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Original poster

Judgy non-parents - what did you have to back down on after you had kids?

212 replies

ThirtyTwoGoingUnder · 10/01/2023 09:14

Lighthearted thread.

I have a DF that loves commenting on how all her friends parent their kids and all the rods they make for their own backs and how she'd do it differently blah blah. She has so much to say about everything. I have 2 DC and whilst she never comments on my parenting I often wonder if she comments about it to her other friends. Anyway DF has just had 1st baby (1 month) and has already backtracked on a few things such as co-sleeping etc. I must admit, I'm looking forward to the toddler years 😂

What did you have to backtrack on after you had kids that you never thought you would? Also tell me your funny stories of judgy friends who had kids and had to eat all their words!

OP posts:
GloomyDarkness · 10/01/2023 13:01

I thought being anti dummy and bf for over a year, supposed to help widen palates, I could avoid future teeth problems round braces.

One finished treatment nearly, one's in treatment and one waiting for orthodontist treatment -older two have both needed palate widening as well as teeth placement adjusting.

EarthMutha · 10/01/2023 13:09

Snotty noses 😂
Always swore I wouldn't have snotty kids, they were so disgustingly snotty it was unbelievable 😂

Tripofalifetime343 · 10/01/2023 13:09

Slightly off topic and I am embarrassed to admit this but I remember watching Seventh Heaven (I know) and the perfect mother in that having a “pregnancy project” each time she had a child, like learning to play the piano 😁

I thought this was a great idea and I had great plans to teach myself brail and learn to crochet.

Turns out I spent the majority of my pregnancies lying on a sofa while up-chucking in to a bucket, and when I wasn’t, doing that, I was was at work, fuelled by
salt and vinegar crisps with gherkins.

Lilgamesh2 · 10/01/2023 13:09

Oh yeah I was anti-pink and all that, but we were gifted so much stuff and it was 90% pink so DD ended up being dressed nearly head to toe pink for her first year.

But I can't blame everyone else. I did end up buying her a dolly in a pink onesie. She just loved looking at baby faces so I knew she would love a doll and the one dressed in pink was the cheapest that came with a pram... I'm hoping she's too young for the stereotyping to affect her.

AnxieTeapot · 10/01/2023 13:09

ProserpinaProserpina · 10/01/2023 09:22

Screen time. I was going to be organising wholesome activities all the time obviously. Now I shove the TV on and hide regularly 😂

I'm with you there. It was all going well and then lockdowns came - and now I can't go back!

AlwaysFoldingWashing · 10/01/2023 13:09

ProserpinaProserpina · 10/01/2023 09:22

Screen time. I was going to be organising wholesome activities all the time obviously. Now I shove the TV on and hide regularly 😂

Same here if it makes you feel better Confused

Woahhohoho · 10/01/2023 13:10

I was going to have aesthetic children with lots of wooden toys. My DD loves character clothes covered in glitter, my DS won't wear anything without a dinosaur on it and I'm constantly falling over plastic crap that makes NOISES!!

Plus picky eating, screens and tantrums. I wasn't going to stand for any of it. I stand for all of it apparently.

I blame insta rather than my shit boundaries

NothingHoldingMeBack · 10/01/2023 13:10

Using chocolate as a bargain tool and method of bribery 😅

RonObvious · 10/01/2023 13:13

Dummies. Absolutely wasn't going to give one to my baby. Ended up sending my husband to the supermarket at 4am when my first was 5 days old. And then the little bugger refused to take it.

Co-sleeping. Was ABSOLUTELY not going to do that. I spoke in horrified tones about parents whose children were still in bed with them at 5 YEARS OLD! Now ask me where my 9 year old slept last night...

Man, but those hypothetical children were so much easier to parent!

PeeAche2 · 10/01/2023 13:15

Oh yeah, I wasn’t going to gender my kids in pink etc too. I even painted the nursery green. I didn’t think it mattered if my baby looked gender-nothing.

By about 16 weeks, I was sick to death of everyone assuming my daughter was a boy. I affixed a hair clip and never looked back.

At 26 weeks (still adorned in glittery hair clip), she was flailing her legs wildly in her carrier and an old man said “he is going to make a great footballer”. That’s when I switched her blue dummy for a pink one.

Why did it bother me so much? I don’t know. Because I’m a shallow, terrible person? Because I’m a gendered old bigot? I don’t feel like one, but maybe.
Or maybe I just didn’t ruin my tits, stomach, hair, career and cream John Lewis sofa for people to keep calling my beautiful little girl “he”. FFS.

Figrolls14 · 10/01/2023 13:17

After DS1: aesthetically pleasing toys, after arrival of DS2: tv, sugar, getting shirty.....

Velvetween · 10/01/2023 13:20

In my childless late twenties, I wholeheartedly agreed with my mother that 8-6 was far too long a day for a baby to spend in nursery/daycare and that she should quite rightly, when it suited her, rock up to the nursery and scoop him up and take him home. (She did this).

