Judgy non-parents - what did you have to back down on after you had kids?
ThirtyTwoGoingUnder · 10/01/2023 09:14
I have a DF that loves commenting on how all her friends parent their kids and all the rods they make for their own backs and how she'd do it differently blah blah. She has so much to say about everything. I have 2 DC and whilst she never comments on my parenting I often wonder if she comments about it to her other friends. Anyway DF has just had 1st baby (1 month) and has already backtracked on a few things such as co-sleeping etc. I must admit, I'm looking forward to the toddler years 😂
What did you have to backtrack on after you had kids that you never thought you would? Also tell me your funny stories of judgy friends who had kids and had to eat all their words!
9pmchange · 10/01/2023 09:20
Co-sleeping always said we wouldn't (granted we didn't for 1st year or so as worried about suffocation) but now my 3 year old regularly ends up in bed with us sideways foot in ribs etc!
Fussy eating - always said I would be strict and they would go hungry. Weaning went well. My little one ate everything in sight veggies and all. Turned into fussy eater overnight and now I regularly stock the freezer of nuggets, fish fingers, turkey dinosaurs and he has cheesy pasta all the time
I agree with how amusing it is. I have a friend who is quite judgemental about others parenting and I am bemused for when she has her first!
cupofdecaf · 10/01/2023 09:21
I realised never taking them to Mc Donald's was unrealistic.
Not lying to them- Christmas...
ProserpinaProserpina · 10/01/2023 09:22
Screen time. I was going to be organising wholesome activities all the time obviously. Now I shove the TV on and hide regularly 😂
TheodoreMortlock · 10/01/2023 09:26
All of it 😁
I don't think I was ever judgemental about others - partly because I didn't know that many people who had kids when I had mine - but I definitely had lofty ambitions in pregnancy! Dummies, screen time and table manners all spring to mind.
ButItHasCheese · 10/01/2023 09:28
Cosleeping for sure. Swore I'd never do it. Think we lasted two nights before giving in.
A messier house. I was very particular about how tidy the house had to be. Now I pretend I can't see the mess
EffortlessDesmond · 10/01/2023 09:33
I still blush at the incorrect and unwanted advice dished out, and DS is nearly 24!
shivermetimbers77 · 10/01/2023 09:36
Before having kids I thought behaviour management was simple and would tell my sister to ‘set better boundaries’. Jesus what an arse I was, it really came back to haunt me (and yes I have apologised to her!)
noooope · 10/01/2023 09:40
I have a Bil who used to say awful things about parents giving chocolate to their toddlers and I used to say wait until you have your own. They now use chocolate buttons to get dn in the car seat, on the potty, in his pushchair, on a supermarket trolley. He used to comment on screen time as well so now it's chocolate buttons with peppa pig on their lap.
TheYearOfSmallThings · 10/01/2023 09:41
Oh god, so many things. I was going to be the perfect parent (and so laid back!) and DS would fit in effortlessly and eat anything and joyfully share all the adventures I planned... Ha! The only thing he did right was to be a good sleeper, and the only thing I did right was recognise that that was luck and not genius parenting.
I look back and laugh at what a dick I was, but at least I wished up quickly.
takealettermsjones · 10/01/2023 09:43
I have a friend who's full of "oh, when I have kids I won't be doing that" yada yada. There have been two occasions where it really got my goat (because she was saying it in response to a story I'd told about my kid) but I just grin and nod. I hated the "just you wait" people when I was pregnant so I'm determined not to be one of them, but smiling serenely while laughing inside my head is my prerogative I'm afraid, friend. 🤣
pansypan32 · 10/01/2023 09:46
Leaving a baby to cry, making a child behave in a restaurant, not giving a child a screen... when I had a child I apologised to all my friend's with kids (I was never openly judgey but inside thinking these things). I just never realised how emotionally exhausting it is.
bloodyplanes · 10/01/2023 09:49
No pain relief during labour...because it cant be that bad if thousands of women do it everyday 🙄! I had the lot, the full works and still screamed in pain!
