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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want my money back off my parents????

144 replies

glaskham · 04/02/2008 11:16

right long story.... when i was 14 i was in a car accident, not my dads fault, but his car was written off and i was badly injured. I was awarded a pretty large sum (for a 14 year old) of just over £2k....my dad didn't get as much as he'd expected for his car and then decided i should give him £1000 of my compensation ....i was basically told if i didnt agree to it he'd let the cheque expire and i'd get nothing....and at 14 the cheque was left in my parents care....so we put it into an account and i got the sum minus what my dad took....now i can understand them 'borrowing it' if they couldn't afford to buy a new car at the time, but i have since had 2 kids, my own wedding (for which i paid for everything myself)....and we've not heard a thing about the money...it was only recently i remembered dad had taken this money off me...and now they are in a very good position, have a second home in scotland, have at least £10k stashed away in ICAs and plenty of money in the bank....i know thye have paid off their own mortgage and have bought the house in scotland outright- so there is no way they cant afford to give me the money back now....

I spoke to my mum last night about it, and she said she'd speak to dad.....i dont think he's going to give it back to me....his reasoning at the time was his insirance was paid by him, so he should be owed it....'without his unsurance i'd never have gotten the payout'....but it was the other guys insurance company that would have paid, and my dad would've been paid if he'd been in the accident or not so that doesn't work right!!....how do i go about talking to my dad?....he's a very scary bloke- and when it comes to money mum is always the one i talk to.....i dont know how to broach the subject, but i want my money back!!!

OP posts:

hunkermunker · 04/02/2008 21:23

PP, it was awarded to her as compensation for injuries she'd sustained in the accident - in what way is it not hers?

binkleandflip · 04/02/2008 21:24

Well done, glaskham, that must have taken some doing. If nothing else you have got it off your chest - I hope they decide to give you the money back - even in the guise of helping you out (as if they didnt owe it IYSWIM)

noughty · 04/02/2008 21:24

at Pukka's post. The money was awarded to her for the severe injuries she recieved , from which she is still suffering

Bellavita · 04/02/2008 21:28

Well done you Glaskham

harpsichordcarrier · 04/02/2008 21:33

pukka, the money was awarded to glaskham for her injuries - for her pain suffering and loss of amenity.
how could it possibly not be her money?
did her dad suffer the pain and suffering?
his losses would have been accounted for, whatever they were.
the award was to her, and her alone.
yes, he stole it.

MotherFunk · 04/02/2008 21:33

Message withdrawn

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/02/2008 21:54

Pukka, you are very wrong. But I think you may have realised that from posts before mine

Original poster

glaskham · 05/02/2008 08:57

thanks....my mum phoned me later yesterday evening and she said 'well you still owe us £200 for the car.....so if we take it off the money we took is that ok?'....i was over the moon....to be honest i NEVER thought i'd get it all back....if anything i said to DH that even if they just wrote off the money we owe them i'd call it quits... i cant believe how good i feel for overcoming my fear and confronting my dad....if i can ask him something like that, then i think me and my dad can get almost back to a normal relationship!!

OP posts:

edam · 05/02/2008 09:04

Wow, well done Glaskham! Hope this gives you a lot more confidence about standing up for yourself. You never know, your dad might start to treat you with a bit more respect now - sometimes bullies back off when they realise their victims aren't going to roll over and take it any more.

FWIW I can't believe all the posters who thought it was OK for your Dad to steal your money. Amazing.

edam · 05/02/2008 09:05

(Mind you, they also owe you x years interest on the money, so they've got a flaming cheek taking £200 off. But probably best not to argue that one right now.)

Flibbertyjibbet · 05/02/2008 11:53

See, all you had to do was ask.

No AIBU thread required at all.

chocchipcookie · 05/02/2008 15:01

FJ sometimes you need to spin things around.

WELL DONE G!!!!!

Chequers · 05/02/2008 15:24

Message withdrawn

Flibbertyjibbet · 05/02/2008 16:54

The POINT of my comment, if you have not read the whole thread, is:

My earlier post said why not go and ask dad, then come back and ask advice based on what his response is.
So she asked (obv not just because I suggeseted it), and is going to get the money, which is great.
So could have put a thread of 'I stood up to my dad' and we would have all been patting her on the back
Instead of an AIBU thread in which the poor girl ended up explaining every aspect of her life from childhood with an angry dad, to justifying her heating bills!

Well done for asking him, and perhaps getting this 'out of the way' and talking to him properly adult to adult will do your whole relationship a whole lot of good.

Chequers · 05/02/2008 16:55

Message withdrawn

Original poster

glaskham · 05/02/2008 17:10

but then what is the point of having a forum like this where people should feel they can come and vernt, and in my case ask for advice if there are rules and regulations (according to some) on when i 'should have posted?....i came on here becuase i was unsure if i was being unreasonable about wanting the money back, and fromt he majority of the responces i figured i wasn't being unreasonable.....just a choice few decided i was an ungrateful cow to my parents feeding me and clothing me and thought i shouldn't ask!! Isn't feeding and clothing what a parent does in that responsibility, i would never expect a child of mine to 'pay be back' for that like some suggested!!

OP posts:

Chequers · 05/02/2008 17:51

Message withdrawn

sunchowder · 05/02/2008 23:08

Cow reporting in here! Glaskham, my intention with my post was not to make you feel spoiled or wrong, but just to inspire you to create more prosperity in your own life. I am glad you spoke with your father and you have worked it all out with not only maintaining the relationship, but possibly improving it. I, myself, would never risk losing a relationship over a thousand pounds and I am not minimizing the money, nor am I saying your Dad was right. I am a peacemaker. I hope you will be able to take my comments in that light.

chocchipcookie · 06/02/2008 12:27

I genuninely think that is an interesting point SC. I have spent years being a 'peacemaker' but am now fed up with it and am in rebellion. There is a fine line between peacemaker and doormat IMO.

If maintaining a relationship means putting up with what is wrong or feeling afraid to say what is right (which I think the OP did here, well done again) then what is it worth really?

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