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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry that my family banned me from Christmas for having covid

768 replies

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 02:42

I flew 4000 miles to see my parents for Christmas. I unfortunately have to live in a different country from them.

I am asymptomatic but had to test due to being exposed to someone with COVID.

My parent was supposed to pick me up from the airport but decided not to after the positive test.

I see my parent once a year at most. They don't travel to see me. My parent and the rest of their family went ahead with the celebration but I was uninvited.

Fortunately, my other parent picked me up and let me stay with them (my parents are divorced)

They have agreed to meet me in a park tomorrow for an hour, which will be the extent of my time with them for the next year.

AIBU to consider this relationship basically over?

OP posts:
MrsMorrisey · 02/01/2023 03:54

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 03:48

Ok, the consensus is that I am unreasonable. I will have to give up on having a relationship with my parent nevertheless, because I literally can't waste thousands of pounds and weeks of holiday to be turned away in the event I contract a now-endemic disease. It's just as stupid for me to take that risk as it is for them to see me. I almost definitely caught it while traveling to see them.

I really don't think YABU.
Just leave it for a while before you contact them, let everything calm down.
It's understandable you're hurt.

Sugarfree23 · 02/01/2023 03:55

Op people in the UK are frightened. The vaccines aren't full-proof. And we all know that the Heath Service is broken. Prevention is better than cure.

However you saw one parent obviously the least favourite one. But it's not like you didn't see anyone.

Why not come in summer next time less chance of bugs and illness

Flowersinspringgrowwild · 02/01/2023 03:55

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 03:51

@SugarplumFairyyy they already have been disappointingly uninterested in me for most of my life

This is bigger than covid isn’t it?

Original poster
tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 03:55

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune oh, I will still talk to them on the phone occasionally, when they bother to make time. But I am not going to count on them for anything ever again or go out of my way to see them.

OP posts:
Original poster
tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 03:59

@Sugarfree23 I am much closer to the other parent. Thank goodness for them, also, as I don't know what I would have done without their help. Probably stayed in a hotel near the airport for several days before flying home.

OP posts:
SugarplumFairyyy · 02/01/2023 04:01

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 03:51

@SugarplumFairyyy they already have been disappointingly uninterested in me for most of my life

This alone is enough for me to understand your upset over everything. It's deeper than this one visit from what I can see.

ChristmasCwtch · 02/01/2023 04:01

I thought this was a reverse based on your first few posts. Your attitude is massively selfish!! I wouldn’t have anyone in my car or house knowing that they have covid. Be very grateful you had one parent who wasn’t so rigid.

Icedlatteplease · 02/01/2023 04:04

I'm confused by the timeliness. Did you test positive before you travelled or after? Do you not have travel insurance that covers covid?

converseandjeans · 02/01/2023 04:07

YABU

I have hard covid twice now & am fully vaccinated & younger than your parents.

I would not want to catch it again & would not want to host a guest who has covid.

I can see why you're upset but you need to understand that it can be fatal or just really unpleasant as an illness for some people. It also spreads easily so you could pass to everyone there if they sit near you or touch same door handle or share food.

Iflyaway · 02/01/2023 04:09

They didn't, for example, ask us to come over and sit on their open air porch to say hello to everyone when the family party took place.

In all honesty, I would not invite someone over with Covid either on a terrace during a party. I do have a responsibility to my guests. Any of whom could be going home to vulnerable people. Never mind ending up with Long Covid - god forbid! (my niece has it).

Yes, it's shit, OP, and sorry you spent money to come over. That was your own choice though....

I get it though. It hurts to come all that way for nothing. Hope you get over the Covid soon.

Judgyjudgy · 02/01/2023 04:13

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 03:48

Ok, the consensus is that I am unreasonable. I will have to give up on having a relationship with my parent nevertheless, because I literally can't waste thousands of pounds and weeks of holiday to be turned away in the event I contract a now-endemic disease. It's just as stupid for me to take that risk as it is for them to see me. I almost definitely caught it while traveling to see them.

So everyone thinks YABU yet you're still having a tantrum. I think you're just using this as an excuse tbh!

Original poster
tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 04:14

@Iflyaway the only other people at the party were my stepsiblings and their kids. It wasn't a huge ball.

OP posts:
Undertheoldlindentree · 02/01/2023 04:15

FixItUpChappie · 02/01/2023 03:53

I see your point OP and it sounds like they handled very poorly. I think I would be aggrieved too actually. In your parents shoes I would have set you and grandchild up in a separate area of the house, wore a mask, spent lots of time together outdoors for a few days and told local guests to make other plans. I would NOT have just said "oh well, sort yourself out bye" and leave you at the airport then say nary a thing for 3 days. What a shit Christmas for you and your child I really feel for you.

I would have done this. If the house wasn't big enough, then a nearby ABNB. Could then have seen you in the garden or park. But everyone is different and, in the long run, I don't think this is worth going NC over. Do any family members ever travel to see you?

