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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry that my family banned me from Christmas for having covid

768 replies

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 02:42

I flew 4000 miles to see my parents for Christmas. I unfortunately have to live in a different country from them.

I am asymptomatic but had to test due to being exposed to someone with COVID.

My parent was supposed to pick me up from the airport but decided not to after the positive test.

I see my parent once a year at most. They don't travel to see me. My parent and the rest of their family went ahead with the celebration but I was uninvited.

Fortunately, my other parent picked me up and let me stay with them (my parents are divorced)

They have agreed to meet me in a park tomorrow for an hour, which will be the extent of my time with them for the next year.

AIBU to consider this relationship basically over?

OP posts:
saturnisturning · 02/01/2023 04:45

@ZombieMumEB see above. Are you serious?

ArcticSkewer · 02/01/2023 05:00

Usually I'd say you were being unreasonable (and mad to test) but in the situation you outline, yeah they were not showing much enthusiasm to see you anyway and I can see why this hurt
I don't think I'd bother in future, op.

MintyFreshOne · 02/01/2023 05:01

Wombat100 · 02/01/2023 03:01

Grow up.

Your parent(s) didn’t want to increase their chances of catching covid by inviting you into their house once they knew you’d had a positive test. Seems fair to me.

I’d caution against throwing your toys out the pram over this. I’ve just lost my dad and can categorically tell you that life is too short to hold a grudge.

Life is too short to pass up the opportunity to see your child after so long. And when will they next see their child?

They could die in a car accident before the next meeting! It’s probably just as likely as dying from Covid these days, tbh.

OP my family are scattered over the globe. I can assure you my parents would never abandon me with my child at an airport after spending lots of time and money to come see them. Awful.

Woopzies · 02/01/2023 05:11

Merlott · 02/01/2023 02:47

Some people still panic over Covid. You can take that as a measure of the success of the campaigning that was done throughout 2020 and 2021.

It is annoying but not worth losing the relationship over.

"Some people still panic over COVID"? What sane person wants to be ill?!

How much Merlot have you had to drink? People don't invite people into their homes when they have a common cold, let alone COVID 🙄

lifeinthehills · 02/01/2023 05:17

It's horrible bad luck of timing that you got Covid when you did. Unfortunately life sometimes happens that way. I think your parents could have approached it differently but I don't blame them for not wanting you in their home. I don't panic over Covid but I don't want to get it and there is someone vulnerable in my home who did have a rough time with Covid. Can you talk to them about how you feel? They are likely to feel they did the right thing (I think their position is completely fair and understandable) but understand how much it stinks to pay so much and then have the bad luck of not being able to see them as much as you hoped.

dolor · 02/01/2023 05:19

You should never have gotten in the plane. You should also have taken out insurance to cover the cost of your trip should you fall ill.

sue20 · 02/01/2023 05:29

saturnisturning · 02/01/2023 04:44

“You still saw a parent”

is that a serious comment? I have two parents and if I travelled a long way I’d like to see them both!!

Hey OP people are trying to support and help a complete stranger on this forum. Don’t snap back and have a go at them it’s not an aggressive comment.

your response quite revealing though……

Northernsouloldies · 02/01/2023 05:30

I'm struggling to understand the 'left in bad position at airport because it was several hundred miles away'. If you landed at Heathrow for example that means they would have to reside at the northern tip of Scotland. Mmm thinking this is exaggerated or simply not true.

CovidTestEvapLine · 02/01/2023 05:36

Bit of a pile on here, that's usually what you get from mumsnet at night though.

I get it, I'd feel hurt. I can't imagine turning my child away and grandchild on Christmas after they'd travelled such a long way over covid unless I was vulnerable.

I can understand the impulse to not travel again but give it some time.

CovidTestEvapLine · 02/01/2023 05:38

I don't think "you saw a parent" is a particularly supportive post, do you?

CovidTestEvapLine · 02/01/2023 05:39

sue20 · 02/01/2023 05:29

Hey OP people are trying to support and help a complete stranger on this forum. Don’t snap back and have a go at them it’s not an aggressive comment.

your response quite revealing though……

Show quote history

Opps quote fail

Devilledmeg · 02/01/2023 05:40

Maybe you're just a bit of a brat and your parent isn't that fussed. Who knows. I'd be interested to hear the other side of the story, it's not always the child that's right.

amylou8 · 02/01/2023 05:41

You're the idot for testing in the first place. Why did you bother doing that if you were going to carry on as normal? And how did you manage to not know you had covid when you got on the plane, but your parents wouldn't pick you up from the airport because you had covid? Sounds like you mum still believes the 2020 government narrative that covid is going to kill her. I'm afraid some people are going to be like this forever. How long are you here for? Maybe you'll get a negative test before you leave.