BakedTattie · 10/01/2023 09:49
Oh god everything.
dummies. I was adamant I would never ever use them. Lasted a week before I shoved one in the child’s gub.
co sleeping. Lasted about one night before doing it.
breastfeeding. This is so embarrassing but I remember saying how formula was essentially feeding your child chemicals and it was awful. Well after a section under general, haemorrhage, icu, tongue tie, cracked bleeding nips, mastitis, dairy allergy, and lots and lots of tears. I switched to prescription formula and shut my mouth, never to be so judgemental again.
DifficultBloodyWoman · 10/01/2023 09:53
Blurberoo · 10/01/2023 09:34
Everyone is the perfect parent til they have kids! 😂
I wasn’t going to use a dummy.
I was given 6 (yes, 6) at my baby shower and thanked everyone very nicely and put them at the back of the drawer to donate to charity at a later stage. After a few sleepless nights when I just couldn’t get DD to calm down and sleep and I tried a dummy as a last shot.
I now think dummies are brilliant and use them regularly. I’ll deal with breaking the habit further down the line when I have had more sleep.
mumonthehill · 10/01/2023 09:55
It is also when you have a baby! I remember taking ds when a baby to a baby and toddler class and being horrified at the raging toddlers and how out of control they seemed. I was sat serenely with babe in arms. Roll on 2 years and there was ds running around like a mad thing and i looked over and there was a new mum babe in arms with the same expression i had had, i thought you just wait!!!
springerspanielpuppy · 10/01/2023 10:02
That I wouldn't be in my pj's for a half the day, half the day? There were times I was in them the whole day.
I'm still dead against screens mind, toddlers on the iphone in the pushchair and meal times. I
Tripofalifetime343 · 10/01/2023 10:08
Haha so many things!
One was sleep training which I was adamant I wouldn’t do.
In the end, with one of mine, I just needed more sleep to survive the days and what is more she needed the sleep and I learned that they get to a point where they are so tired that adrenaline kicks in and keeps them awake tired crying for ages once they get past a certain point of natural
I only left her for a few minutes at a time and I was hovering about nearby but it did the trick and things were much better from then on in.
Right now I am settling for a fairly messy house because … teenagers. I don’t like it and it stresses me out a bit but I no longer have the energy to battle.
Btw I love that story about the bil with the chocolate buttons!
takealettermsjones · 10/01/2023 10:12
I've just thought of one... Not particularly judgy one but just an image of parenting I had in my head. I had this idea of carrying my baby in a sling in the summer and sitting down on the grass to breastfeed. Such idealism 🤣 as it happened she hated the sling and I bottle fed after a week.
AliceMcK · 10/01/2023 10:14
Dummies was the only thing.
I come from a big family so grew up fairly realistic when it came to what it would be like having children, but I swore I’d never use a dummy until I read about the benefits of reducing SIDS, plus my first needed a dummy, her osteopath encouraged it to help her treatment after she was born. By the time I had number 3 it was for my benefit.
Dis626 · 10/01/2023 10:14
Screen time (I was going to limit it)
Fussy earing (I thought I'd be in the 'if you don't eat it you will go hungry camp'
And probably many, many other things!
GeorgiaGirl52 · 10/01/2023 10:15
I will not stop going to nice restaurants. My child will sit still and behave.
I will not use Television as a babysitter. We will play together.
I will not send my child to school wearing blue jeans. She will wear dresses or skorts. (When she started school her grandmother took her shopping and bought her some jeans - like all the other kids wore!)
SmileWithADimple · 10/01/2023 10:16
Dummy is the one that leaps to mind - DS2 had one until he was nearly 4!
But I was one of the first of my friends to have DC, so luckily I never made judgy comments to friends (just inside my head when looking at strangers' kids).
Whattheladybird · 10/01/2023 10:18
I remember being quite “eyebrow raised” at six year olds who still wore nappies at night time.
My ten year old is under the paediatric continence service, is on medication, and has never had a dry night.
The things I (thought I) knew.
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