Embarrassed to say I'm lonely

[Richmond212]

Mum of 4 aged 42. Even with a DH and a house full of kids (aged between 21 and 6) I get lonely. I did have friends but they've fizzled away over the years. Even my very best friend has ghosted me lately. Is it embarrassing to have no friends? Is loneliness a mindset? I am starting to have very low self esteem over this ..I get envious of women on my social media having girlie days out and girlie holidays ect..wish I could train my mind to not be bothered

Lonely here too. 49 single mum to 4. Bit of an introvert too

Sorry if missed but do you work op?

If that bitterness is seeping through in to R.L., that will impact your absolute to make friends

that is exactly how I would like things to be re my best mates/group. See each other a few times a month, maybe 1 day out a month and a few eves out. Catch up over whatsapp inbetween.

I want to save for my holiday of a lifetime next year. Certain people in my group are like '' you can't afford to come out for lunch/dinners/weekends away but you can afford to go to AUS next year''. I'm happy to meet up with the group at each each others houses (inc mine). I actually begrudge spending money in bars and restaurants these days, due to the rise in cost.

I understand. 4 kids around just isn't the same as some other adult company to hang with.

Do you have an outside job?

Very strange that you think you have a lovely set of friends.

You don’t if some are saying this to you

But if you never want to go out for dinner or drinks and only around each others houses…. You will gradually and understandably by edged out

No I don't work. That's a whole other anxiety issue. I've not worked and brought the 4 kids up for that long that looking to go out and find work fills me with absolute awful anxiety

Not sure if this was for me but I'll reply anyway haha. I organised a drink for dh birthday and invited her along. She didn't come and didn't text to say why ,until I text her 2 days later to ask if she was OK. I got a reply 24 hours later saying she's sorry for being a rubbish friend she doesn't mean to be, but she was drinking for 2 days and was too drunk to come. Since then I've not heared anything from her. No "merry Christmas' text or 'how are you' nothing. Its been like this for a few months now. I text and get no reply .it hurts I'm not going to lie. She has always loved a drink, but I think lately she's became an alcoholic

She’s quite clearly in a very very dark place. I wouldn’t be worried about her ghosting you.
I would be bloody worried about her

I've told her before I worry about her . The thing is when I message her I feel like I'm bothering her so I dont know what to do really. I speak to her sister so I'll give her a little message maybe 🤞

Messaging?
you need to go around and see her. Regularly. She may tell you to leave it. But you don’t.

i’m Surrey too! Would love to chat.

I think a lot of people feel like this, social media certainly doesn’t help and DC, house moves, life etc often interrupt older friendships and it feels difficult to start again.

Have you thought about joining a club or activity you might enjoy? I joined a choir (not a religious one, a pop/ musical theatre one) last year when I was in need of a new gang. It’s my favourite part of the week, we go to the pub after and there have been various parties, events etc linked to it. My husband is about to start badminton with a similar goal in mind.

My town is so small and honestly I'm not keen to out my self as nd. Rural irish living is very different to urban or suburban uk life.

I don't even know where she's living atm. She was with her sister but moved out. That's what I mean really it's just fizzled out she clearly didn't want to even have a conversation with me when id ask if she was ok, the last few months the contact has only been from me . 1 thing I do know is she has a few drinker friends she goes out drinking with

Op its hard. I joined a walking group. Met one for coffee today. A hobby can help. I find school mams move on. One I see as he in daughter class secondary

I have one or two friends but honestly I don't have time to see them.

Between work, kids, dh, home life (farm) it's just not possible.

That's not very helpful but what I would suggest is getting busy! Can you volunteer somewhere? To fill your time if you don't want to get a job?

What about hobbies, is there anything you enjoy? I like running but I don't often get the chance. I walk the dogs a lot and that's nice, do you have any pets?

I don't think I am cut out for friendship it would seem. I see others socials full of meet ups etc and it does make me sad, but I've got to the stage now where life is full of other things. So it doesn't bother me as much.

Ok but don’t see her as ghosting you

she has an alcohol problem and avoiding close ones is a side effect

Hopefully things will get back on track but cant see it things have changed massively. Hubby says same as you @Goodgrief82 I honestly didn't see it like this
Thanks

There was great advice on a similar thread last month: attend as many gatherings as possible, don’t try to make friends but chat pleasantly to everyone (but not for too long!)

I also agree that you won’t make friends at the gym; my gym is quite social, lots of hello’s and pleasantries but it doesn’t lead to anything.

I've searched through adult education, but as PP say its often retired people..which is fine..but not great for a friend you might wanna meet up with one on one for an evening. I'm 36 so more interested in late twenties to early 40s.
I just want a couple of friends to go to cinema and theatre with.
Seems impossible.
I like drama films if that interests anyone
..

I've also tried meet up in the past but found it clique..and sport of often not for beginners like myself.

I even bought a decent guitar and did half a dozen beginner lessons. Didn't work out..I was rubbish. And the group were better than complete beginners lol

I could have written this. Forties and so lonely for female company. Live very rurally. Kids are great but exhausting. Parents passed away decades ago. I’d do anything to help anyone, but have Asperger’s and most people seem to find me not-their-cup-of-tea. I’m very glad the only social media I have is Mumsnet though, think it can make you feel worse.