Page 4 | Who's wrong? Parent or Dog owner?

crashbangg · 2023-01-03T09:39:01+00:00

My DH went to his friends house and took DS. His other friend also visited and bought his dog. The dog kept doing up to my DS who isn't keen on dogs and sometimes quite scared. He wanted to play with the other DC but stayed on the sofa as he was scared of the dog. DH told the dog owner once, then the dog owner was still letting his dog run around and get up on the sofa so my DH apparently got a bit short with him telling him he needs to sort his dog out. Dog owner then got in a mood and left. AIBU to think dog owners should keep their dogs away from people/children's especially those who don't like them???

User359472111111 · 03/01/2023 12:10

MelchiorsMistress · 03/01/2023 12:07

The dog wandering around the house wasn’t the problem. Your child’s fear was the problem, as evidenced by the fact that the other children were playing fine.

The dog owner should not have had to make his visit to the householder difficult just because your DH took his child who doesn’t like dogs. Nor should the harmless dog have to be restrained when he was doing nothing wrong. Your child chose to stay near his parent. Your DH was very rude and entitled and was probably just irritated that he had to parent instead of letting his kid go off and be entertained.

Spot the rude and entitles dog owner who thinks their mutts are equivalent to humans.

User359472111111 · 03/01/2023 12:11

RobinaCherry · 03/01/2023 12:02

It really isn’t an unnecessary fear. Nobody would say to a woman who complained of a strange man bothering her ‘oh you could have used it as an opportunity to get over that silly unnecessary fear.’ It is normal and natural to be nervous of strange dogs - sometimes dogs kill children, and this often happens in there or a friend’s home. So being frightened of a dog who repeatedly approaches you despite you not wanting that is completely natural and to be honest quite sensible

Exactly. I was frightened of dogs as a child due to my brother being bitten by a neighbour's dog. It just tore down the street and bit the back of his leg for absolutely no reason we could determine. I myself was bitten by a random Jack Russell who ran out of a garden gate at me as I walked by, when I was around 10 years old, and also by a boyfriend's dog who nipped my ankle as I left a room. I know others who have been bitten, one or two by their own dogs.
Not savaged, obviously, but bitten, and it hurts! It's perfectly normal to be wary of dogs if you've had these experiences and especially a young child.

No amount of 'introducing me to small friendly dogs in a safe environment' cut any ice with me. Get the bloody thing away from me. It's only time and the realisation that most dogs are not in the slightest bit interested in me that has allayed most of my fears. Being pushed into it does not help because your brain goes into panic. Having said all that, I'm still wary of strange dogs and there are an increasing number of uncontrolled dogs around this past few years who will run and jump at you. And owners who tell you he's just being friendly. Whilst I'm not terrified any more, I really just don't want them on me, jumping at me, sniffing my crotch where the only thing you can do is keep turning away while the owner thinks it's hilarious. Just keep your dogs off people. Preferably 6ft away from my personal space and everyone will be happy.

This.

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 03/01/2023 12:15

What are you going to do to help your son overcome this fear then ? My nephew was like this and it does impact on their life. When they were invited to friends houses after school or family members they wouldn't go because of the dog. When out on a walk there are dogs everywhere. Cafes. Beach you name it. Why didn't your husband encourage your son to relax around the dog. It's obviously a family dog so would ha e been friendly. You can't avoid this problem you need to solve it. The way your husband handled it has reinforced to your son that dogs should t be around kids. Wrong message

MelchiorsMistress · 03/01/2023 12:17

User359472111111 · 03/01/2023 12:10

Spot the rude and entitles dog owner who thinks their mutts are equivalent to humans.

Show quote history

I don’t have a dog or a small child, but if I did have a small child who was being prevented from playing because of a dog who wasn’t doing anything harmful, then I’d spend the time sitting on the floor with the child while they played so that I could keep the dog away, or I would help them to get to know the dog and how to treat it and be safe.

I wouldn’t reinforce their fear by expecting the dog to be removed because that’s teaching the child that there was something to be scared of when there wasn’t, and that they have the right to demand other people pander to them.

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 03/01/2023 12:17

UWhatNow · 03/01/2023 12:07

I would’ve taken my child and left tbh. No animal or human should have the right to physically get up on and frighten a young child. I’m amazed and saddened that is even a point of debate.

What's has that taught the child then ? That dogs are scary are need to be taken away. That is not going to help. Don't be so ridiculous

UWhatNow · 03/01/2023 12:18

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 03/01/2023 12:15

What are you going to do to help your son overcome this fear then ? My nephew was like this and it does impact on their life. When they were invited to friends houses after school or family members they wouldn't go because of the dog. When out on a walk there are dogs everywhere. Cafes. Beach you name it. Why didn't your husband encourage your son to relax around the dog. It's obviously a family dog so would ha e been friendly. You can't avoid this problem you need to solve it. The way your husband handled it has reinforced to your son that dogs should t be around kids. Wrong message

You expect dog owners to control their animals so that you can go through life unmolested. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to have an expectation of unwanted non-molestation in life isn’t it? Or are you an entitled dog owner who thinks the world revolves around your dog?

