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Original poster

Judgy non-parents - what did you have to back down on after you had kids?

212 replies

ThirtyTwoGoingUnder · 10/01/2023 09:14

Lighthearted thread.

I have a DF that loves commenting on how all her friends parent their kids and all the rods they make for their own backs and how she'd do it differently blah blah. She has so much to say about everything. I have 2 DC and whilst she never comments on my parenting I often wonder if she comments about it to her other friends. Anyway DF has just had 1st baby (1 month) and has already backtracked on a few things such as co-sleeping etc. I must admit, I'm looking forward to the toddler years 😂

What did you have to backtrack on after you had kids that you never thought you would? Also tell me your funny stories of judgy friends who had kids and had to eat all their words!

OP posts:
Calphurnia88 · 10/01/2023 10:59

Cosleeping.

Tripofalifetime343 · 10/01/2023 10:59

pictoosh · 10/01/2023 10:41

I have seldom said a word about anyone else's parenting either...I'm actually not that interested. If someone's parenting ever had a consistent tangible impact on me, as in causing me actual annoyance or spoiling my day, I'd stop seeing them. This has only happened a couple of times.

There was one occasion when I offered an unsolicited opinion and it was to a friend of mine who was making a hash of home educating. Her dc was eight, jolly bright but could not read. I outspokenly suggested school, which at the time embarrassed and annoyed her...but she did relent. Her dc was reading brilliantly within actual weeks. She was so relieved of the worry and the responsibility.
It never became an issue beyond that and we are still friends today. Phew!

This is interesting! We are all told never to judge and say anything but I remember a very close friend of mine - who is still a close friend - suggesting very tactfully that perhaps my protesting toddler no longer needed to be in a high chair and would be happier seated at the table, which indeed she was!

I was very grateful to her as it was so very obvious but I was too welded to my routine to see it at the time! I hadn’t yet grasped that as a parent you finally get used to one phase of parenting by which time your child has moved on.

Sometimes we can definitely learn from each other’s mistakes.

TheBestUsernamesAreGone · 10/01/2023 11:00

I tell my pregnant friends to make a list of stuff they won't do, put it away and revisit it every six months or so and have a good laugh.

Montague22 · 10/01/2023 11:01

I was going to learn to see on maternity leave as I’d have so much time 🤣
My children were going to have a small amount of carefully curated toys so they would value them. They have so much ‘stuff’!
I wasn’t going to lose myself and would still always do my hair and dress nicely all the time- ha! I wouldn’t have a ‘mum bun’ and unflattering clothes. My 1st seemed determined to be sick on me just before we went anywhere.

Montague22 · 10/01/2023 11:01

sew

MargaritMargo · 10/01/2023 11:02

Cartoon T-shirts and outfits, gaudy or loud clothes in public / bedrooms / accessories etc.

I really didn’t want a super bright, hideous peppa pig tracksuit on my toddler but now I realise it makes them super happy, it’s what THEY like! In turn it makes me feel happy and warm inside when they’re just chuffed with their latest hideous paw patrol hoody as they strut through the park.

same with bedrooms - dreams of a stylish neutral Scandinavian bedroom are long gone, it’s super hero chic in our house. It’s horrendous but they love it.

I don’t let them go out in full on fancy dress though, I do draw the line there!

FellOnMyArseToDay · 10/01/2023 11:03

Dont have children. I know I’ll go back on everything I’ve ever said about parenting and children.

what I “know” as a non- parent (yes I’m a dickhead)

  1. don’t want to coddle or spoil my children.
  2. I don’t want to do gentle parenting, life is harsh and I want them to be prepared for it. I won’t be here forever.
  3. they will have second hand furniture and Clothes. Kids grow too fast
  4. we don’t have aboard holidays as that’s spoiling them. UK is lovely enough
  5. they’ll be encouraged/forced to play with other children
  6. I will discipline my child publicly to reinforce the point
  7. This is a corker - I will not rely on my parent(s) to provide UNPAID child career
  8. I’ll keep up to date with important dates/ school info/brushing teeth etc etc

boiled down to it I know nothing about effective parenting of a child. The child I have in my head won’t be the child I have.

