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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry that my family banned me from Christmas for having covid

768 replies

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 02:42

I flew 4000 miles to see my parents for Christmas. I unfortunately have to live in a different country from them.

I am asymptomatic but had to test due to being exposed to someone with COVID.

My parent was supposed to pick me up from the airport but decided not to after the positive test.

I see my parent once a year at most. They don't travel to see me. My parent and the rest of their family went ahead with the celebration but I was uninvited.

Fortunately, my other parent picked me up and let me stay with them (my parents are divorced)

They have agreed to meet me in a park tomorrow for an hour, which will be the extent of my time with them for the next year.

AIBU to consider this relationship basically over?

OP posts:
BuddhaAtSea · 02/01/2023 06:09

If it was my child, FPP3 mask, come home, stay in your room for 5 days while I feed you and I spend time with you in the garden every day. Not only would I miss my child, but I would definitely want to be the one ‘on hand’ to help. You traveled with a child, I mean, if you’re flat on your back with Covid, you need help with that child.

I don’t know the ins and out of your family’s dynamics, but I must make sure I’ll drum this into my DD: you’re sick, you call me, I’ll come.

Wetblanket78 · 02/01/2023 06:16

There was her step siblings and they're children there. Would you want your child who is too young yet to be vaccinated having to go to a gathering where they know someone has tested positive for COVID? A friend of mines grandson had to be tubefed for the rest of his life. His immune system is wrecked he gets constant chest infections and had pneumonia twice. They have been told this has shortened his life expectancy.

Munches · 02/01/2023 06:18

CharlotteRose90 · 02/01/2023 02:58

Your username is accurate. How selfish can you be. Throwing a tantrum because your parents want to protect themselves and the rest of your family from getting covid. They’ve done the right thing. You wouldn’t be welcome in my house either. It’s crap it’s happened but it’s what you get when you don’t test before flying and you are around someone that was positive. I hope you didn’t infect loads of people in the other city you visited.

This ☝️

PortiasBiscuit · 02/01/2023 06:24

Don’t test.. simple!

ThaiDye · 02/01/2023 06:26

Your parents did the right thing. You say they've had COVID before: reinfection increases the risk of the sinister effects of COVID such as heart attack, strokes, brain damage, damage to immune system, diabetes, memory issues, dental issues the list goes on.

What you/they could have suggested was meet outdoors with you (and preferably them too) in an n95 mask to significantly reduce the risk of infection. If they'd picked you up from the airport it should have been in a car with all windows down and everyone in N95s.

COVID is not trivial. Everyone seems to be ignoring the chronic effects of COVID because the initial infection is often "just a cold", except it's not.

Sources (peer reviewed):

List of articles on immune system disregulation: twitter.com/RaffyFlynnArt/status/1602033509568225280?t=8L011laXL4UklAsDRt0qrg&s=19

Increase in stroke (in children in this case) twitter.com/EnemyInAState/status/1596569574668992512?t=bsh5W1KfkDFkmlfK-gn8jQ&s=19

Heart attack and COVID twitter.com/yaneerbaryam/status/1595756774535176194?t=J1udGg42knMPMNb0_0Pstg&s=19

Other things you don't want to suffer from post-covid: jessicawildfire.substack.com/p/you-may-be-early-but-youre-not-wrong?r=jp7y&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

And to pre-empt the "masks don't work" brigade: twitter.com/Kapur_AK/status/1594892618349088771?t=O_UjJOOJXafN1HVYv65x9A&s=19

ThaiDye · 02/01/2023 06:32

And here's the link to the re-infection study twitter.com/zalaly/status/1590738395080163329?t=M-f0XuLcCP3U8f6wmMp08A&s=19

We are really need to avoid catching COVID again and again. The government has totally failed us on this and most criminally, failed our children by using them as tools for mass infection for a non-existent herd immunity.

TerfOnATrain · 02/01/2023 06:32

DD tested positive on Christmas morning. Given that the two hosts were four times vaccinated and recent second time Covid catchers, and the other two also vaccinated, young and had had Covid, we collectively made the decision to invite her still but she sat away from us for most of the day. She was also asymptotic.

I still think YABU, as the decision lies with the host and other guests not the invitee. Everyone has to do their own damage limitation.

Killingmytime · 02/01/2023 06:35

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 02:55

@Floralnomad i spent thousands of pounds and took a lot of time off work to travel with my young child to see them. Everyone involved is vaccinated and has had COVID. I think that this demonstrates that they don't care much about me.

I’ve just caught Covid again this year.
I have been so Ill I could not move.
I am still having side effects.

if my family member or friend knowingly came over with Covid I wouldn’t think much of them for willingly passing this on!
sorry it’s awful that you’ve come this far, but there’s not just you to think of op.
Also, it is not ‘just nothing’!

Littlegoth · 02/01/2023 06:38

We are both early 40s and vaccinated. Caught covid again after the 4th jab, I felt a bit tired, he was bedridden for a week. My child, too young to be vaccinated, was hospitalised.

Currently pregnant with a high risk risk pregnancy and no one is allowed in the house without a covid test, but before pregnancy I would have had to uninvite you too. The kids won’t have been vaccinated, and even the people who are still don’t want it. I wouldn’t be very happy if you’d turned up on my front porch either.

We’ve been in this situation with older relatives last year who refused to test for covid despite having all the symptoms, unfortunately we had to ask them not to come for Christmas dinner as we couldn’t risk catching it again (although they completely understood and hadn’t travelled a long way at high cost). It’s not ‘just a cold’ for everyone. Sorry this has compounded what sounds like it was already a difficult relationship with your parent.