MintyFreshOne · 02/01/2023 05:41

Northernsouloldies · 02/01/2023 05:30

I'm struggling to understand the 'left in bad position at airport because it was several hundred miles away'. If you landed at Heathrow for example that means they would have to reside at the northern tip of Scotland. Mmm thinking this is exaggerated or simply not true.

The parents are abroad, they flew to another country that’s not the UK

JorisBonson · 02/01/2023 05:42

Icedlatteplease · 02/01/2023 04:04

I'm confused by the timeliness. Did you test positive before you travelled or after? Do you not have travel insurance that covers covid?

This.

friendlymummy · 02/01/2023 05:43

OP, I can understand your distress. Yes, Covid can be nasty (speaking from experience) but there's no way I'd turn my child and grandchild away after they'd travelled so far. I would ask them to self-isolate for a few days in the spare room. Incidentally, my brother is CEV and when his mother-in-law picked up Covid en route after travelling from the US to see his wife, she still stayed with them but kept out of the way until she was testing negative. He didn’t catch it. YANBU.

Northernsouloldies · 02/01/2023 05:43

Mintyfreshone. I stand corrected.

Wetblanket78 · 02/01/2023 05:46

Just because they're vaccinated and had covid doesn't mean you are immune. You might not be very ill but someone else might get it again and be really poorly even though they weren't the first time. People are still dying from covid so why would they invite someone into they're home with a virus that might kill one of them. It's no different to someone coming to the door and saying you have a knife I am I might kill one of you but I don't know who yet. Covid really is that random and family gatherings at Christmas is the most likely events it will spread. Indoors with the heating on everyone wanting to hug and kiss each other. Passing food and drinks around and gifts around etc.

MintyFreshOne · 02/01/2023 05:47

JorisBonson · 02/01/2023 05:42

This.

Show quote history

I accept I may be wrong about this, but I would be worried that travel insurance is not going to cover costs for Covid when your airport pickup bails and you have been uninvited to stay at someone’s home.

ZombieMumEB · 02/01/2023 05:47

saturnisturning · 02/01/2023 04:45

@ZombieMumEB see above. Are you serious?

Yes I am serious - because the OP is complaining they wasted money and time.

This would be true if both parents weren't around for the visit, and would be true if their home town was the only place they visited.

Based on information provided by the OP - they are exaggerating some of their story.

NDMum · 02/01/2023 05:55

I'm currently in bed really ill with covid, I assure you it's not just "nothing" i think yabu

Whywouldyousayit · 02/01/2023 05:56

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 02:55

@Floralnomad i spent thousands of pounds and took a lot of time off work to travel with my young child to see them. Everyone involved is vaccinated and has had COVID. I think that this demonstrates that they don't care much about me.

I think it’s the other way round, that you don’t care about them if you want to see them when you had tested positive.

Alondra · 02/01/2023 05:57

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 02:42

I flew 4000 miles to see my parents for Christmas. I unfortunately have to live in a different country from them.

I am asymptomatic but had to test due to being exposed to someone with COVID.

My parent was supposed to pick me up from the airport but decided not to after the positive test.

I see my parent once a year at most. They don't travel to see me. My parent and the rest of their family went ahead with the celebration but I was uninvited.

Fortunately, my other parent picked me up and let me stay with them (my parents are divorced)

They have agreed to meet me in a park tomorrow for an hour, which will be the extent of my time with them for the next year.

AIBU to consider this relationship basically over?

I would consider the relationship pretty much over. I have a son who is immunosuppressed and I've been very careful about Covid in the past. I still prefer not to have anyone at home with a positive, just like I don't want to have anyone with flu or measles. It's just common sense.

Your case is very different. You've flown 4000 miles to see your parents only to find yourself cast as a leper when the world have moved on from Covid and anyone can be a positive because we are no longer testing. As a mother, I can't understand how a parent can do this to a child they see once a year.

They don't really care about you, or the effort you made to see them in Christmas. Actions always speak louder than words.

Teaandtoast2022 · 02/01/2023 05:59

Wow people are so harsh on here. Would you actually say this to someone in real life?

OP I feel for you, some sort of effort should have been made, dropping off Christmas presents or Christmas dinner, FaceTime with rest of family, more than an hour in the park etc

If it was my children I certainly make more of an effort. Disinterested parents can hurt, there’s no need to cut ties, but establishing healthy boundaries is important.

MintyFreshOne · 02/01/2023 06:05

Your case is very different. You've flown 4000 miles to see your parents only to find yourself cast as a leper when the world have moved on from Covid and anyone can be a positive because we are no longer testing. As a mother, I can't understand how a parent can do this to a child they see once a year

This is absolutely how I see it. You see your child and grandchild once a year, at best. How can you just abandon your child at the airport like that?

They are probably much more likely to die in a car accident driving hundreds of miles to come pick them up!

I am in the same position as OP as I have to spend lots of time and money to see my family once a year too. They would never, ever do this to me—and they aren't as young as the DPs described here either. What a slap in the face