When I had DC and had to return to work full time and leave DC in daycare full time (they loved it and have turned out fine) I was horrified at childless me. I still cringe now at superiorly telling friends how sad it was my Dsis’s baby had to go to daycare and that I’d never do such a thing. What a knob.

pictoosh · 10/01/2023 13:21

"By about 16 weeks, I was sick to death of everyone assuming my daughter was a boy. I affixed a hair clip and never looked back."

<snort>

PeeAche2 · 10/01/2023 13:22

I also thought Sophie the Giraffe was a “dog toy” and a “pointless badge of middle class parenting”

3 months into mumhood and I guarded that motherfucking rubber chew toy with my life. I would have sooner lost my right arm than that grinning giraffe. And it’s annoying that it’s not on some kind of string or whatever. It’s almost like they want you to keep dropping them and replacing them at a cost of £15!

JenniferBarkley · 10/01/2023 13:35

PeeAche2 · 10/01/2023 13:22

I also thought Sophie the Giraffe was a “dog toy” and a “pointless badge of middle class parenting”

3 months into mumhood and I guarded that motherfucking rubber chew toy with my life. I would have sooner lost my right arm than that grinning giraffe. And it’s annoying that it’s not on some kind of string or whatever. It’s almost like they want you to keep dropping them and replacing them at a cost of £15!

Ha, I remember a friend smugly stating that they didn't have one. His wife looked at him like he had two heads and informed him there were at least three upstairs. Grin

stopbeeping · 10/01/2023 13:37

Screen at tables
Juice in bottles
Arranging meal times in the evening around sleep
Babies on planes and in general their noise
Discipline isn't as easy at it seems either

zingally · 10/01/2023 13:39

TV time.
I swore blind that my two were going to have limited screen time, and only pre-approved kid shows.
Nowadays they'll sit there all day, watching no end of shit I've no idea about, but which they seem to know all about.

We have managed to hold fire on tablets so far though (the dcs are about to turn 6). They use our tablets for the odd bit of homework set by school. They don't really seem to have twigged that you can play games on computers yet.

Cuwins · 10/01/2023 13:46

I never criticised anyone else for doing it but I said we would never co-sleep. For various reasons it wasn't a great option for us. However at 11 weeks baby decided she was going to wake every 30mins through the night: until I tried putting her in our bed cuddled up to me and then she slept well only waking for bottles! That lasted till 5m when we moved her to a cot.
I also never intended to let her watch TV at her current age (10m) but she watches more than I would like!

NKFell · 10/01/2023 13:46

TVs, tablets and computers were also a big one for me. I was going to turn WiFi off and ensure strictly no screens after 6ish. In my last post I typo'd that my eldest is 11, he's 13. Now, I do 'limit' screen time, it ends just as bedtime starts so around 9:45pm 🙄I'm just not having that fight!

SirMingeALot · 10/01/2023 13:54

AliceMcK · 10/01/2023 10:14

Dummies was the only thing.

I come from a big family so grew up fairly realistic when it came to what it would be like having children, but I swore I’d never use a dummy until I read about the benefits of reducing SIDS, plus my first needed a dummy, her osteopath encouraged it to help her treatment after she was born. By the time I had number 3 it was for my benefit.

I was the exact opposite, mine was going to have a dummy for SIDS and because I wasn't going to be a martyr over it. He spat it out every single time. The best laid plans!

Whatwhatwhatnow · 10/01/2023 13:56

Not much tbh. I said DC wouldn't watch screens or each chocolate before two. I still rarely do either but husband and granny do and I don't fight them about it when they do.

GloomyDarkness · 10/01/2023 14:06

By about 16 weeks, I was sick to death of everyone assuming my daughter was a boy. I affixed a hair clip and never looked back.

DMum cleverly bought colour appropriate blankets so it less an issue for me - I avoided entire issue as people had a visual clue.

Next door was asking about our cats - both female - and he kept saying he and I kept answering she and he still went with he - it was vaguely irritating even though it really didn't matter - so I could why it could easily be irritating quickly with baby,

Using chocolate as a bargain tool and method of bribery 😅

We had to do so much support work - all three needed help at home - it took over TV and food briberies got to be such a used tool.

I'm with you there. It was all going well and then lockdowns came - and now I can't go back!

We did loads pre lock down but now we don't partly kids ages and exam years but also trips out getting caught with pre-booking and finding somewhere to eat and also less cash due to rising costs. even watching TV together in evening is hard to do.

Whatwhatwhatnow · 10/01/2023 14:17

Changechangychange · 10/01/2023 12:17

I was never judgy, but I thought elimination communication sounded like a really good idea pre-baby - that idea went in the bin the minute DS was born.

Ahaha, me too. DC is two now and I still have no idea when they are going to wee. Do not understand how people manage to do this!

noooope · 10/01/2023 14:39

Wooden toys before having a kid plastic is shite but until I had ds he only touched it once when it was used to whack me on the back of the head, so a trip to the charity shop to piss another parent off for thinking they got a bargain until they get a concussion! Since then though, give him plastic shite that blares music with lights flashing he will play for hours.

BunchHarman · 10/01/2023 15:07

I hope you’ve pointed her backtracking out to her. 😌