to want my money back off my parents????

[glaskham]

right long story.... when i was 14 i was in a car accident, not my dads fault, but his car was written off and i was badly injured. I was awarded a pretty large sum (for a 14 year old) of just over £2k....my dad didn't get as much as he'd expected for his car and then decided i should give him £1000 of my compensation ....i was basically told if i didnt agree to it he'd let the cheque expire and i'd get nothing....and at 14 the cheque was left in my parents care....so we put it into an account and i got the sum minus what my dad took....now i can understand them 'borrowing it' if they couldn't afford to buy a new car at the time, but i have since had 2 kids, my own wedding (for which i paid for everything myself)....and we've not heard a thing about the money...it was only recently i remembered dad had taken this money off me...and now they are in a very good position, have a second home in scotland, have at least £10k stashed away in ICAs and plenty of money in the bank....i know thye have paid off their own mortgage and have bought the house in scotland outright- so there is no way they cant afford to give me the money back now....

I spoke to my mum last night about it, and she said she'd speak to dad.....i dont think he's going to give it back to me....his reasoning at the time was his insirance was paid by him, so he should be owed it....'without his unsurance i'd never have gotten the payout'....but it was the other guys insurance company that would have paid, and my dad would've been paid if he'd been in the accident or not so that doesn't work right!!....how do i go about talking to my dad?....he's a very scary bloke- and when it comes to money mum is always the one i talk to.....i dont know how to broach the subject, but i want my money back!!!

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Why don't you come back and post a thread when you have actually asked your dad for the farking dosh instead of working yourself up into a frenzy whispering about it with all the other members of your family.
That way we can all chip in with what we think when we have all the facts, facts which are likely to include including whether your father remembered the money/will pay it back/disowns you for asking for it. So please remember to put all relevant information in the opening post.
At the moment tbh this thread is getting a bit boring - you asked AIBU and then every time someone posts a comment or advice, you respond with counter arguments.
Come back when you have actually ASKED FOR THE MONEY.

flibbertigibbit

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Wow! Couldn't help but comment on this as I am a much "older" Mum. What Custy says, even though you might deem it harsh, cuts clear through to it. It is very difficult to have a perspective other than your own. I am almost 51 (had 3 stepchildren and one natural who is now 13)--so I am ancient compared to you.

My take on this is that your best position is to appreciate every thing that your parents have done to support you over the years and focus and appreciate that--don't go over and over your grievances and what you thought you were entitled to. This is for your own good health and that of your own child.

Find a new source to create additional money, find new ways to create a prosperous life. Look forward, on your own two glorious feet and do you best to let the past go. It will be exhilarating for you. I wish you all good things.

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wisteria - how judgemental of you to say 'I can't decide whether you are just a bit young/ spoilt/ hard done to or just not sure exactly how you feel. '

she's not spoilt ! her dad used to beat her which caused her to move out of home when she was 16...after her mother chose her father over her. and he STOLE compensation money from her, threatening to let the cheque expire if she didn't agree to him having the money for a £4000 new car that he WANTED.

and what's the fact that she's young got anything to do with it?

(im guessing you've read her profile to know that) she's married, she owns her own house, she does her best for children, she paid for her own wedding, she puts money away for her children's futures - so what if she's 22?

She is young but that just shows how much she's achieved in her life and how well she has done to provide for her kids despite how her father treated her and despite having to leave home at 16 and i think that she probably knows her own mind and knows her feeings more than a 'normal' 22 year old who's still at uni drinking away their student loan (like most of my friends LOL)

im not suprised that she feels cheated by her father after how he's treated her and the sort of childhood she's had.

ANYWAY wisteria you're right about one thing maybe she shouldn't have posted on the AIBU board because if you ask for advice on here...prepare to be torn apart ! LOL.

yes maybe a car was an essential for her dad but how many of you would raid your child's saving for £1000 for a £4000 car when you could really do FINE with a £3000 car.

????!!!!

a £4000 car is NOT essential.

correction: on the AIBU board if you ask for advice be prepared to be torn apart... IF in the OP you don't provide every single bit of the relevant information about you, your life, your family, every conversation you have had in the last 3 days regarding the subject, a detailed break down of your incomings and outgoings, what sort of car you drive, how old your children are, whether you agree or disagree with gay marriage and where you buy your shopping from: M&S or Tesco.

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I'll say it again
come back and ask us again when you've actually asked him for the money

Or if you don't want to be torn apart on an AIBU thread, ask him for the money and then put 'I asked my dad for my money back and...' in chat.

Look forward to reading it.

yes £90 a month to pay for about 9hrs of heating a day (4hrs in morning, and 5 in an afternoon-evening.)....my boiler is pretty old and needs to guzzle a bit more gas to heat the house....