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 10/01/2023 11:09

I get really fed up of new romantic partners of mine who haven't met my teens or got any of their own telling me I should 'get them to do Xyz (eg. Mow lawn, make their own jam tarts instead of buying them or take Christmas tree lights down)

HAVE YOU EVER MET A TEENAGER? They definitely have not met mine.
Choose your battles is my motto. And definitely do not expect a teen to do anything more than get through the day.

If I waited for my teens to take down Xmas lights or mow lawn I'd have a long wait and would have exhausted myself doing the nagging.

Easier and happier just to be their mum and get all the jobs I want doing done myself (but thanks childless romantic partner for thinking I welcome your views and criticism)

PeeAche2 · 10/01/2023 11:09

FellOnMyArseToDay · 10/01/2023 11:03

Dont have children. I know I’ll go back on everything I’ve ever said about parenting and children.

what I “know” as a non- parent (yes I’m a dickhead)

  1. don’t want to coddle or spoil my children.
  2. I don’t want to do gentle parenting, life is harsh and I want them to be prepared for it. I won’t be here forever.
  3. they will have second hand furniture and Clothes. Kids grow too fast
  4. we don’t have aboard holidays as that’s spoiling them. UK is lovely enough
  5. they’ll be encouraged/forced to play with other children
  6. I will discipline my child publicly to reinforce the point
  7. This is a corker - I will not rely on my parent(s) to provide UNPAID child career
  8. I’ll keep up to date with important dates/ school info/brushing teeth etc etc

boiled down to it I know nothing about effective parenting of a child. The child I have in my head won’t be the child I have.

To be fair, you will probably stick to the second hand thing. Kids shit is expensive.

Itschristmastimeinthecity · 10/01/2023 11:10

Many many things

  1. No ipad
  2. No junk food
  3. No reins
  4. never shouting
  5. gentle parenting (I try but sometimes I do number 4, still working on that)
  6. No coddling/spoiling

There's a lot more but that's all I can think of for now.

PeeAche2 · 10/01/2023 11:10

Sorry, unless you need it on next day Prime.

FallopianTubeTrain · 10/01/2023 11:10

PeeAche2 · 10/01/2023 10:35

In rough order of appearance:

Epidurals; breastfeeding; baby rolling off the sofa onto the floor; the CBeebies babysitter; taking a crying baby to a restaurant; being late for nursery; being late for school; giving them my phone to shut them up; cooking 3 different meals just to make everyone happy; calling any breaded white meat a “chicken nugget” in an attempt to flog it to my boy (and sometimes insulting the host / chef / waitress in the process); taking all of my children food shopping for no reason; giving them Calpol in response to everything; empty threats; extended arm bands / stabilisers use; leaving them unattended on YouTube; not bothering with parents evening; lying about why we can’t go around the fete; only going to one sports day; chocolate for breakfast; pizza for breakfast; nothing for breakfast; bribing my children; allowing myself to be bribed by my children; wine.

I was going to hypnobirth out 3 children, nourish them from my own breasts, raise them on green beans and steamed fish and family game nights of trivial pursuit. Before waving them off to Cambridge to pursue whatever makes them happy. It’s a shame.

😅😅😅

This is one of the finest posts I've ever read!

Stag82 · 10/01/2023 11:11

Bubblegum flavoured toothpaste! Realised the constant battle of mint toothpastes was just not worth it

pictoosh · 10/01/2023 11:12

"It's a shame."

Lol at that.

CantMakeHeadNorTail · 10/01/2023 11:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

mrs55 · 10/01/2023 11:14

PeeAche2 · 10/01/2023 10:35

In rough order of appearance:

Epidurals; breastfeeding; baby rolling off the sofa onto the floor; the CBeebies babysitter; taking a crying baby to a restaurant; being late for nursery; being late for school; giving them my phone to shut them up; cooking 3 different meals just to make everyone happy; calling any breaded white meat a “chicken nugget” in an attempt to flog it to my boy (and sometimes insulting the host / chef / waitress in the process); taking all of my children food shopping for no reason; giving them Calpol in response to everything; empty threats; extended arm bands / stabilisers use; leaving them unattended on YouTube; not bothering with parents evening; lying about why we can’t go around the fete; only going to one sports day; chocolate for breakfast; pizza for breakfast; nothing for breakfast; bribing my children; allowing myself to be bribed by my children; wine.