WoolyMammoth55 · 03/01/2023 12:19

OP, I'm a mum and a dog owner. Our dog is petite cocker spaniel, gentle and loving, and has the run of our house. She's an old lady now and very chill, but as a pup she was obsessed with welcoming everyone who arrived at the house and definitely would have given your DS an enthusiastic waggy-tailed greeting (or 7).

If we have playdates here I always check in advance that the kids are dog-confident. If they aren't then we either meet at the park instead or I work hard to ensure dDog is settled and stays away from the children who are here.

However, in a mutual friend's house, if your DH could see that your DS was unhappy and the dog wasn't well controlled, then I think honestly it's on your DH to put his son ahead of his social life and make an excuse to leave. Very tricky to dictate to a disinterested dog owner how to control their dog if the host is relaxed about the dog's behaviour.

I don't think it's relevant who was invited first - your DH and the dog owner were both invited guests and presumably equally welcome.

If your son is unhappy somewhere then it's on the parent to remove him.

RhymeHasAReason · 03/01/2023 12:19

My dogs are soft as anything but I still wouldn’t want them around a group of young children for both the kids and my dogs sake. Dogs and a group of young children bouncing around is a recipe for disaster.

My dogs would either have been left at home, made to sit calmly with me (if all the children and dog were comfortable with that) or I’d have moved into another room with them. If another person didn’t do this if they were the ones with the dog, I’d have left with my child.

I don’t know how anyone could be ok with seeing a child scared and not take action.

Blanketpolicy · 03/01/2023 12:19

Unknown dogs and unknown children should not be given free reign around each other.

Both the owner and your dh should have kept their respective dog/child under control and away from the other.

All the dog owner had to do was put the dog on its lead and get it to settle at his feet, then your dh could let your ds play ensuring he kept out of range of the dog and did not annoy the dog (loud noises etc)

Original poster

crashbangg · 03/01/2023 12:19

DS wouldn't have been scared of the dog just generally being there, he was scared when it keeps coming over to go trying to lick him and jump on him. So it's the 'fear' is proportionate I think, doesn't need to be dealt with.
I don't fancy a dog jumping all over me either and I'd expect it to be stopped.
If my DS kept trying to jump on the dog I guess that wouldn't be ok?

OP posts:

Aftersevens · 03/01/2023 12:19

@Kanaloa
The only thing it would limit you from would be owning a dog. If you choose not to own or work with dogs, then it is very very easy to avoid all contact with them. Unknown dogs should never ever be approaching you anyway! So it wouldn’t limit your life in any way to avoid contact with dogs.

Unfortunately that’s not true. It’s almost impossible to avoid all contact with dogs. I’ve seen many, many people who are so afraid that they cannot go for a walk in the park, or even to the shops.

And truthfully, why would you want to go to the lengths to avoid them whilst also having to rely on the fact that all dog owners will be responsible (which unfortunately not all are) when you could work on yourself and overcome a limiting fear?

Original poster

crashbangg · 03/01/2023 12:20

Also in response to a few people saying DH should have kept DS under control and shown him how to act around a dog. He sat up off the floor away from the dog calmly. What more do you was a 4 year old to do??

OP posts:

UWhatNow · 03/01/2023 12:21

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 03/01/2023 12:17

What's has that taught the child then ? That dogs are scary are need to be taken away. That is not going to help. Don't be so ridiculous

Show quote history

Yes. Dogs should taken away from anyone who doesn’t want them up in their face. Dogs are not the priority here - legally or morally.

UWhatNow · 03/01/2023 12:24

“If your son is unhappy somewhere then it's on the parent to remove him.”

No responsibility given to the owner of the dog causing the issue then? Blame the victim then rather than restrict the poor ickle doggie…

StoppinBy · 03/01/2023 12:24

Dog shouldn't be allowed to bother anyone but if it was just wandering around minding it's own business in the same general area I don't think the dog owner is at fault.

Personally if I knew our dog was going to upset someone I wouldn't have taken it and if have kept it on a lead if I found out after I arrived but I know lots of people don't think that way.

I would suggest working with your child on his fear though as it's not nice to have a Fear of something you will often come into contact with.