I am a Qualified hairdresser and had to leave when i fell pregnant with my son. We have since bought a house with DH's wage, and we accidentally fell pregnant with dd when i was on maternity with ds....with 2 kids my wage if i was working would be gobbled up by nursery fee's so i am a stay at home mum. We pay £90 a month in gas and about £45-50 a month in electric, other than that we pay all our bills each month, our mortgage, and the debts DH acrued while at uni and all we are left with is enough to feed and clothe ourselves....we have no extras, no trips out unless we save for it....if we aren't paying my perents back for the MOT then we'd have an extra £100 to do something with IYSWIM....otherwise its used for other essentials like dh's car taz or something needed doing in the house....I'm not saying i'm hard done by, i work damn hard bringing up my children to respect others and be polite nice young children, and my DH works damn hard to pay for our security and our food....

but when people say they dont know if i'm spoilt??? what on earth gave the impression i could be spiolt?

i give my children as much as i can, they were not planned, but they are very much loved, they have all they could want, and me and my husband make sure of that!!

i didn't say my parents couldn't afford a car in my OP, but that i could understand if they wanted to borrow the money off me till they were in a position to pay it back if it meant my dad could get a better car for his job!! they are in a much better position to give me the money back, and as custy said to 'getting a loan and coming and shoving it up my arse if she was my dad'....well he wouldn't need to take out a loan, thats my whole point- they are loaded and i'm brassic, dont i deserve MY money back from when i was younger to HELP ME now?

fair enough AIBU may have been the wrong place to start this thread but the way some of you have pounced on me!!!- jesus- low and behold if your children are ever in an accident if you'd take money for a car beacuse you take 'them on family trips in it'!!

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DH has to travel 20miles each way to work so not having a car would never work....but i am going for interviews for a part time job at the weekends, with my sister babysitting for my kids if DH is working. but i still dont understand why he couldn't just go for a cheaper car though....he was greedy IMO to want a bigger better car, his old car must have only been worth the £3000 or he would've questioned the sum instead of taking my money, so why deside to get a better model at my expence??

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i dont know if i'd still feel this way if i was in a better position myself....i do know that i did resent them a fair bit for my childhood with my father being the way he was towards me, and the fact my mum chose my dad over me, resulting in me having to leave home as soon as i was 16. I could have rid myself of them then, but i suppose i had no-one else, and me and my 2 sisters are so close i could never not stay in touch with them....and now i have my own children i couldn't stop them from seeing their grandparents. My dad has changed a lot in the past few years, which i think is another reason why i've not just washed my hands of them..... but i'm still scared of him because of how he was with me. I think i have a pre-conception in my head that i'm going to ask him and he's going to think i'm a cheeky cow, when really they used the money to get a better car at the time they needed to, now i need it back to pay them back, replace a couple of things in the house so i'm not as skint each month and have a little nest egg for if i need it....surely thats reasonable to ask of them as my parents when they took that money in the first place?....its just i spoke to my mum last night and she was in the mindset that when it comes to money its very important to my dad, and i'd not have a chance.....i thought i'd leave it with her to open the subject then i could talk to them but she's ignoring my calls and texts today, so i'm upset and hurt- i didn't broach the subject in a nasty horrible way, all in a low toned voice, not raised voices or anything....but i just dont know how to talk to my dad....i suppose i never have spoken to my dad properly- always spoken to mum and she's talked to dad...

that should have said before the kids i did resent them, even though i could afford luxuries, and nice things, days out evenings out etc....

Why, when her father was a child beater, are so many of you trying to justify reasons why he took her money? I'm not understanding why people seem to be pouncing on this poster. It seems remarkably mean to take compensation money from your own child who was severley injured and never give it back. It seems remarkably mean to beat a child. I'd be tempted to beat the £1000 out of him.

Well said Noughty.

I have reread my posts and don't think I am being judgemental actually as I don't view the OP unfavourably for any of those things - there are lots of people out there hung up on what their parents should or shouldn't have done for them (it's something you usually either grow out of or get counselled out of IME) - instead of just being glad for what they have got. That's why I said I couldn't decide. The posts read to me as if the person writing them is young.

It's just clear to me that the OP felt the need to reveal more and more information about her Dad, re beatings etc. to justify her position instead of actually thinking and responding to what comments were saying.

Anyway - wouldn't have wanted to upset you Glaskham so apologies if I have. I left home at 16 for similar reasons to you and held everything against my Dad until quite recently - counselling does help.

motherfunk - give it a rest........you're trying to sort out her whole flippin life out now...

'would you feel this way if you were a lot better off yourself now?' - probably not but SHE ISN'T BETTER OFF NOW that's the whole point. She needs the money, that's why she wants if back and that's why it's so important to her. She's not doing it just to spite her parents or prove a point.

Do you remember a few weeks ago when you asked on a thread about the situation you have with your mum and dad and your ds? (im sure it was you correct me if im wrong!) you started asking a simple question about how to broach the subject with your mum without appearing ungrateful and quite a few posters started picking your life apart and trying to solve all your problems for you....they jumped on the fact you were a DJ etc etc and you kept having to give them more info about yourself to 'justify' your life it seemed! And then they took that info and gave yet more life advice and judged you even more.

Now you're starting to do the same thing to this person! you're just finding comebacks to her points and arguing just for the sake of it....

you say you do fine without a car and you would gladly sell it if you did have one to pay for heating/food. and then you turn around and say that maybe her (child beating, money stealing, blackmailing) dad only wanted to spend £4000 on a car so he had extra security or safety or fuel consumption?

do you see how ridiculous that sounds?

sorry but just leave it, what's the point?

I completely agree with noughty....I borrowed money from my mum countless times over the years and she always made me pay back (to try to teach me the meaning of money etc) but she would have given me her last £1 had she thought I was struggling in any way! Glaskham your dad sounds like a complete controlling bully to me and you should stand up to him and get that money back!!! You deserve compensation from him for the beatings he gave you in any event!!!

i completely agree with noughty - that sums up my whole stance on the issue and i will (try to) say no more!