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Original poster

Embarrassed to say I'm lonely

204 replies

Richmond212 · 02/01/2023 20:08

Mum of 4 aged 42. Even with a DH and a house full of kids (aged between 21 and 6) I get lonely. I did have friends but they've fizzled away over the years. Even my very best friend has ghosted me lately. Is it embarrassing to have no friends? Is loneliness a mindset? I am starting to have very low self esteem over this ..I get envious of women on my social media having girlie days out and girlie holidays ect..wish I could train my mind to not be bothered

OP posts:
WooMeOut · 02/01/2023 20:09

Same OP.

Mum of 4 here with no friends. It's very isolating :(

Onedayatatime22 · 02/01/2023 20:10

And me. Single parent. Lonely AF.

Sunsetintheeast · 02/01/2023 20:10

What about other mums at school? Do you initiate anything with them?

ToughLoveLDN · 02/01/2023 20:11

Mum of 1 and a bonus child. I’m 29. And apart from 1 person I have no friends… it’s horrible. Makes me feel like I’m not good enough for people. Even though I’m sure from the outside looking in no one would ever know

YouReallyAre · 02/01/2023 20:11

Yep lonely over here too. Single parent to one DC and very few friends. I don't normally feel the need to be around/with people but just lately I have realised that I don't want to spend so much time on my own.

Neuronamechange · 02/01/2023 20:14

Same here too. Feels like I’m missing out but I don’t know how to change it.

Xrays · 02/01/2023 20:14

Same here. I am just not good at friendships. I’m naturally introverted and really struggle to understand the rules of friendships. I did have one good friend until recently but that’s fizzled out too, we had a bit of break because I was having issues with Ds being out out of school for sen reasons and it was hard to keep up. I am 42 and feel a bit like I’m back at school again and don’t know how to make friends.

britespark1 · 02/01/2023 20:17

I feel exactly the same. Mum of 3. Say hi to plenty on the school run and used to think a few of them were becoming real friends but recent events show apparently not. Possibly peri-menopausal but feel like I’m teetering on the edge of depression now.

Ineedwinenow · 02/01/2023 20:17

I don’t have children but lonely too as all my friends have kids but now have mum friends! I don’t know if you’re allowed to do this but I’m Derbyshire if that helps anyone! Always up for coffee or booze!

Original poster
Richmond212 · 02/01/2023 20:23

Sunsetintheeast · 02/01/2023 20:10

What about other mums at school? Do you initiate anything with them?

Have once or twice. They seem very busy. Have busy social lives too from what I see on social media. It seems where I live that popularity and having big social circles is something to brag about

OP posts:
OffToThatPlace · 02/01/2023 20:27

Same here. No DC either. The loneliness and longing is hard. At one point I used to have lots of friends but two big relocations in the space of 7 years for DH's job changed that.

It would be lovely to have a group of friends to go out with, for coffee, drinks or lunch/dinner.

IsAnybody · 02/01/2023 20:27

Me too OP. Just turned 40. Humans aren't built to be lonely, we are social characters historically. I've felt loneliness since I was 30. 10yrs on it eats away at my very self. Just last night I was awake a few hrs and had rather intrusive thoughts that left me in tears. I have a long term DP and we have adult (17 and 22 DC's). But I am fucking lonely. No friends at all. Not a single number on my phone that isn't family. If I died tomorrow, I honestly think it would only be noticed if dinner wasn't cooked.

LaMariposa · 02/01/2023 20:30

Same. I have family close and hobbies (gym, book club) which keep me busy, along with work and DC. But I don’t have anyone local just to meet for coffee or to spend and evening drinking wine with. I’m in touch with uni friends and others who live a long way away, but it’s not the same.