Original poster
tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 04:16

@Undertheoldlindentree the other parent does travel to see me. The one who uninvited me doesn't.

OP posts:
wombat1a · 02/01/2023 04:21

YABVVU, I was triple vaccinated and still caught covid, I was in bed for 3 days and off work for 10, it was one of the worst flu's I have ever had. I would not wish it on anyone. Some people had it and felt okay, others a bit rough, for me it was really bad, I am so so so happy I was triple vaccinated if I was un-vacc'd I would think I would have been a hospital case.

Your parents have done the right thing, they are protecting themselves and others and arranging to meet you in a very open air place. Good for them.

Iflyaway · 02/01/2023 04:21

they already have been disappointingly uninterested in me for most of my life

That makes me sad, that you had to go through that in life.

I hope you have found a better life where you are now with your child.

I understand why you moved away and I'm sorry you had such a shitty "welcome" coming home.

SugarplumFairyyy · 02/01/2023 04:23

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 04:16

@Undertheoldlindentree the other parent does travel to see me. The one who uninvited me doesn't.

I think most people disagree with the COVID situation that youve detailed in your OP, however the more I read your posts, the more I'm seeing its not just this one instance.

You've mentioned a few times a lack of interest from this parent and them ignoring you or being cold towards you.

That shouldn't be happening from a parent but I suspect the way you have framed this question, you have inadvertently made yourself made yourself look a certain way because there was only a small amount of information given about said parent.

People are also still very concerned about the topic of COVID, so it still draws a lot of strong opinions and debate as its obviously devestated many lives.

But overall, you have a lot of hurt and pain there and I just want to validate that for you because I truly do hear that and you are allowed to feel dissapointed and upset.

sue20 · 02/01/2023 04:24

According to friends the vaccination doesn’t actually stop you getting COVID it’s just supposed to reduce the likelihood of you getting it badly. It’s really difficult to say whether their response is wrong given what is at stake but given the distance and the fact you have another parent to stay with surely you are still in UK after quarantining and can see other parent eventually?

BootifulLoser · 02/01/2023 04:25

Toomanybooks22 · 02/01/2023 03:11

I think people are being really harsh on this thread, the OP travelled thousands of miles to see their family and got Covid at some point en route. However, unless the family are clinically vulnerable I don't see how they could reject their child like that and go on with having a Christmas party and seeing lots of other people that might give them covid anyway. It doesn't sound like the relatives are self isolating. The idea that anyone should just be ok with being rejected like this seems really quite harsh. I don't think I'd cut off family (although don't think I'd be bothering travelling anymore for them) but I can totally appreciate the OP must be feeling really rejected.

"Reject their child?"
OP is a grown woman with her own child. People are still dying of Covid... would it really have been worth taking the risk of passing it on to a member of the family?

OP you speak as though you made this trip only for their benefit. Perhaps you feel slighted that your one parent managed to celebrate Christmas without your presence?

I echo the cries of Grow Up! At OPs phase of life one really needs to start considering the needs of others.

Cherry35 · 02/01/2023 04:30

Nobody wants to catch covid. I would avoid anyone with it.

I would be worried to pass it on to my parents as well. It is unfortunate that it happened when you travelled but this doesn't mean they don't love you.

Redkettle · 02/01/2023 04:32

Feel for you OP, can also understand then not wanting the risk but to leave it 3 days and not arrange something that could be a safe meeting at the house does speak volumes. If it were me my mum and dad prob would have been wary also, but they would have felt terrible about it and made an effort. Yiuvare getting a hard time on here

Confusion101 · 02/01/2023 04:33

Just wondering what your point was with this thread given majority of people have said you are in the wrong and its not worth throwing away a relationship over but you are adamant you are right and are going to do that anyway??

ZombieMumEB · 02/01/2023 04:35

i spent thousands of pounds and took a lot of time off work to travel with my young child to see them

You are not being honest here, are you?

Afterall, you posted:

  1. Fortunately, my other parent picked me up and let me stay with them (my parents are divorced
  2. I stayed in another city for a few days but I left out these irrelevant details to make this post simple to read.

You still saw a parent - no doubt you were still going to see this parent anyway and not spend 100% of your time with the other parent.

You also spent some of your pounds and time off work to travel to another city.

If you want to play the victim card, go right ahead.

saturnisturning · 02/01/2023 04:43

I feel sorry for you OP.

Nothing is ever as simple as a post makes out. Lots of nuances and back story. I’d feel upset too if I’d travelled all that way and had been abandoned at the airport with a child. I’m not saying they’re unreasonable either though - just that nothing is ever as simple as it seems.

if there’s a history of lack of involvement then it’s likely you’re going to feel the way you do.

mumsnet can be a very odd black and white place so you’ll tend to get roasted (in my experience)

saturnisturning · 02/01/2023 04:44

“You still saw a parent”

is that a serious comment? I have two parents and if I travelled a long way I’d like to see them both!!