Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who's wrong? Parent or Dog owner?

224 replies

crashbangg · 03/01/2023 09:39

My DH went to his friends house and took DS.
His other friend also visited and bought his dog.
The dog kept doing up to my DS who isn't keen on dogs and sometimes quite scared. He wanted to play with the other DC but stayed on the sofa as he was scared of the dog.
DH told the dog owner once, then the dog owner was still letting his dog run around and get up on the sofa so my DH apparently got a bit short with him telling him he needs to sort his dog out. Dog owner then got in a mood and left.

AIBU to think dog owners should keep their dogs away from people/children's especially those who don't like them???

OP posts:
RhymeHasAReason · 03/01/2023 12:35

maddy68 · 03/01/2023 12:33

Why is your child scared of dogs? Encourage him to play with friendly dogs. Problem solved

I love dog but ffs. 🙄

girlmom21 · 03/01/2023 12:36

maddy68 · 03/01/2023 12:33

Why is your child scared of dogs? Encourage him to play with friendly dogs. Problem solved

Dogs who are over-excited and over-interested are not dogs to integrate 4 year olds with.

Aftersevens · 03/01/2023 12:38

Kanaloa · 03/01/2023 12:26

And once again, it is not a limiting fear. The only thing it limits you from is owning dogs - which you wouldn’t want anyway! It does not limit you to avoid contact with other people’s dogs.

It’s great that you’re not afraid of dogs, can avoid touching them and it doesn’t stop you going out. However, that is not the case for many. It is extremely limiting for some.

RhymeHasAReason · 03/01/2023 12:41

Also, I’d be pleased if my 4 year old was cautious around uncontrolled bouncy dogs with irresponsible owners! Everyone should be cautious of that.

Aftersevens · 03/01/2023 12:42

UWhatNow · 03/01/2023 12:24

“If your son is unhappy somewhere then it's on the parent to remove him.”

No responsibility given to the owner of the dog causing the issue then? Blame the victim then rather than restrict the poor ickle doggie…

To be fair, I don’t think that’s what the majority of pps are saying. I think it’s very reasonable to expect a level of responsibility from both sides. The dog should be kept under control, but likewise the child should be encouraged to not be afraid of a friendly dog.

Kanaloa · 03/01/2023 12:45

Aftersevens · 03/01/2023 12:38

It’s great that you’re not afraid of dogs, can avoid touching them and it doesn’t stop you going out. However, that is not the case for many. It is extremely limiting for some.

Show quote history

Maybe for an extreme minority of people. There are not ‘many, many’ people restricted to their homes by their fear of dogs. Most people are able to simply avoid contact with dogs if they do not want to have contact with dogs.

Kanaloa · 03/01/2023 12:47

And even if you were able to tolerate dogs in public, it is not unreasonable or irrational to object strongly to being constantly approached and harassed by a dog. If you say ‘I don’t like dogs’ then the dog should be immediately stopped from approaching or bothering you in any way. If the owner cannot stop their dog from repeatedly approaching and trying to touch a child then it is extremely rational and sensible to be frightened or nervous, because the dog is obviously not able to be controlled by it’s owner.

So in point - even if they did ‘work on his fear’ this situation is still unacceptable. Even if he wasn’t afraid, he had the right not to be harassed by someone’s ‘friendly’ uncontrolled animal.

RobinaCherry · 03/01/2023 12:55

So in point - even if they did ‘work on his fear’ this situation is still unacceptable. Even if he wasn’t afraid, he had the right not to be harassed by someone’s ‘friendly’ uncontrolled animal

Exactly. As an adult I'm not terrified of dogs any more but I do dislike them jumping at me or getting close enough to lick or sniff. What do I do? Work on my dislike?

RhymeHasAReason · 03/01/2023 12:57

Aftersevens · 03/01/2023 12:42

To be fair, I don’t think that’s what the majority of pps are saying. I think it’s very reasonable to expect a level of responsibility from both sides. The dog should be kept under control, but likewise the child should be encouraged to not be afraid of a friendly dog.

Show quote history

’Friendly dog’ seems to be the problematic term. I would encourage my child to not be afraid of a calm dog with a responsible owner. But I would encourage my child to keep away from bouncy dogs with shit owners.

Aftersevens · 03/01/2023 13:16

Kanaloa · 03/01/2023 12:45

Maybe for an extreme minority of people. There are not ‘many, many’ people restricted to their homes by their fear of dogs. Most people are able to simply avoid contact with dogs if they do not want to have contact with dogs.

Show quote history

I think we’re going to have to agree to disagree on this!

Kanaloa · 03/01/2023 13:19

Aftersevens · 03/01/2023 13:16

I think we’re going to have to agree to disagree on this!

Show quote history

Yeah we can disagree that there are ‘many, many’ people in the UK who are trapped in their homes due to fear of dogs. Because it just isn’t true.

I’m sure you won’t disagree that, regardless of fear, everyone has the right not to be approached or harassed by other people’s pets.

FangedFrisbee · 03/01/2023 13:19

I think your husband was a bit ridiculous tbh. Couldn't he have said to the house owner 'oh my kid is so scared of dogs that I'll have to either go home or shout at them for allowing their dog to be anywhere near my child..

In fact if your kid is so deathly afraid of dogs and your DH knew a dog was on the way why didn't he say if sorry I'll have to go home then?

RobinaCherry · 03/01/2023 13:26

In fact if your kid is so deathly afraid of dogs and your DH knew a dog was on the way why didn't he say if sorry I'll have to go home then?

OP has said the child is not overly afraid of calm and settled dogs. This dog was scatty and excitable and jumping on the sofa beside the child. That's unacceptable. He maybe didn't realise initially that it was an ill-controlled dog.

