Page 2 | Embarrassed to say I'm lonely

Richmond212 · 2023-01-02T20:08:51+00:00

Mum of 4 aged 42. Even with a DH and a house full of kids (aged between 21 and 6) I get lonely. I did have friends but they've fizzled away over the years. Even my very best friend has ghosted me lately. Is it embarrassing to have no friends? Is loneliness a mindset? I am starting to have very low self esteem over this ..I get envious of women on my social media having girlie days out and girlie holidays ect..wish I could train my mind to not be bothered

Xrays · 02/01/2023 20:47

JamSandle · 02/01/2023 20:38

I think because beyond that we are evolved to be part of a much bigger community.

Show quote history

This.

I also think there’s something nice about sharing things with other people. I don’t have any relatives (mum died, dad estranged, no siblings) so if dh or dc do something or we go somewhere I’ve no one to share those things with. Apart from sticking them on social media which seems pointless just to get a few likes from people who barely speak to me! (I’ve got about 20 people on my facebook, I’ve given up posting anything now).

IsAnybody · 02/01/2023 20:48

MissMaple82 Have you ever felt truly lonely? Right down to the core? I do. If you don't think that makes sense then you are very fortunate.

Fedupandanxious · 02/01/2023 20:51

I could have written this. I have had friendships in the past which have fizzled out for one reason or another, I always feel like I am the one doing the arranging. I came off social media as I couldn't bear feeling like the only one who didn't have a girly friendship group.

I am 38. I have never been to a hen do. I have never been on a girls weekend away. I think I am a nice person and people say as much, so i am not sure why.

I wonder if it is too late now too as people are ensconced in their friendship groups.

No advice to offer but sending hugs, you're not alone

Akrotiri1 · 02/01/2023 20:53

My work is my only social contact.......the rest of the time I am on my own and lonely too.

swedex · 02/01/2023 21:00

Snap! I feel exactly the same, we've moved abroad and really struggled to make friends. I honestly thought we'd make some but we've spent the quietest Christmas as a family. It's been lovely to be together but I've really struggled with the fact we've not seen anyone else my son actually commented why haven't we seen anyone else? And that really hurt
Not sure where to go or how to change it feel like I've tried every avenue

Greenshake · 02/01/2023 21:03

If anyone here is in the Surrey area I would be very happy to meet up 🙂

MillenialAvocado · 02/01/2023 21:05

35 with 19 month old DS. I still have two close friends from college but that's pretty much it. Don't see them much since I moved out my hometown. Had a horrible time at school and uni so not in contact with anyone from then.
I made friends when I moved to London a few years ago but most of those have fizzled out. They made no effort to contact me and stopped inviting me to things after I had DS, which was a bit hurtful. I was starting to make mum friends until we moved to Essex. I don't know anyone here and have been really trying hard to make friends through church and the Peanut app. Can be really disheartening - have a few horror stories from that app this is hopefully going to be our forever home though, so I'm determined to stick at it.

Fedupandanxious · 02/01/2023 21:05

Greenshake · 02/01/2023 21:03

If anyone here is in the Surrey area I would be very happy to meet up 🙂

I am 😊 hopefully local to you 🤞🏻

Greenshake · 02/01/2023 21:07

Fedupandanxious · 02/01/2023 21:05

I am 😊 hopefully local to you 🤞🏻

Show quote history

Yay 🙂 will PM you

SpinningFloppa · 02/01/2023 21:09

Same but no partner so not even any adult to talk to in the evenings at all

Mybloodycat · 02/01/2023 21:15

Same here. Single mum, had a really good bunch of school mum friends, we went out and I was a part of things, then Covid happened and I got forgotten because we were in the next town, then divorce happened which meant I a) had no money and b) wasn’t probably as carefree as I was and suddenly I was out of the group.

I see pictures of them all out on SM and it really hurts because now it’s almost like I was never part of the group.

I have work colleagues and I have my kids and maybe 3 friends who I see when I can (not often-distance) and I feel like apart from parenting I spend my entire time lonely.

If by some miracle I had a day or two with no kids I actually have no one I could call to meet up.