Mummieslncorporated · 02/01/2023 06:47

So according to you, op

You arrived in the country COVID-free, then went to visit family who gave you COVID.

You didn't fly with COVID.

But your parent refused to pick you up from the AIRPORT, because you had COVID.

Am I missing something here?

shreddies · 02/01/2023 06:48

FixItUpChappie · 02/01/2023 03:53

I see your point OP and it sounds like they handled very poorly. I think I would be aggrieved too actually. In your parents shoes I would have set you and grandchild up in a separate area of the house, wore a mask, spent lots of time together outdoors for a few days and told local guests to make other plans. I would NOT have just said "oh well, sort yourself out bye" and leave you at the airport then say nary a thing for 3 days. What a shit Christmas for you and your child I really feel for you.

I agree. In your parents situation I would have done everything possible to spend some time with you.

olympicsrock · 02/01/2023 06:50

Sorry I think your parents were reasonable. The difficulty with you sitting on a cold porch is that you say but I need the toilet , someone forgets abs gives you a hug.

They just didn’t want to risk Covid. I wouldn’t.

Sunnidaze · 02/01/2023 06:51

Covid killed my father and has rendered my in-laws virtually housebound (MIL is on O2 24/7). I would do the same as your family.

Themind · 02/01/2023 06:51

To be honest I don't go about hand sanitising or wearing a mask. I've been triple jabbed now anam pretty health but covid still floored me before Christmas. I would not be letting someone with Covid in my house though to be honest.

IndieK1d · 02/01/2023 06:55

"am I being unreasonable to want to spread a disabling virus"?:

Can't understand why anyone thinks it's ok

SpicyFoodRocks · 02/01/2023 06:57

If you were my child, I might have got us both to put masks on and then would have brought you home. I would let you stay with me and might be a bit cautious about close contact but want to see you and catch up with you.

Re xmas day I would probably ask you not to be part of the meal as I wouldn’t expose the other guests to covid.

But I would be so happy to have my child home that covid would not be my priority. No way could I see you for one hour in the park only. That’s heartbreaking.

This is about your relationship, not just covid. I can see why you want to pull back emotionally now.

lifeinthehills · 02/01/2023 07:03

My triple jabbed vulnerable 'child' has already been in hospital with Covid in 2022. My Christmas guests were told that if they had the slightest hint of symptoms, rearrange their travel because we can't see them. Yes, they were flying in.

I didn't find Covid so bad and have had it twice. Milder the second time. I am making my decisions for the vulnerable person in the house. Of course I'd want to see any family member but, child or parent of whatever, it's not worth the months of what we experienced as a result of Covid for the vulnerable person in our house. It's a necessary sacrifice, even though I felt terrible having to say it.

I know that we will have to deal with Covid again, I just hope it won't be for a while and that, maybe, treatments and strains will be better when it does happen. Meanwhile, we take an approach where we avoid exposure where we can but don't stop living.

Grandmistress991 · 02/01/2023 07:04

A friend early 60s got covid and had a lingering 'bad cold ' symptoms for a few weeks. Now has longstanding cardiac issues. Has had every test under the sun with no apparent issue but he develops fast heart rate doing very little and is on medications for this which have their own side effects. Don't assume because people aren't dying so much that Covid doesn't still bring longstanding issues. I have tinnitus linked to Covid which might not be life threatening but isn't something I want either.

WatchingGreysAgain · 02/01/2023 07:04

Why did you test if you weren’t going to adapt your plans according to the test results? If you expected to carry on as planned there was absolutely no need to test.
If you tested because you were asked to, again you needed to expect plans to change based on your test result.

MintyFreshOne · 02/01/2023 07:04

I would not be letting someone with Covid in my house though to be honest

Its not just someone though. It’s their child, who they can only see once a year and spent a lot of time and money to come see them.

I don’t actually believe some posters would prefer their child fly back home without seeing them! It will be another year (if that) before they get this chance again.

If her DPs are sick enough to die or get very ill from Covid, then they may well die in the coming year and not ever see their child again. It might be worth the small risk when thought of that way.

It’s not like she can just see her parents next month or something.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 02/01/2023 07:05

Yabu but as others have said, I think this is about more than this.

YetiTeri · 02/01/2023 07:06

Bit (but also not) surprised at the hard time you've been getting here. Not going to a do because you have Covid and having to stay at home is one thing. But being left at the airport and told to fend for yourself is something different.

Your parents have both made their decisions, you can treat them accordingly in future.

RedHelenB · 02/01/2023 07:06

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 03:42

We are meeting in the park for an hour. They didn't, for example, ask us to come over and sit on their open air porch to say hello to everyone when the family party took place.

Did you suggest that as an option? Personally I think that sounds worse than starting elsewhere.

echt · 02/01/2023 07:07

If her DPs are sick enough to die or get very ill from Covid, then they may well die in the coming year and not ever see their child again. It might be worth the small risk when thought of that way

Fuck 'em. The expendables. Hmm

HairyKitty · 02/01/2023 07:08

I don’t know why you’ve bothered to ask on here as your mind is clearly made up.

No they were not being unreasonable it’s just an unfortunate situation without blame.

If anything you should have discussed or known prior to travelling what their views were if you were to test positive.

Looks to me like there’s a history here and you’re looking for more evidence to blame them for something.