Not to let DS have a bowl of porridge?

[Tacocatgoatcheesepizza]

DS11 is a fussy eater. He has some sensory issues that play into that, rather than it being purely annoying fussy if you know what I mean.

Today I knew that he would not eat what we were having for tea so I made him an alternative which I often do if I know he genuinely will not be able to eat it. I made him pesto spaghetti with some turkey in it. He likes all these things. BUT he usually has a lot of ketchup on his food (any food!) and currently he is not having ketchup at all - his choice as he has a bet with dh to go without for 40 days to get extra v-bucks for Fortnite. He is over half way with this and doing well. He has eaten pasta without ketchup in this time.

This evening he refused the pasta saying there was too much pesto. Then he asked for porridge instead which he is sometimes allowed if he has tried a new tea and doesn’t like it. I said no, because he has a perfectly edible acceptable tea in front of him. He is hungry and in a strop.

Aibu?

Agreed! My son has Arfid and would definitely starve himself.

Children with underlying problems, certainly. Not fussy eaters.

OP YABU so what if he loves porridge! It's hardly pancakes and syrup.

Why enter this battle of wills with him? What's wrong with him wanting porridge?

He does have underlying problems. She says he has sensory issues.

Well that’s rather rude.

The bet was ds idea not dh’s. He is free to have ketchup anytime he likes, there was no pressure from us to do it and he can change his mind at anytime.

Its not mind games. He will refuse a lot of food in favour of porridge and I don’t want him to think he can just say no to any meal and have that as an alternative.

No child has ever starved themselves by choice

it’s not by choice but for many eating an unsafe food (including one made the wrong way) will mean they can not est it.

don’t make food into a battle of wills OP, chances are nobody will win!

But again, you will allow him pesto pasta or fruit as an alternative…. So why not porridge? It sounds like it’s about control OP, wether you mean it to be that way or not. He’s willing to eat something filling and healthy, you should pick your battles. Then if he refuses bog standard porridge that he always loves then fair enough don’t offer an alternative to that…

What a silly comment from someone who clearly thinks they know more than they do. It would be far easier for OP to just let her son eat porridge everyday. If you watch documentaries on kids with sensory eating difficulties, some parents basically let their kids live off 1 food group for decades! Obviously the kid's health, nutrition, bones, teeth, etc are fucked up by then. She's taking the harder route of trying to get multiple food groups into her son.

I would give him the porridge as fruit won’t fill him up. You could find he’s up at silly o’clock cos he’s hungry

Why can't he have porridge as an alternative to meals? If made with full fat milk, it's a good source of energy and protein. Just add a banana on the side if he'll eat that. There are worse things he could be eating and it would take the pressure off him if that was always available as an option for him.

I would rather my child ate something they enjoyed especially something decent and filing like porridge, than not eat at all and be upset. It’s just controlling and shitty to say no you can’t have something you enjoy eating but you can have fruit if your starving. Especially a child with sensory issues ! Feed your child and have a serious word with yourself

I'm sorry, I know fussy eaters are frustrating but this seems controlling to me. He can have an alternative to the first meal, but you picked it. When he doesn't want that you will let him have fruit (your choice again) but not porridge (his choice). So it's not that alternatives aren't allowed it's that it has to be what you say?

I know he's eaten pasta without ketchup before, but was it this exact dish with the same ratios?

Pesto is quite strong on the senses in terms of oily/heavy texture, smell and taste. Perhaps you could have boiled more pasta, mixed it up with the current dish to halve the pesto levels, then put half in the fridge and served half. It's a simple solution I frequently use when I feel I've over-seasoned something.

You seem to be making food into a battle. Never a good idea.

Would he be able to make himself an alternative for his tea, if he doesn't want the alternative you've already made?

Am just thinking (typing...) aloud and wondering if that might relieve some of the tension. My kids (who are just bog standard fussy, but are each fussy about different things) drive me nuts when they won't eat what I've prepared. Some of that frustration on my end is rooted in having extra work to do and feeling ordered around, when I'm hungry too and just want to sit down and eat my own supper. It's rooted in feeling unappreciated, I guess.

Asking my kids, as soon as they're coordinated enough, to either grab themselves a piece of fruit from the fruit bowl or make themselves something else (we go through a good amount of emergency beans on toast here) has helped take the edge off of some of my own frustration. I try to talk up nutrition and balance at more neutral moments when food isn't being served.

Can’t he make his own porridge?

The key to fussy eaters is to introduce them to all kinds of foods EARLY ON. My Ds eats broccoli like it’s candy. He doesn’t even care about most sweet things. He has a friend who will only eat spaghetti without ANYTHING on it. I’m not kidding. Pasta boiled in water with absolutely nothing on it. He won’t eat anything hardly. I try to tempt him with different foods. He will eat some of my homemade pizza so I consider that a win.

Just give him the porridge. There will be a gazillion battles as he grows up.... this is one to let go.

(Been there and done that with a ND child who had sensory food issues)

If porridge was always available as an option for him he would basically have porridge everyday unless it’s sausage and chips!

Give him the porridge OP.

Exactly.

My daughter was a great eater until lockdown, and then she gradually limited her meals. We could ALWAYS get her to eat porridge though.

porridge made with milk (we used almond because she was allergic to dairy and soy) with fruit and nuts mixed in is healthy, balanced, filling and cheap.

Also, beyond the age of about 5 or 6, kid can be responsible for their own food. My daughter makes her own, under supervision, and she’s newly 7.

Yabu my dd is a fussy eater and she’d rather starve than eat what she doesn’t like. I always allow her to eat an alternative and allow her an alternative to that if it doesn’t work out.

The ketchup thing is an ill conceived idea. Even if it was your ds’s idea, I’m imagining he is used to comments about ketchup. I used to drown my food in it as a kid. I only eat it on an occasional bacon sandwich nowadays. No way I could have gone cold turkey.

Your best bet is to give him the porridge and the v bucks and tell him he’s done so well even if he didn’t reach the goal. That he can look at reducing his intake another day.

Your ds will get there. I did and my 14 yo dd is eating a much larger variety of food. Far broader than at 11.

So what if it was though? It's a good meal. Maybe he would eat it for a year straight and then one day try something else? Of his own accord. Maybe there would be less stress and drama around dinner. Maybe it would be just fine. Drop the rope.

I'd let him have the porridge. My DS (no underlying issues) decides on a whim he doesn't want dinner/doesn't like what I've made - if he is hungry later I wouldn't refuse to feed him, he can have something "decent" like cereal, toast, fruit, cheese etc. Porridge is healthy and filling enough to be ok for this purpose.

My stipulations are that he isn't allowed to turn down a meal then fill up on rubbish (chocolate, crisps etc.) instead, and that I will not be going back into the kitchen to cook a separate full dinner at a later time so if he decides he is hungry later, he has something easy.

This is how I would feed myself if I didn't feel like an actual meal for any reason - I don't see the need to force something on my child just to make a point.

Yeh I did that with my dd. Still didn’t work.