Spangers · 02/01/2023 21:17

Same OP, it’s really hit home over Christmas as we’ve had no one to socialise with beyond family. 40 with 2 small kids, moved across the country to live with DH so left my group of friends behind, antenatal friends dropped me when I went back to work, no school mum friends as I only do the school run once a week, no time for hobbies beyond the gym/running which is the only time I get to myself. I’m really shy, unattractive and socially awkward so people don’t take to me well, it’s sad 😞

ToughLoveLDN · 02/01/2023 21:47

MillenialAvocado · 02/01/2023 21:05

35 with 19 month old DS. I still have two close friends from college but that's pretty much it. Don't see them much since I moved out my hometown. Had a horrible time at school and uni so not in contact with anyone from then.
I made friends when I moved to London a few years ago but most of those have fizzled out. They made no effort to contact me and stopped inviting me to things after I had DS, which was a bit hurtful. I was starting to make mum friends until we moved to Essex. I don't know anyone here and have been really trying hard to make friends through church and the Peanut app. Can be really disheartening - have a few horror stories from that app this is hopefully going to be our forever home though, so I'm determined to stick at it.

@MillenialAvocado I’m in EastLondon/Essex, DD is 22 months. If you fancy a coffee and kids run around let me know

notnormal86 · 02/01/2023 21:52

Im in suffolk and feel the same no friends .

Somertime · 02/01/2023 21:56

Same here. 40, divorced with 2 DS. I moved to a new area and got into a rubbish relationship. Now single and so alone. Christmas this year has been horrific.
Ive just signed up to a college class in the hope of getting to know someone with a similar interest but not holding out hope. I go to the gym and am on nodding terms with a few people. I used to be really sociable, always out.

KangarooKenny · 02/01/2023 21:57

I had people to talk to in the playground when the kids were little, now they are grown up I only talk to my DM, the dog, and work mates.
Im married but still feel lonely.

Naddd · 02/01/2023 21:58

MissMaple82 · 02/01/2023 20:33

I don't understand how you can be lonely when you have a partner or husband in the picture. Unless you're in an unhappy relationship, in which case, why are you sticking around? It makes no sense

Show quote history

What's not to understand? You still need friends. You make no sense.

loupielou1 · 02/01/2023 22:00

Same here

TowerRaven7 · 02/01/2023 22:02

Mum of one and I have one good friend though we live very far from each other. When we moved I had met pseudo friends that used me to dump on about their miserable lives but when I had a problem ran the other way. I decided having no one was better and let them go so I still have only one real friend. I’ve decided in the future if I meet another “dumping” friend I’m going to say, “I’m sorry, I have enough of my own problems and I just can’t deal with anyone else’s at the moment”!

Naddd · 02/01/2023 22:05

Richmond212 · 02/01/2023 20:30

Do you think comparing our lives on social media plays a bit part of the way we feel

Absolutely it does. Everyone makes their lives look fabulous. Its almost too in your face. An occasion that may be mundane boring even appears like the social event of the season. Families all love each other, everyone looks stunning, people have friends galore.

Before sm at most you'd hear about get togethers, now its there in all its amazing technicoloured glory. I think even if you do have great family and friends social media can make you feel inadequate let alone if you don't

catskittens · 02/01/2023 23:02

Trouble is those lonely with DH and dc's often wont meet on weekends because they see it as family time where else singles tend to be more accesable,im tired of being let down by friends who wont meet on a weekend or dump you as soon as a male comes alomg

i have let 2 long term friends go due to being sidelined for a guy and on more than one occasion and do feel better for it tbh

i feel so better for having boundaries b j now and actually like my own company but see one or 2 that are real friends and not selfish or self absorbed

loupielou1 · 02/01/2023 23:08

@Greenshake me too

MaitreKarlsson · 02/01/2023 23:17

Same here. 48, nice DH, two DC.
I'm in SW London - I've noticed how friends move away out of the capital and then gradually disappear from my life. I stay in touch with the closer ones, but have fewer people to see day to day.
I work from home and although I love my job, it's really no good for meeting people!
Holidays this year have been a killer.

Greenshake · 02/01/2023 23:32

loupielou1 · 02/01/2023 23:08

@Greenshake me too

You are welcome to PM me 🙂

Aquarius1234 · 02/01/2023 23:35

Same here. Kent area. Introverted but happy to chat.