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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry that my family banned me from Christmas for having covid

768 replies

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 02:42

I flew 4000 miles to see my parents for Christmas. I unfortunately have to live in a different country from them.

I am asymptomatic but had to test due to being exposed to someone with COVID.

My parent was supposed to pick me up from the airport but decided not to after the positive test.

I see my parent once a year at most. They don't travel to see me. My parent and the rest of their family went ahead with the celebration but I was uninvited.

Fortunately, my other parent picked me up and let me stay with them (my parents are divorced)

They have agreed to meet me in a park tomorrow for an hour, which will be the extent of my time with them for the next year.

AIBU to consider this relationship basically over?

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 02/01/2023 03:16

But if you'd traveled that far I would still see you. Just not in the house.

SugarplumFairyyy · 02/01/2023 03:17

Maybe OP was more upset how they handled it? Perhaps the way it was spoken about felt cold. We don't know all the information here or the backstory of the relationship so I think we should cut OP some slack. ❤

VillanellesCoat · 02/01/2023 03:17

I think a lot depends on how long you’re there for. After 5 days from a positive test you’re very unlikely to be infectious. If I were your parents I would be planning to see you on day 6, as normal, and be making a huge fuss of you

WinterSnowing · 02/01/2023 03:18

So you’d willingly expose your parents to Covid?

And now want to cut them out of your life because they don’t want to get Covid? Because you travelled thousands of miles they should just get Covid?

You do know vaccinations reduce the risk of serious illness or death, but it’s not zero risk, don’t you? It doesn’t sound like you care about them very much.

Stompythedinosaur · 02/01/2023 03:19

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 02:57

@Stompythedinosaur I did not ask them to see me anyway. But they certainly showed that they don't care about me and I can't count on them.

They left me in a really bad spot with the airport etc (I was supposed to stay with them, the airport is several hundred miles away).

I certainly won't bother traveling to see them again.

So you didn't ask you see them, but you are upset they didn't volunteer to have you stay with them while you had covid?

I think everyone who travels knows there is a risk of having to isolate in a hotel room these days, don't they?

My elderly mum loves me very much, but she wouldn't have me to stay when I had covid as it would be too risky for her and I am an adult who can look after myself.

Merlinsbeard83 · 02/01/2023 03:22

As someone who has had covid for Christmas and still suffering ,then I think your family made the correct choice . This is the second time I have had it . Fully jabbed and I feel awful . So do my children.
I think it says alot more about how selfish you are . Why would you risk giving it to any of your family.
A sensible normal adult would automatically know that they could not see them.

It doesn't matter how much it has cost you ,health is always more important.

MrsMorrisey · 02/01/2023 03:24

OP that's massively shit. I'd feel like you do.
If they've been vaccinated they shouldn't be concerned.
Isn't that the whole point of getting vaccinated?

MN is so weird about these things.

Ivyonafence · 02/01/2023 03:25

I think they should have offered to book you a hotel and a cab from the airport. Any maybe dropped off some Christmas dinner and presents for you.

But I think they'd be crazy to still have you at Christmas dinner with the extended family there. I'd be furious if someone knowingly attended my home with COVID.

ilovesooty · 02/01/2023 03:26

Toddlerteaplease · 02/01/2023 03:16

But if you'd traveled that far I would still see you. Just not in the house.

Same here. They are seeing her : outside.

lemonstrawberry · 02/01/2023 03:27

YOU

" How can you be so selfish and die during the week when I have spent hundreds of pounds on theatre tickets. Honestly, I don't want to see you ever again."

lemonstrawberry · 02/01/2023 03:28

It's called life.

Ponderingwindow · 02/01/2023 03:34

Op, you are the person demonstrating a lack of care for your family. Perhaps once you get over the perfectly understandable disappointment of the situation you will gain some clarity.

