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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who's wrong? Parent or Dog owner?

224 replies

crashbangg · 03/01/2023 09:39

My DH went to his friends house and took DS.
His other friend also visited and bought his dog.
The dog kept doing up to my DS who isn't keen on dogs and sometimes quite scared. He wanted to play with the other DC but stayed on the sofa as he was scared of the dog.
DH told the dog owner once, then the dog owner was still letting his dog run around and get up on the sofa so my DH apparently got a bit short with him telling him he needs to sort his dog out. Dog owner then got in a mood and left.

AIBU to think dog owners should keep their dogs away from people/children's especially those who don't like them???

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 03/01/2023 09:42

I think it was for the house owner to set the rules. If the house owner was happy to have a dog there and allow it on their sofa then I think your H has to accept that.
Its quite hard to keep a dog away from a child though and it sounds like the dog was just being a dog and doing nothing wrong (although mine isn’t allowed on the sofa).
It would have been nice if the dog owner or house owner had been more sensitive to your child’s fear but they were under no obligation to lock it away or anything

Lockheart · 03/01/2023 09:45

Neither, but the friend who's house they were visiting should have sorted it.

Doesn't sound like the dog was causing any problems and was invited too. Just say to the friend next time that your child is scared of dogs so could they let you know if a dog has been invited.

Hereward1332 · 03/01/2023 09:46

Dog owner 100% wrong. The dog was causing a nuisance to another guest, but apparently the dog's need to run around upsetting people trumps anyone else's. If it was OP's son who was running up to adults, annoying them, climbing on furniture he had been told not to then we would all be bemoaning the lack of appropriate parenting.

Hereward1332 · 03/01/2023 09:49

Doesn't sound like the dog was causing any problems

Have you read the OP? It was enough of a problem that OP's DH had to ask the owner to stop it annoying his son.

Aprilx · 03/01/2023 09:49

Dogs do tend to go up to people and if the house owner is happy for a dog to be there and happy for a dog to be on the sofa, then that is there prerogative. Your DH should have left if he had a problem with the situation.

Aprilx · 03/01/2023 09:49

*their

bloodywhitecat · 03/01/2023 09:50

As I dog owner (in the past) I would've made sure the dog wasn't approaching anyone who didn't want to be approached. It's not hard to teach a dog "settle" so I used to take a blanket with me when we went visiting so our dog could settle on his mat without hassling others.

AdaColeman · 03/01/2023 09:52

The dog owner was in the wrong. He should have kept his dog under control, especially around children.
No doubt the dog owner said "My doggie is only playing".

Roundabout78 · 03/01/2023 09:52

Agree it’s the on the house owner.l to decide.
also really depends on the situation, and none of us were there. I’ve seen dogs who are mouthy, powerful, jumping up repeatedly and jumping.
Equally I’ve seen kids who “don’t like dogs” don’t a silly cry, whining and making a fuss whenever a dog comes within 5 feet of them. So it’s hard to judge.

GimmeBiscuits · 03/01/2023 09:52

I'm going to agree that the dog owner was in the wrong. If someone is scared of dogs, then that should be taken into consideration.
Not quite the same scenario, but the same attitude with off-lead dogs in parks that run up to and jump all over complete strangers. Recently, a dog approached me and jumped up at me, putting mud all over my coat and trousers. The owner just gave a pathetic half-smile and said, "Oh, he's very friendly".
That's as maybe, but didn't stop me being covered in mud. Fortunately, I was only going shopping and not to an interview or other important meeting.
Dogs need to be kept under control.

Alexandernevermind · 03/01/2023 09:53

I wouldn't have allowed my dog to approach someone who didn't like them, for the dog's safety more than anything. Your dh should have left, as everyone was invited, but the situation didn't suit your child.

nancydroo · 03/01/2023 09:54

Dog owner big problem. Even if dogs approach people in a friendly manner if they jump up their claws hurt. Not their intention.
Not nice visit for the poor kid.

crossstitchingnana · 03/01/2023 09:54

Dog should have been kept away from child. However, and I mean this gently, your child needs to get over their fear.

TrashyPanda · 03/01/2023 09:55

Up to householder.

as a parent, I would have been more pro active, staying beside DS so he could play with the other children, pushing dog away etc.

SirSniffsAlot · 03/01/2023 09:56

As a dog owner, you don't allow your dog to approach anyone uninvited.

This is especially true when the human is a child and is scared. All questions of right/wrong and manners etc aside, you are taking a risk with your dog's welfare by allowing that.

It is not a punishment for a dog to be asked to remain quietly by the side of their handler during a visit.

Treetrim · 03/01/2023 09:59

I’m a dog owner whose dog has the run of the house and is one of the family. He’s a dote and as irritating as I might find it when a visitor who very scared of dogs, I will always put him in the garden or utility for the duration of the visit. It’s manners

EatYourVegetables · 03/01/2023 10:01

Dog owner, massively so.

Anotheryearsameshitshow · 03/01/2023 10:02

Knowing how to behave around a ddog is a skill everyone should know. Maybe the dc would have actually made a new friend... Not all ddogs are savage killers. Presumably the dc wasn't invited round as a snack and the owner was happy they were in the same room.

Judgyjudgy · 03/01/2023 10:03

Dog owner. Sounds like it was being a pain. If it was a kid being a pain I would also expect the owner ie parent to step in.
I also think if someone is scared of dogs that's particularly inconsiderate

LolaSmiles · 03/01/2023 10:03

Depends. If the dog was getting in your child's face then dog owner should have stepped in, if your child was getting upset because the dog as walked past them then that's for your DH to manage by sitting with his child and being proactive.

Dog on the sofa is up to the homeowner.

I question how bad it actually was though because I'm a dog owner and if I felt another dog was scaring my child then I'd have taken my child home and removed them from the situation.

I certainly wouldn't leave my scared child on a sofa so I could prioritise seeing my mates (which is what your DH did) and then be rude to other people.

CoffeeBoy · 03/01/2023 10:04

Dog owner should either have kept dog on a lead when he realised there was an issue and/or asked the scared kid if he wanted to come and get to know the dog and facilitated a nice, calm meeting. My nephew used to be terrified of dogs and doing the latter (on my nephews terms) with my calm dog really helped him.

Brefugee · 03/01/2023 10:06

Dog owner is a knob. But this was a good opportunity for knob-dog-owner and your DH to introduce the DC to a dog in a controlled environment to start getting over this fear.

mumto2teenagers · 03/01/2023 10:06

I think it really depends on the situation, if the dog was jumping up at your DS then the dog owner should have stopped this, but if the dog was invited and the home owner was okay with it being on the sofa and the dog was just getting up onto the sofa near to you DS then your DH was being unreasonable, perfectly fine for him to leave but not fair to complain to the dog owner or house owner.

Dello · 03/01/2023 10:07

Dog owner and house owner

YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan · 03/01/2023 10:15

Had similar with my dog. He regularly visits a relatives house with me which is also where he stays when I'm away, so he views it as his second home!

Relative also has a friend who visits and brings a small child who is scared of dogs.

Started off by having the child and dog in the same room but keeping them separate. It was kind of saying to the dog "she's over there but she's none of our business so you just keep playing there with your toys" and saying to the child "there's a dog there, but he's ignoring you so you don't need to freak out because there's a dog in the room."

Once they got used to each other being there, they existed peacefully. Child gradually got used to the dog and one day asked to stroke him. On my last visit, they were rolling around the floor together like lunatics!

Not saying you have to get to that stage but there should be give and take on both sides, so the dog knows they don't approach people unless the person instigates it and the child knows that not all dogs are scary and they don't have to be terrified of them.

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