much gaming and letting him crack on with the sauce.

fluffypandas · 24/01/2023 22:36

Does your child have autism? My child does and meal times are horrendous!!

Kanaloa · 24/01/2023 22:39

Mariposista · 24/01/2023 22:17

If he is hungry he needs to learn to do as he is told

Do you really think like this? When you shop for food do you buy things you dislike and force yourself to eat them? Or is it just kids who need to ‘do what they’re told’ or go hungry?

yubgummy · 24/01/2023 22:44

This thread is insane to me.

I would hate to raise a child with this level of pickiness. I can't imagine any of my older relatives standing for this to be honest. To be fair they did apply the rule of "be consistent and low-key about food" which seems to be quoted here - they would very calmly tell you it was this or nothing, and get on with their meals!

Not sure how everyone is going from "mild sensory issues" to "ARFID" (never heard of this, apparently invented in 2013?). Letting the kid eat porridge for every meal sounds like a fast way to let him slide into it though! OP YAdefinitelyNBU

Nowdontmakeamess · 24/01/2023 22:49

Why on earth did you think the tomato sauce bet was a good idea?
He needs support in feeling safe around eating, not being manipulated into changing how/what he eats.

Just give him the porridge. It’s healthy and nutritious.

The more you battle over this the harder it will become for him to relax and be open to trying new foods.

Sometimeswinning · 24/01/2023 22:51

Dibbydoos · 24/01/2023 21:23

He has a disability, yu are being completely unreasonable! I don't like pestoeither, it's an acquired taste fgs.

But he likes it? Honestly the hate for pesto on this thread is crazy! Pesto pasta has always been a winner at parties and playdates.

evemillbank · 24/01/2023 22:54

I'd let him have the porridge

DaVariance · 24/01/2023 22:59

This is insane

Silently remove the pasta and replace with porridge

AllOfThemWitches · 24/01/2023 23:04

Sympathy from me, my 11yo ds is a bloody nightmare when it comes to food and I'm sure it's not my parenting because his siblings eat well!