Judgy non-parents - what did you have to back down on after you had kids?

[ThirtyTwoGoingUnder]

Lighthearted thread.

I have a DF that loves commenting on how all her friends parent their kids and all the rods they make for their own backs and how she'd do it differently blah blah. She has so much to say about everything. I have 2 DC and whilst she never comments on my parenting I often wonder if she comments about it to her other friends. Anyway DF has just had 1st baby (1 month) and has already backtracked on a few things such as co-sleeping etc. I must admit, I'm looking forward to the toddler years 😂

What did you have to backtrack on after you had kids that you never thought you would? Also tell me your funny stories of judgy friends who had kids and had to eat all their words!

The main thing I got so wrong was sibling relationships. I was convinced poor sibling relationships were down to parenting; parents encouraged healthy relationships and it wasn't down to personality. Let's just say I've backtracked on that (rather than succumb to believing it's my bad parenting 😂)

If I'd only had my eldest all my preconceived ideas would be correct and I would be the most insufferable know it all convinced that I had cracked parenting. Thankfully, my second came along to ground me

I can't wait for some mumsnetters' kids to hit their teens/early 20s.

Let's see if they think their kid is an adult now and kick them out. Heh.

So true @nc8975 (except it was my third who made me throw out the rulebook after an angelic DC1 and DC2).

Oh everything

In my twenties I used to work in a very rigid 9-5 office, and a few of us would get annoyed at one mother of 2 who pushed the boundaries and worked 9.30-5.30. As if that even mattered!! I was such a knob.

I was that person, with knobs in.

Now extended breastfeeding, co sleeping, baby wearing...I did it all. Never say a word about others parenting.

@pictoosh I think we just need to believe that to keep us sane in the earlier years 😂

Toddlers watching screens. Used to nudge parents when I saw children in prams holding a phone watching TV.

Regularly have to put CBeebies on my phone to stop DD having mega tantrums in public

Judge obviously not nudge

My mother was the worst at judging-and she’d had 4 of us!

labour-‘I had you,your brother and twins on no pain relief and my labours where shorter than yours!’ (I had no pain relief either and one labour was 34 minutes-my dad swears it’s bollocks-she was off her face for hours)

nappies-judged for not using terry towelling like her

dummies-judged for using them-‘I hate them!I was such a natural mother,I didn’t need one!’

breastfeeding-she fed longer

tv-‘I never allowed you to watch tv!I played with you!’(bollocks)

tantums-‘you never had them!I gave you a smack and that stopped them!’ (Makes perfect sense-not)

toys-‘I never allowed cheap plastic crap-you only played with 3/4 wooden toys’ (again,bollocks and dad freely admits to feeling like he lived in a toy shop for years,plus she kept everything we had as children-a lot of plastic crap)

shoes-I’d buy Clark’s or next shoes-they fitted and lasted-my mother-‘I only bought you the best!’total bollocks-my feet are deformed from cheap,ill fitting plastic shoes-I’ve never had my feet measured in my life

clothes-I bought (and still do) second hand clothes-my mother-‘all your stuff was brand new!I wouldn’t have dreamed of putting you in second hand!’ That’s tosh,I never got new-shoes,clothes,toys etc

theres no shame in that,but own it and stop rewriting history!

Dummies. I have no idea why now but a dummy saved me after 6 weeks of barely any sleep. And now I have two toddlers- screen time. No explanation needed 😂

In rough order of appearance:

Epidurals; breastfeeding; baby rolling off the sofa onto the floor; the CBeebies babysitter; taking a crying baby to a restaurant; being late for nursery; being late for school; giving them my phone to shut them up; cooking 3 different meals just to make everyone happy; calling any breaded white meat a “chicken nugget” in an attempt to flog it to my boy (and sometimes insulting the host / chef / waitress in the process); taking all of my children food shopping for no reason; giving them Calpol in response to everything; empty threats; extended arm bands / stabilisers use; leaving them unattended on YouTube; not bothering with parents evening; lying about why we can’t go around the fete; only going to one sports day; chocolate for breakfast; pizza for breakfast; nothing for breakfast; bribing my children; allowing myself to be bribed by my children; wine.

