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Original poster

Embarrassed to say I'm lonely

204 replies

Richmond212 · 02/01/2023 20:08

Mum of 4 aged 42. Even with a DH and a house full of kids (aged between 21 and 6) I get lonely. I did have friends but they've fizzled away over the years. Even my very best friend has ghosted me lately. Is it embarrassing to have no friends? Is loneliness a mindset? I am starting to have very low self esteem over this ..I get envious of women on my social media having girlie days out and girlie holidays ect..wish I could train my mind to not be bothered

OP posts:
MaitreKarlsson · 05/01/2023 00:24

@Mashedpotatoesandgravy
Sorry to hear that - whereabouts (roughly) are you?
Lots of people on here and on other similar threads- wish there was an easy way to meet up.
They should bring back mumsnet local! Shame it stopped.

Scaffoldtosky · 05/01/2023 00:47

Terribly lonely. I left my marriage a year ago, that was lonely as hell and horrible near the end but now I'm feeling lonely in the way I used to growing up. Gnawing loneliness especially when DC with their dad. I'm learning again how to make friends and keep in touch with people.

Anyone interested in getting some sort of group together?

LaffTaff · 05/01/2023 01:24

I have a small group of friends I could call to meet, and I used to meet with them regularly, but the pandemic (and the forced anti socialness) saw me reflecting on the value of these friendships, and I just found them lacking (empty). They were very 'surface' and I just couldn't be bothered any more.

My MIL, on the other hand, has a big circle of friends, and it seems that they don't actually like each other that much (she often snipes about them!) and that sort of 'friendship' leaves me cold - I only want to make the effort if theres connection and fondness. I don't want to be in the company of anyone i'd feel compelled to snipe about afterwards - I want to come away from meet ups feeling good. Can anyone relate to this, or do I just need to seriously adjust my expectations! 😅

Goodgrief82 · 05/01/2023 08:25

I have one or two friends but honestly I don't have time to see them.

ok this is BS.

I am a single working parent with no family support whatsoever. My two oldest and closest friends are full time working mothers with also full on responsibilities to elderly parents.

it may not be as often as we like, but we carve out time to get together. Once a year we go away for a weekend. We book it up a year in advance! Every birthday we get together for a lunch and walk. Every Jan… we all get together including kids and their partners.

and then every 6 weeks… a lunch together.

and message… at least a few times a week and the 3-way FaceTime…. Every couple of months.

It is special, precious and completely worth it.

Goodgrief82 · 05/01/2023 08:27

But the kind of friendship I have with these two isn’t suddenly come upon from a hobby or similar.

it has a 30 year history. They were the first visitors for my newborn, saw me through my divorce, attended my parents funerals. I have been for them through financial worries, worries about children illnesses, job issues. I could go on and on.

the three of us have cherished it and now we reap the rewards of that.

Original poster
Richmond212 · 05/01/2023 09:05

Goodgrief82 · 05/01/2023 08:27

But the kind of friendship I have with these two isn’t suddenly come upon from a hobby or similar.

it has a 30 year history. They were the first visitors for my newborn, saw me through my divorce, attended my parents funerals. I have been for them through financial worries, worries about children illnesses, job issues. I could go on and on.

the three of us have cherished it and now we reap the rewards of that.

This is how our friendships were .it honestly feels like a great loss. We also lost a very dear friend 3 years ago to cancer .we grieved together, and then it seems after that that's when the 'fizzled out' began

OP posts:
Goodgrief82 · 05/01/2023 11:44

Probably when your friend developed her drinking problem.

Hand on heart… no way would my 30 year friendship with my two ever in a month of Sundays “fizzle out”

MaitreKarlsson · 05/01/2023 14:43

@Scaffoldtosky yes, me! Where are you based - I'm in London (SW)
@Richmond212 completely understand. Things unfortunately do change and friendships take a lot of effort to maintain. I have only 2 Dcs and despite best efforts I run out of time for my own interests.
@Goodgrief82 delighted you are so very successful at maintaining life -affirming friendships. Thanks for pointing out where we are all going wrong! 😏

Original poster
Richmond212 · 05/01/2023 15:51

MaitreKarlsson · 05/01/2023 14:43

@Scaffoldtosky yes, me! Where are you based - I'm in London (SW)
@Richmond212 completely understand. Things unfortunately do change and friendships take a lot of effort to maintain. I have only 2 Dcs and despite best efforts I run out of time for my own interests.
@Goodgrief82 delighted you are so very successful at maintaining life -affirming friendships. Thanks for pointing out where we are all going wrong! 😏

I'd love to meet up but I'm in Liverpool though. Way too far away from you girls. Things really have changed, I was clinging on for a while but was obviously not reciprocated so I've gave up it's so sad

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 05/01/2023 16:02

@Ineedwinenow same here. I really want children and a partner but no sign of either. Ps. I'm in Nottingham.
My annual cafe Nero summary was depressing reading!

