Embarrassed to say I'm lonely

[Richmond212]

Mum of 4 aged 42. Even with a DH and a house full of kids (aged between 21 and 6) I get lonely. I did have friends but they've fizzled away over the years. Even my very best friend has ghosted me lately. Is it embarrassing to have no friends? Is loneliness a mindset? I am starting to have very low self esteem over this ..I get envious of women on my social media having girlie days out and girlie holidays ect..wish I could train my mind to not be bothered

Feel free to PM me anyone.

@MaitreKarlsson snap I'm also in London! I'll DM you :)

Oh this is definitely me! Moved to a new area a few years ago and it’s slow progress making friends 😬 It doesn’t help that I’m quite shy and an introvert at heart, but that doesn’t mean I don’t need anyone else...

I have a DH and two DDs who keep me busy and do have some long-standing “best” friends who I speak to often but they live a long way away.

I have been forcing myself to break out of my comfort zone and take opportunities to make friends but I find it really hard and I feel like it’s one step forward two steps back sometimes. I sometimes notice other friendships forming at the school gate but I don’t find it as easy as others seem to. I think I probably come across as a bit standoffish but I’m not really, I’m just shy!

Try joining the Wi? Not necessarily close friends to be made, but they are always doing something. Subsidiary lunch, theatre, book, walking groups etc.

And the ladies circle. Similar to WI, fun events and small charity fundraising

I felt this a few years ago and still do something but it's much better.

I joined a hobby group exactly 2 years ago, and have always liked the people who go but it's not been until the last 6 months that one of them has become a friend outside the group, and even then we are not yet really close, but that's fine. Being part of that group got me talking to a few women I work with and now I see them outside work occasionally too. Again, nowhere near close friend status yet but that's fine too. We are all going away later this year for a hobby thing.

So I guess my point is, don't get discouraged if your efforts don't seem to pay off at first. Starting a new hobby for example will help you meet people but it will also give you something to talk about to other people and hopefully will be a positive cycle.

Plus, there is a huge benefit to being part of a community, even if none of them are your besties. It will give you a huge mental boost.

There aren’t many groups near me, not that I can go anyway. I went to my local WI once and they were much much older than me, most of the groups here are like that. I know someone who travelled an hour to a WI with members in their 40s.

@Mashedpotatoesandgravy I totally get this. I'm near Leeds so there isn't much going on hobby wise.
My son's favourite dinner is your username!

@toooldforthisshite that resonates with me. I'm on anti depressants now, which has helped tremendously.

I think it's a tough one. My problem is I don't bite, as in, I don't organise things enough. I also seem to attract people who treat me badly (history of narcissism in my family). I don't put up with it so then end up excluded from things.

Or, I am too guarded and put people off. Body language is a little bit resting bitch face 😂

It's true that at every turn there are people who don't want to make friends from that environment or have enough friends. I get the feeling of frustration at constantly putting yourself out there and getting nowhere. But there likely are people at the gym/work/school gates who do want to make friends, or at least are open to it, just as there are those who don't want to. It is relentless and entirely understandable to sometimes need to withdraw and lick your wounds.

Plus, gym/running/exercise has benefits beyond making friends in terms of mental health and positive outlook. A kind of build it and they will come scenario I suppose.

I don't mean to shut down anyone who is feeling sad and fed up about the situation and I know being jollied along can be intensely annoying. I sometimes feel sad and lonely and annoyed when people try to help or point out the good things in my life or the friends I do have, too. For me though, it has undoubtedly taken a long time, but the persistence is just starting to pay off.

I have spoken to no one today other than a quick hi to my trainer in the gym. This happens quite a lot.

Everyone says join a club, get hobbies etc but I have hobbies, I go to gym classes and talk to people whilst I'm there, I have friends who I do meet up with, I have friends from work, I speak to my neighbours (more so in the summer) but some days are just very much me on my own and it can be very much a lonely existence. Although I've got my head down and worked hard today as I've had no meetings either.

I'm single so that doesn't help, and I'm a sociable person who needs human interaction.

I wish I knew how to make an app so I could bring everyone together.

Oh, and @Richmond212 , give beautiful Liverpool a wave from me, I miss it so much.

Having a large range of ages of children makes it very hard to maintain friendships as the needs of the different children are all so different and so getting together with a friend with a child that matches all their ages is very unlikely… sympathies it’s very hard

This is me too, although without even an OH. Even in past relationships I've never felt truly comfortable.

I have never managed to make friends at the gym/exercise classes, I chat to lots of people but it’s never gone any further

If there’s anyone in Lancashire -
Blackpool area looking for a friend I’d be happy to chat 🙂

I think maybe I finally overcome feeling lonely and I'm content mostly with myself. I no longer have a spouse and kids are grown and moved away and have no friends that I can actually go and do something with. I have one online friend and I find groups like this a social outlet as well as other online groups. I have severe trust issues for very good reasons, so I think I just learned to be okay as I am.

I’m in Greater Manchester/ Lancs area, @GoodTimes10, I’ll PM you.

I’m definitely feeling the need to be more proactive, it’s depressing when the only contact you have is with DH and kids. I genuinely feel like I’ve dropped off everyone else’s radar.

Anyone else in the North West, feel free to PM.

I’ve met people over the years who just aren’t interested in having more friends, or they are people who want something out of the relationship (like childcare) and when you don’t for fill that need you get pushed aside.

Same! 35, 2 young boys, work full time with wonderful people but don't have any friends.

I had a horrendous upbringing which has made me put everything I have into being a good mum. Now my boys are getting a bit older, I've lost a part of myself.

I wouldn't take any of my choices back but I'm getting to the point where I crave friendship.

I'm in Ashford, Kent. Happy to make friends, just don't know how!

Me too. I just don't get the opportunity to make new friends, old ones are all too busy to meet up very often and I really miss female company.
Lots of my older friends are in groups of female friends which I think makes it easier but I don't have a group.
Change jobs quite often in work from home roles and have moved a few years ago.
How do you find friends at an older age?

Hi, I saw this thread has been revived. I posted on it previously.
One thing I've found helpful to use is Bumble BFF - it's the platonic bit of Bumble. It's free to connect if you match with someone. I've met some very nice people that way. You know you're talking to someone who wants to meet another woman for friendship.
I also joined a Facebook group for women in my area wanting ro make friends, which also worked.

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Ya I have never been to a party / wedding as an adult! Or a girls night out!