OnlyTheWeedsGrow · 02/01/2023 03:36

I haven’t had Covid, am fully vaccinated and wouldn’t have seen you in the house.
I also would expect anyone who developed any other illness (symptomatic or not) to inform me before coming over to any gathering, so I and my other guests could make a decision about attendance.
It is totally shit that you missed out on seeing your family, and upsetting to have spent the money you did - but that is life and people can make their own decisions regarding what they consider to be acceptable risk.

Original poster
tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 03:38

@Stompythedinosaur no, I was supposed to see them/stay with them/etc but when I told them that I had COVID they basically said that they didn't want to see me. I replied that I would make alternative arrangements and then I heard nothing more from them for three days.

OP posts:
Original poster
tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 03:42

We are meeting in the park for an hour. They didn't, for example, ask us to come over and sit on their open air porch to say hello to everyone when the family party took place.

OP posts:
OhMammaMia · 02/01/2023 03:44

I still don't understand how were you are the airport to be picked up by them if you didn't fly with covid

Tinkerbyebye · 02/01/2023 03:44

I think you need to grow up. OK you had to spend thousands of pounds but you had been exposed to covid and tested positive

guidance is still that you isolate for 5 days

having had covid I don’t blame your family for not meeting with you, it’s not something I would want again( and I caught it after vaccination)

they are meeting up with you, one parent has decided to chance it (sorry but I wouldn’t)

it’s not that they don’t care about you as such, it’s that they don’t want to catch covid

I am sorry you can’t see that, and your attitude stinks

TimeToFlyNow · 02/01/2023 03:46

If I only saw my child once a year then I wouldn't hace cancelled the visit

Original poster
tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 03:48

Ok, the consensus is that I am unreasonable. I will have to give up on having a relationship with my parent nevertheless, because I literally can't waste thousands of pounds and weeks of holiday to be turned away in the event I contract a now-endemic disease. It's just as stupid for me to take that risk as it is for them to see me. I almost definitely caught it while traveling to see them.

OP posts:
ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 02/01/2023 03:50

CharlotteRose90 · 02/01/2023 02:58

Your username is accurate. How selfish can you be. Throwing a tantrum because your parents want to protect themselves and the rest of your family from getting covid. They’ve done the right thing. You wouldn’t be welcome in my house either. It’s crap it’s happened but it’s what you get when you don’t test before flying and you are around someone that was positive. I hope you didn’t infect loads of people in the other city you visited.

Have to agree with this.

SugarplumFairyyy · 02/01/2023 03:50

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 03:48

Ok, the consensus is that I am unreasonable. I will have to give up on having a relationship with my parent nevertheless, because I literally can't waste thousands of pounds and weeks of holiday to be turned away in the event I contract a now-endemic disease. It's just as stupid for me to take that risk as it is for them to see me. I almost definitely caught it while traveling to see them.

Maybe dont rush to end the relationship just yet. Can you call them and talk over your concerns? You said they ignored you for 3 days...is this something they normally do in terms of not contacting you or a recent thing related to the covid situation?

Original poster
tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 03:51

@SugarplumFairyyy they already have been disappointingly uninterested in me for most of my life

OP posts:
ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 02/01/2023 03:52

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 03:48

Ok, the consensus is that I am unreasonable. I will have to give up on having a relationship with my parent nevertheless, because I literally can't waste thousands of pounds and weeks of holiday to be turned away in the event I contract a now-endemic disease. It's just as stupid for me to take that risk as it is for them to see me. I almost definitely caught it while traveling to see them.

Being petulant and minimizing very real, science-based concerns doesn't exactly help your case.

Original poster
tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 03:53

And I will see them at the park, but I am not that thrilled about it. There's no point in having an argument with them or anything. Their actions say it all really.

OP posts:
FixItUpChappie · 02/01/2023 03:53

I see your point OP and it sounds like they handled very poorly. I think I would be aggrieved too actually. In your parents shoes I would have set you and grandchild up in a separate area of the house, wore a mask, spent lots of time together outdoors for a few days and told local guests to make other plans. I would NOT have just said "oh well, sort yourself out bye" and leave you at the airport then say nary a thing for 3 days. What a shit Christmas for you and your child I really feel for you.