I was going to hypnobirth out 3 children, nourish them from my own breasts, raise them on green beans and steamed fish and family game nights of trivial pursuit. Before waving them off to Cambridge to pursue whatever makes them happy. It’s a shame.

Computer games - I said no way EVER. DC has a switch (I still regret it).

I have seldom said a word about anyone else's parenting either...I'm actually not that interested. If someone's parenting ever had a consistent tangible impact on me, as in causing me actual annoyance or spoiling my day, I'd stop seeing them. This has only happened a couple of times.

There was one occasion when I offered an unsolicited opinion and it was to a friend of mine who was making a hash of home educating. Her dc was eight, jolly bright but could not read. I outspokenly suggested school, which at the time embarrassed and annoyed her...but she did relent. Her dc was reading brilliantly within actual weeks. She was so relieved of the worry and the responsibility.
It never became an issue beyond that and we are still friends today. Phew!

Love this thread!

Long before I had children, I used to see little kids in supermarkets etc, asking their parents questions and generally chatting away to them, and being completely ignored. I felt sad for them, and judged the parents a bit (how can they ignore their child?!). I said smugly to myself that when I had kids, I would never ignore them, and patiently answer all their dear little questions, no matter how busy I was. Four (extremely talkative) kids later, and I can declare that the plan is not working out for me too well.

Letting children watch tv / use devices. My two year old can operate YouTube without assistance. In my defence I'm very heavily pregnant and I never have the sound on if we're in public.

@Somethingsnappy

This lol!

Dummies. I was adamant DD wouldn't have one. She was born preterm and was so unsettled. I battled for 2 months before giving her one and then was finally able to put her down for the first time without screaming. DS never needed one.

Same! And now it’s come back to haunt me with a chatty 3 year old who likes to ask me repeated pointless question all day long.

I was judgemental about some colleagues who used a wide variety of childcare, so DC was at x childcare on Monday, y childcare on Tuesday, z childcare on Wednesday etc. I thought this was terribly inconsistent for their DC. Now I see they were just muddling through doing their best. What an arsehole I was.

Screen time. I used to judge (quietly) parents who stuck their children in front of ipads or phones. Soon changed my mind when I realised screens are the only way I can get dressed in the morning or cook dinner with a toddler climbing my leg and shouting in my face!

Dummies too, I was another who said I would never use dummies. Two nights after we got home I shoved one at ds and have never looked back. Mind I'm trying to slowly reduce them now but it's not working, he has them stashed everywhere.

The best parents are the ones who haven't had kids yet

I wish I’d never used a dummy - DS(2) is obsessed. Any tips for getting them off them!?

Most things. Dummies, Screen time, Sugary snacks.

I thought I was going to sleep train from 6 weeks and babies just needed to learn to cry. Ended up co-sleeping for... well I am still am with DS and he is 3 so its been 6 years since I slept alone.

I did cold turkey for ds2 who was hooked on them, in the end. First day, very unsettled at night, second day less so, third night silence and barely a mention the next day. Then nothing.

Before we had DD I insisted we would have very clear adult spaces, we have two living rooms so one would be a fun snug space for toys and kids and the other where there would be no toys and generally had this vision that DD would only be allowed in the adults sitting room in her Sunday best to drink tea with the local vicar. Also our bedroom would be totally out of bounds. What a plonker 😆.

Turns outs from day 1 she's a person who lives in our house and much as we do and stuff that for a game of tiddlywinks. Our sitting room currently has homemade bunting stuck to the wall and every morning she slips into our bed for a snuggle bringing all manner of toys and other crap with her and I love it!

@Getinajollymood give him a cold! (Joking) DS was just shy of 2 when he was so bunged up he couldn't breathe through his nose so couldn't use it. I took it away and that was that!