My daughter has a friend who is no longer invited to our house due to their fear of our dog, the minute they walk through our front door they start carrying on about our dog (who has been on the other side of our back door at the time), they then want to constantly be going from inside to outside, all the while carrying on, squealing, screaming and trying to run away every time our dog even looks in their direction (which our dog interprets as play so gets excited about). Due to the constant inside/outside migration it's impossible to keep the dog separated and I've just told my daughter they can't come anymore as it's too hard.

It's a shame for my daughter but my dog lives here and the child doesn't.

Kanaloa · 03/01/2023 12:25

Aftersevens · 03/01/2023 12:19

@Kanaloa
The only thing it would limit you from would be owning a dog. If you choose not to own or work with dogs, then it is very very easy to avoid all contact with them. Unknown dogs should never ever be approaching you anyway! So it wouldn’t limit your life in any way to avoid contact with dogs.

Unfortunately that’s not true. It’s almost impossible to avoid all contact with dogs. I’ve seen many, many people who are so afraid that they cannot go for a walk in the park, or even to the shops.

And truthfully, why would you want to go to the lengths to avoid them whilst also having to rely on the fact that all dog owners will be responsible (which unfortunately not all are) when you could work on yourself and overcome a limiting fear?

Of course it’s true! Since our dog sadly passed I haven’t had one dog touch me. Because I don’t want them to. It is extremely possible to avoid all contact with dogs if you do not want dogs near you.

Kanaloa · 03/01/2023 12:26

And once again, it is not a limiting fear. The only thing it limits you from is owning dogs - which you wouldn’t want anyway! It does not limit you to avoid contact with other people’s dogs.

MelchiorsMistress · 03/01/2023 12:26

crashbangg · 03/01/2023 12:20

Also in response to a few people saying DH should have kept DS under control and shown him how to act around a dog. He sat up off the floor away from the dog calmly. What more do you was a 4 year old to do??

What were the other children doing?

Original poster

crashbangg · 03/01/2023 12:29

There was only 1 other child, they live at the house at is 10 years old, not sure what they were doing specifically at that time. Waiting for my DC to get off the sofa probably

OP posts:

Anotheryearsameshitshow · 03/01/2023 12:29

Anyone care to remember the ddog was in it's own home here? ! Not bothering anyone. Just like living in it's own environment! And trying to be sociable like the rest of the household! Christ the world is nuts. Maybe ddog owners need a questionnaire filled in about the ddog before anyone enters...
Will post a pic of what happens when ds's mates come round.
Everyone is happy and nobody has been savaged.

We have family friendly ddogs. We have ddog friendly friends.

It is a great success.

Kanaloa · 03/01/2023 12:30

Anotheryearsameshitshow · 03/01/2023 12:29

Anyone care to remember the ddog was in it's own home here? ! Not bothering anyone. Just like living in it's own environment! And trying to be sociable like the rest of the household! Christ the world is nuts. Maybe ddog owners need a questionnaire filled in about the ddog before anyone enters...
Will post a pic of what happens when ds's mates come round.
Everyone is happy and nobody has been savaged.

We have family friendly ddogs. We have ddog friendly friends.

It is a great success.

Well actually it wasn’t in its own home. It was an unexpected guest in the home, invited after the children had been. So maybe that’s why people aren’t ‘remembering’ that - because it isn’t true.

Anotheryearsameshitshow · 03/01/2023 12:31

Here..

MsMarch · 03/01/2023 12:31

@CosyKnits
What I can't do is mitigate against is how the animal and/or owner behaves, anymore than I can stop a car from going through a red light or speeding. Ultimately the driver/dog owner is in charge of the thing than can do harm and needs to be in control of it.

You can't stop a car from going through a red light, nor how an animal behaves. But you CAN teach your child how to be aware and to protect themselves. I tell my children to watch if the car is going to fast... can they tell it's stopping, is the driver paying attention etc. And its the same for dogs. My children have been taught not to approach strange dogs without permission, they know to let a dog sniff their hand. I tell them not to run or cower because dogs respond to body language. Of course, with a truly violent and aggressive dog these tactics won't help them, but they WILL help with a dog who has a lax or casual owner.

StoppinBy · 03/01/2023 12:31

Anotheryearsameshitshow · 03/01/2023 12:29

Anyone care to remember the ddog was in it's own home here? ! Not bothering anyone. Just like living in it's own environment! And trying to be sociable like the rest of the household! Christ the world is nuts. Maybe ddog owners need a questionnaire filled in about the ddog before anyone enters...
Will post a pic of what happens when ds's mates come round.
Everyone is happy and nobody has been savaged.

We have family friendly ddogs. We have ddog friendly friends.

It is a great success.

It was a visiting dog.

It was not a residential dog.

It's owner was invited and arrived after OP's DH and child.

Might pay to reread the OP.

maddy68 · 03/01/2023 12:33

Why is your child scared of dogs? Encourage him to play with friendly dogs. Problem solved