Original poster
Richmond212 · 02/01/2023 20:30

Do you think comparing our lives on social media plays a bit part of the way we feel

OP posts:
MissMaple82 · 02/01/2023 20:33

IsAnybody · 02/01/2023 20:27

Me too OP. Just turned 40. Humans aren't built to be lonely, we are social characters historically. I've felt loneliness since I was 30. 10yrs on it eats away at my very self. Just last night I was awake a few hrs and had rather intrusive thoughts that left me in tears. I have a long term DP and we have adult (17 and 22 DC's). But I am fucking lonely. No friends at all. Not a single number on my phone that isn't family. If I died tomorrow, I honestly think it would only be noticed if dinner wasn't cooked.

I don't understand how you can be lonely when you have a partner or husband in the picture. Unless you're in an unhappy relationship, in which case, why are you sticking around? It makes no sense

ghjklo · 02/01/2023 20:34

If you have lots of kids or are a LP it is very isolating because you can't get out often to build a social life! Not to mention other people are focussed on their own families and friends etc to think about us very often. I think it comes with the territory to a certain extent. I think you have to find other ways to be social - online, or even just occasional phonecalls and chats to friends, or through work etc. And do things that take away the loneliness e.g. online courses etc. Times will change and your social circle will come around again at some point. Focus on close friends or family connections, try to build in some regular activities and hobbies to keep you all busy so you're less focussed on the loneliness. I hope that it improves for you!

fedupsweetpea · 02/01/2023 20:35

No friends either here OP. I've always struggled though and believe I'm probably on the spectrum. It's hard. I find everything hard. But lucky that my OH is great x

bloodywhitecat · 02/01/2023 20:35

Me too, 60 this year but with a 2 year old with complex needs and that can make getting out and about harder (I foster) , widowed. Lonely and alone. I watched that Age UK advert today and suddenly realised that I am one of those lonely, older people. The friends I have are all in relationships and have busy lives.

DoNutSweatTheSmallStuff · 02/01/2023 20:36

I feel lonely sometimes.

I'm 40s, married, 2 DC, no family on the doorstep, friends from uni live miles away so don't see each other often (and wouldn't class them as very close friends anyway), a few friends (mainly other mums) are close by but I don't have that 'best' friend or very close group of friends to share anything & everything with.
I'd say lots of acquaintances but not many really close friends.

Sunsetintheeast · 02/01/2023 20:36

Richmond212 · 02/01/2023 20:30

Do you think comparing our lives on social media plays a bit part of the way we feel

Yes, because comparison is the thief of joy. You gotta believe that.

JamSandle · 02/01/2023 20:38

MissMaple82 · 02/01/2023 20:33

I don't understand how you can be lonely when you have a partner or husband in the picture. Unless you're in an unhappy relationship, in which case, why are you sticking around? It makes no sense

Show quote history

I think because beyond that we are evolved to be part of a much bigger community.

MsRosewater · 02/01/2023 20:41

Me too- I have work friends but I've lost all of my friend friends through time and distance (and an antisocial tad judgemental DH)

I find it so hard to make friends- I'm not awful but a tad anxious and over eager and awkward

pinkfondu · 02/01/2023 20:42

Me too

Original poster
Richmond212 · 02/01/2023 20:44

JamSandle · 02/01/2023 20:38

I think because beyond that we are evolved to be part of a much bigger community.

Show quote history

My DH and also my mum says this too.. how ? With so much going on at home? I can't answer that to be honest. I'm happy with everything else apart from the having no friends and not feeling included in social circles outside of family life

OP posts:
lking679 · 02/01/2023 20:45

mum of 3, bit of an introvert, don’t live near family. DH is great but he doesn’t do chatty chats or gossip or spa days plus if one of us wants to do something for ourselves the other takes the kids.
i have a few mum friends but I don’t consider them deep friendships, good for playdates but we don’t do much outside of that. On maternity leave #3 and very lonely. Very relaxed and social round my twin sister who lives 200 miles away and actually thinking of relocating to be closer to her and other family.

do you work OP? I don’t feel as lonely when working as can chat to colleagues easily? Also when kids are older plan to get out more to things in evenings. Zumba class… book club.. weekend walking club. Anything I can find that interests me really!