Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed she's selling on hand me downs?

201 replies

Terribleactor · 16/01/2023 11:39

Asking to settle an argument with DH!

My SIL (BIL's wife) has a baby a few months younger than mine. They are the same sex so I have passed on quite a few bits to her over the past year, when my DC has grown out of them. I have recently discovered that she has been selling these things on various selling sites. I didn't give them to her expecting them back but I feel put out that she's profiting from the things I have given her! I could have sold them myself I suppose, but chose to give them to her.

My DH thinks I'm BU as I have given them away and so they are no longer mine. Is he right or am I ?!

OP posts:
wowwhydoesmybackhurtwaaah · 16/01/2023 11:40

You could have sold them but didn't. You gave them to her. They are now hers and she can give them away, sell them or set fire to them. It's not your business what she does and you are being ridiculous.

Krakenes · 16/01/2023 11:41

If you didn’t want them back, I don’t see what the issue is?

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 16/01/2023 11:41

Well they have to go somewhere and it’s better than sticking them in landfill!

I have a general rule that if I’m given stuff for free then in turn I give it away for free when I’m done with it. Paying it forward, so to speak. But this isn’t always possible and I find with things like Facebook selling, advertising things as free is a massive ball ache as too many people want it but then also loads of people don’t turn up or expect delivery

Rahrahrahraah · 16/01/2023 11:42

I'd be annoyed too. We've received quite a few hand me downs and alway give them to charity afterwards.

mewkins · 16/01/2023 11:43

Yeah it's annoying. She should have checked if you wanted them back and asked what you wanted her to do with them.

bjrce · 16/01/2023 11:43

Say nothing! Don't give her any more - sell them yourself!

If she asks you for Baby clothes in the future - tell her you'll sell them to her for a fee - that you learnt a great way of making money from her past endeavours!

freezingpompoms · 16/01/2023 11:43

I know what you mean but once you've given it on yourself you can't really moan. Sell them yourself if you want in future.

Conkersinautumn · 16/01/2023 11:43

She knows she's being a cf if she didn't raise this with you. If she told you, fair enough. If you find out another way she's pulled a fast one. Sure they're hers yo do what she wants, but some sort of return on it for you would be fair.

SleeplessInEngland · 16/01/2023 11:44

It's a bit cheeky but I can't imagine caring that much.

SpookyBlackCat · 16/01/2023 11:45

I doubt she’s getting a lot of money for them. I think it’s fine. I wouldn’t do it myself but surely she did you a favor taking the stuff off your hands.

Coffeellama · 16/01/2023 11:46

If you weren’t expecting them back I can’t see the issue, would you feel the same about new items that you gifted her too? I sold on lots of stuff I’d been given as presents once they didn’t fit anymore (didn’t get hand me downs though)

CandleCandleCandle · 16/01/2023 11:46

It would annoy me even though she isn’t doing anything wrong. I’d probably message her and ask if she take an lower offer on one of the items just so she knows you know.
Obviously don’t give her anything else.

SomethingLessIdentifiable · 16/01/2023 11:47

I couldn’t get too wound up by this.

They’re baby clothes, and I imagine if you’ve been passed stuff from several family and friends it’s hard to keep a track of who has given you what, to be able to offer to give it back.

If she’s prepared to take the time to sell them on then why not.

What do you actually want from this - do you want the clothes back to sell them yourself?

Butwhytho · 16/01/2023 11:47

If you wanted to sell them, you could’ve (as you say yourself!) but given that you chose to give them to your sister in law with presumably no request to return them when finished with them (Albeit that would be unreasonable in itself imo, but that’s a debate for another day!) then they’re hers to do as she wishes with. Don’t pass anything else on if you don’t like it.

Viviennemary · 16/01/2023 11:48

I agree. This is extremely cheeky. Don't pass on anything else to her.

AhNowTed · 16/01/2023 11:48

That's off and I would be annoyed.

She should have offered them back.

Don't give her anything else.

Sage396 · 16/01/2023 11:49

I guess she can technically do what she wants with them, but I also would be annoyed and wouldn't pass on anything to her in the future.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 16/01/2023 11:50

Technically, she's not doing anything wrong; but I think this is quite off. IMO, morally-speaking, she should pass them on, offer them back or, at the least, sell them and go halves with you on the profits - although that's still not really fair, as you paid 100% to buy them initially.

girlfriend44 · 16/01/2023 11:50

Maybe she needs the money.
Move on. You gave them away and didn't specify whether you wanted them back or not.

dizzydizzydizzy · 16/01/2023 11:51

I don't see the problem. What does it matter whether she sells the stuff or gives it to charity? YABU.

Frabbits · 16/01/2023 11:52

You can afford to give the clothes away, maybe your SIL can't.

YABU.

JudgeRudy · 16/01/2023 11:53

YABU - they're not yours anymore. You gave them away. Sell the next lot but maybe offer them first refusal. Or make it clear they're on loan and you expect them back.
BTW I would consider this as much a gift from brother to brother, as much as SIL to SIL so maybe next time ask your husband to see if they want the bag for a fiver (or whatever) before you sell.

Kitcaterpillar · 16/01/2023 11:53

Considering how much you get for kids clothes on Vinted, she's not going to be raking it in.

Aleaiactaest · 16/01/2023 11:54

It is off morally speaking. She should have checked with you first.
The lesson for you being to never pass anything on again but sell it yourself or give to someone else. Personally though I can’t be bothered to sell stuff so I happily pass it on, no questions asked.
There are now some good quality second hand clothing sites where you can sell stuff easily directly though but not much return on your initial outlay. So if you would rather help someone you know or family passing on can still be better. Trouble is sometimes people don’t want stuff really and take it reluctantly…

yorkshirepudsx · 16/01/2023 11:55

I do feel like it's a bit of an awkward one

You could have sold them and not given them to her, but you gave them to her in kindness.

I do think it's a bit cheeky of her to be selling what she got for free, she's making a profit without spending anything.

Personally, when it's come to my baby's clothes - I've only ever sold anything that I have bought myself. Anything I've been given, I offer back to who I got them from first and then give them away (to give the help to others that I received, continues a nice little cycle, mums helping mums)

But I think in your situation it's harder because you've not told her that you want them back or anything (which I would 100% do in the future if you give her anything else - or I'd just sell it/help out somebody else).

If I was you id probably leave it for now, don't say anything, don't give her anything else and just help somebody else out with the stuff instead.
I fully 100% understand your frustrations but it's not worth the drama for you if you did say something. She clearly needed the easy money. Xx