I was going to hypnobirth out 3 children, nourish them from my own breasts, raise them on green beans and steamed fish and family game nights of trivial pursuit. Before waving them off to Cambridge to pursue whatever makes them happy. It’s a shame.

This is amazing made my day 😂😂😂

workinmums · 10/01/2023 11:15

PeeAche2 · 10/01/2023 10:35

In rough order of appearance:

Epidurals; breastfeeding; baby rolling off the sofa onto the floor; the CBeebies babysitter; taking a crying baby to a restaurant; being late for nursery; being late for school; giving them my phone to shut them up; cooking 3 different meals just to make everyone happy; calling any breaded white meat a “chicken nugget” in an attempt to flog it to my boy (and sometimes insulting the host / chef / waitress in the process); taking all of my children food shopping for no reason; giving them Calpol in response to everything; empty threats; extended arm bands / stabilisers use; leaving them unattended on YouTube; not bothering with parents evening; lying about why we can’t go around the fete; only going to one sports day; chocolate for breakfast; pizza for breakfast; nothing for breakfast; bribing my children; allowing myself to be bribed by my children; wine.

I was going to hypnobirth out 3 children, nourish them from my own breasts, raise them on green beans and steamed fish and family game nights of trivial pursuit. Before waving them off to Cambridge to pursue whatever makes them happy. It’s a shame.

You are me and I am you😂😂😂

I also wanted to have a glorious water birth like the one's I see on Instagram. Got the epidural the minute I walked in that labour ward 😂😂

SomethingOriginal2 · 10/01/2023 11:15

Co sleeping
Reusable nappies
Homemade food
Tv
Formula
Divorce 🤣

I remember saying while pregnant that people "just can't be arsed to do what's best for their kids" 🤣🤣 yeah fuck that. Parenting is hard.

I bought a tonne of reusable nappies and sold them on before I'd even taken them out the packs!
But I always knew I'd be a mum who didn't let their baby cry, and I'd let them explore and fall, and wouldn't force clean plates and stuff. I just took all the easy routes. I thought I'd breastfeed till 2ish but my nipples were 100% scab within a week so formula it was.

singingirl · 10/01/2023 11:15

My friends with kids who had really messy cars with ground in cheesy curls, teddies strewn across the back seat, coats in the foot wells.. I was like, ‘I will never let my car get like this!’ Well, my car could now probably win the competition for most Chile friendly car 😂😂😂

singingirl · 10/01/2023 11:16

‘Child friendly’ 😂

nc8975 · 10/01/2023 11:17

Bubblegum flavoured toothpaste! Realised the constant battle of mint toothpastes was just not worth it

Waawaa it's spicy 😩

MrsAvocet · 10/01/2023 11:17

I was going to breastfeed for 3 months, then I would have "done my duty". I lostged the idea and as I was going to go back to work full time at 3 months it would be impractical to continue anyway. And no way, under any circumstances was I ever going to breastfeed in public. We would definitely only be having one child and motherhood was not going to derail my career one little bit. The baby would just learn to fit in with our lifestyle.
I ended up having 3 children, all breastfed til they were at least 3 years old, and in just about any place you can think of. My eldest is 25 now and I never went back to work full time. I did maintain my career and was pretty successful actually, but it ceased to be the most important thing in my life, and my lifestyle learned to fit in with my baby!

MrsAvocet · 10/01/2023 11:18

Loathed that should say...sausage fingers, sorry.

happynewyear11 · 10/01/2023 11:19

Everything I said went out of the window before it had even began!
Months of hypnobirthing classes and I had an induction and an epidural.
I was never ever going to co sleep, still co sleeping now.
No screen time- he loves cbbbies.
Much easier said than done!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 10/01/2023 11:20

I wasn’t going to let them have McDonalds - right up until I was stuck somewhere on a Sunday with a hungry 3 year old -suddenly a fish finger happy meal was ok after all.

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