Ineedwinenow · 05/01/2023 16:06

Toddlerteaplease · 05/01/2023 16:02

@Ineedwinenow same here. I really want children and a partner but no sign of either. Ps. I'm in Nottingham.
My annual cafe Nero summary was depressing reading!

I’m derby! I just don’t go out! 🫣 Your definitely more sociable than me 😆 I don’t want kids and happy without them but there’s definitely a gap in my life knowing everyone in your life has kids and they don’t want to see you because your odd and don’t understand their life ….

mrshiddleston69 · 05/01/2023 16:11

Are you able to look for Ladies Circle groups near you? Lovely bunch of women meeting up, doing all sorts. I'm a member and that's how I made the friends I have now. I relocated to a new place and was just as lonely. Good luck

Toddlerteaplease · 05/01/2023 16:11

@Ineedwinenow I can't stay at home, so i going out for a coffee. Anything just to be around people. I have one very close friend. But he's in a very stressful job and lives 100 miles away. I just feel on the fringes with everyone else. The back up friend.

Strawblue · 05/01/2023 16:31

@mrshiddleston69 the Ladies Circle website says it’s for 18 to 45 year olds only. Such a shame as I have missed the cut off by three years but still consider myself young(ish) at heart.

mrshiddleston69 · 05/01/2023 16:41

@Strawblue there is a follow up group called Tangent after the 'cut off'. If you get in touch with your nearest ladies circle they can connect you to them. Worth it 😊

Notcontent · 05/01/2023 16:52

It’s very difficult. I am also a lone parent with no family nearby. In the past I did have some work friends and “mum” friends. Those friendships fizzled out because either people moved away etc. Since two or three years ago I suddenly have no friends. I am not sure how that happened.

Original poster
Richmond212 · 05/01/2023 16:55

It's funny though isn't it some people don't mind having no friends. I hate it.

OP posts:
Aquarius1234 · 05/01/2023 17:05

Toddlerteaplease · 05/01/2023 16:02

@Ineedwinenow same here. I really want children and a partner but no sign of either. Ps. I'm in Nottingham.
My annual cafe Nero summary was depressing reading!

I'm in Kent but always interested in a city break elsewhere.

Toddlerteaplease · 05/01/2023 17:07

Not really having anyone to bubble with during lockdown was the worst thing.

Strawblue · 05/01/2023 17:07

@mrshiddleston69 thank you for that, I’ll look them up. Do these groups attract people from all walks of life or are they mainly for professional career women? Sadly I have found since becoming a SAHM that some women look down their nose at me, even old friends do. I intend to return to work now and am job-hunting.

mrshiddleston69 · 05/01/2023 17:12

@Strawblue absolutely not! You won't get that with the Ladies Circle or Tangent groups. There's ladies from all backgrounds. Let me know how it goes.

Lily0719 · 05/01/2023 17:17

Download an app called ‘Peanut’. It’s like Tinder for friends :)

Eatentoomanyroses · 05/01/2023 17:23

Never heard of ladies circle. None near me sadly.

Theordinary · 05/01/2023 17:35

I'm in Kent as well Aquarius. I very torn between naturally introverted and antisocial but also isolated and lonely. It's a bit annoying really. I could never find anyone in my area on the mumsnet meetups!

Goodgrief82 · 05/01/2023 17:54

MaitreKarlsson · 05/01/2023 14:43

@Scaffoldtosky yes, me! Where are you based - I'm in London (SW)
@Richmond212 completely understand. Things unfortunately do change and friendships take a lot of effort to maintain. I have only 2 Dcs and despite best efforts I run out of time for my own interests.
@Goodgrief82 delighted you are so very successful at maintaining life -affirming friendships. Thanks for pointing out where we are all going wrong! 😏

If you that quick to take offence and see shadows where there are none probably might go some way to explaining your situation tbh

i meant no harm or judgement or offence whatsoever