Orangebadger · 03/01/2023 13:29

As a parent and dog owner I would say the dog owner. If I am with my dog and someone doesn't like dogs, especially a child who is sacred of dogs, it doesn't matter how much my dog loves people and kids, it's my responsibility to keep my dog under control and keep them away from that person/ child.

Aftersevens · 03/01/2023 13:31

Kanaloa · 03/01/2023 13:19

Yeah we can disagree that there are ‘many, many’ people in the UK who are trapped in their homes due to fear of dogs. Because it just isn’t true.

I’m sure you won’t disagree that, regardless of fear, everyone has the right not to be approached or harassed by other people’s pets.

Show quote history

I’m not sure why you’re so adamant about this. I have personally met many people who are indeed limited by their fears.
But you can only help those who want to be helped. If you’re happy then I’m happy for you.

Climbles · 03/01/2023 13:35

Dog owner was unreasonable and should have kept the dog away or put it on a lead. It depends what ‘a bit short’ means as to if your Dh was unreasonable too. He could have just asked him to put it on a lead.

Kanaloa · 03/01/2023 13:36

Aftersevens · 03/01/2023 13:31

I’m not sure why you’re so adamant about this. I have personally met many people who are indeed limited by their fears.
But you can only help those who want to be helped. If you’re happy then I’m happy for you.

Show quote history

Erm, okay…

Yeah I am adamant that there aren’t ‘many, many’ people in the UK who are effectively housebound (unable to attend shops or walk outside) by a fear of dogs. There are probably a small minority who are affected like that, but it won’t be ‘many, many’ people.

ButterBastardBeans · 03/01/2023 13:38

The dog owner massively in the wrong.

TheMoth · 03/01/2023 13:48

The dc weren't scared of dogs until both of them, at different times, had random dogs run up and at them when they were toddlers. Took dc2 years to get past it. Luckily we had friends with dogs, so they could get used to them in safe environments. If you're 4, dogs can be pretty bloody big!

I'm an adult, and I'm wary of dogs off lead. Especially if I'm out running and someone's dog comes bounding towards me. I have no idea if it wants to play or chase me.

MissyB1 · 03/01/2023 13:48

Dc is 4 and they were the invited guests. Dog owner was called and invited whilst they were there

Yes so the dog owner was also an invited guest then. It’s not a case of first guest gets to dictate what happens! If the homeowner was happy with the dog’s behaviour then your dh should have left if he and your dc weren’t happy. It was not for your Dh to start making another guest feel they had to leave. If I was the homeowner I would be quite annoyed with your Dh.

Bookworm20 · 03/01/2023 13:52

Another entitled dog owner.

The dog owner should not have had to make his visit to the householder difficult just because your DH took his child who doesn’t like dogs. Nor should the harmless dog have to be restrained when he was doing nothing wrong. Your child chose to stay near his parent. Your DH was very rude and entitled and was probably just irritated that he had to parent instead of letting his kid go off and be entertained.

Lets reverse this.
Imagine it was the child bothering the dog. Can you imagine the uproar! But because its a 'friendly' dog bothering the child, they should just get over it.
I bet you'd be screaming for a child to leave your precious dog alone.

The dog owner should not have had to make his visit to the householder difficult just because your DH took his child who doesn’t like dogs.

Imagine: The childs father should not have had to cut his visit short just because the dog owner took his dog, who doesn't like children.

Nor should the harmless dog have to be restrained when he was doing nothing wrong. (except jumping up a small child and licking them)

Nor should the harmless child have to be told to stay away from the dog, when he was doing nothing wrong. (just jumping on the dog and prodding it)

Your child chose to stay near his parent. - (yes, not asking for the dog to keep jumping on him)

Your dog chose to stay near its owner. (not asking for the child to keep jumping on it)

So yeah in that reverse situation, where the dog is staying away and not able to run around the room and being constantly jumped on and poked by a child. Would you, as a the dog owner say anything? I bet you'd be telling that parent to keep their child off your dog immediately.

So it works the other way around!
If your dog is being a pain towards a child who repeatedly shows they are scared and want nothing to do with them, you keep them away. Its really not that bloody hard to grasp is it?

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 03/01/2023 13:53

RobinaCherry · 03/01/2023 13:26

In fact if your kid is so deathly afraid of dogs and your DH knew a dog was on the way why didn't he say if sorry I'll have to go home then?

OP has said the child is not overly afraid of calm and settled dogs. This dog was scatty and excitable and jumping on the sofa beside the child. That's unacceptable. He maybe didn't realise initially that it was an ill-controlled dog.

No where does the op say the dog was jumping or getting In anyone's face

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 03/01/2023 13:54

ButterBastardBeans · 03/01/2023 13:38

The dog owner massively in the wrong.

For allowing his friendly family dog to sit on the sofa next to a child. Give over

thingumybob · 03/01/2023 13:56

I wouldn't have let my dog do that in the circumstances so I'd say dog owner. In fact even with my old super calm and gentle dog who wouldn't hurt a fly, I used to shut him in the kitchen when we had visiting children. They were welcome to go and say hello to him and stroke him through the gate but there was no danger of him inadvertently upsetting them by approaching them in a way they were not comfortable with.

I do think children should be taught how to behave around dogs both to not be unnecessarily scared and to stop them putting themselves in danger, but letting a strange dog jump at them is never going to help.

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 03/01/2023 13:56

RobinaCherry · 03/01/2023 12:55

So in point - even if they did ‘work on his fear’ this situation is still unacceptable. Even if he wasn’t afraid, he had the right not to be harassed by someone’s ‘friendly’ uncontrolled animal

Exactly. As an adult I'm not terrified of dogs any more but I do dislike them jumping at me or getting close enough to lick or sniff. What do I do? Work on my dislike?

It sat on the sofa beside the child !