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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unwanted gym membership gift from DH, AIBU to be angry?

219 replies

bazthecat123 · 26/12/2022 13:17

This Christmas, my DH gifted me a very expensive gym membership for 12 months. I am very fit and active, but simply have no time to go to the gym; DH knows this. Despite being considerably overweight himself, DH has been making pointed comments about my weight for some time (I have a BMI of 20). AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 26/12/2022 16:37

bazthecat123 · 26/12/2022 14:37

@LaurieFairyCake He often ‘jokingly’ prods my stomach, and calls me a Tellytubby. He also follows a lot of skinny women on instagram.

.....yet you are thinking of starting a family with him ??? Confused

AkoraEdelherb · 26/12/2022 16:39

You need to leave this man OP. Don’t subject your future daughter to this. Don’t allow your future son to think this is how men behave. Get out and you’ll see how your mental health improves drastically.

And btw, everyone has time to go to the gym

You clearly don’t work 70 hours a week, with fortnightly international travel and run a household on your own. I’d love to have time for the gym but after being out of the house 8am-11pm on a very regular basis and travelling or visiting family when I’m not, I much prefer to catch up on sleep, on the rare occasion I have a couple of free hours. Not go to the gym.

secular39 · 26/12/2022 16:41

Which gym is it.... considering it's expensive. I'm not sure. I would love this as a Christmas Present but not because these expensive gyms often have sauna's, massages and other type of beauty packages (sigh).

Durango · 26/12/2022 16:42

Thank you darling - now, how are you planning on losing your weight you fat cunt?

Then go to the gym and find some thick gym bro to shag for a few months whilst you sort your divorce

secular39 · 26/12/2022 16:45

I would take the gym membership and leave the husband.

But on another note, you don't have no kids and don't have time for the gym? That is a bit odd and maybe you want to reconsider your life priorities. Work is not the be all and end all. If anything happens to you and you can no longer work, within 24 hours they will put out a job advert to fill in yourself. For the new year, please consider your mental well being and make time for yourself.

Beercrispsandnuts · 26/12/2022 16:45

You clearly dislike him intently so why are you ttc with him. It’s not going to get better with a baby in the mix. And if you’re not having sex due to his weight, then technically you’re not ttc. You need to have sex to be ttc.

id focus on the root cause, you can’t stand the man and don’t find him attractive

Wishawisha · 26/12/2022 16:45

This isn’t a about them present at all is it…

This might sound really mean but … you read so many posts on MN by women who have had children with terrible men and I try and always assume the best - that the men seemed decent at the start and that the women didn’t purposefully have children with useless fathers. But you know what your life will be like if you end up having children with him, don’t close your eyes.

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 26/12/2022 16:47

His weight is very much your business.. How will he parent a mobile dc? Imo it will all be left to you as he won't be able to keep up.
And I say that as my dh has lost 3 stone this year after releasing our ds was fitter than him and it bothered him.

Dullardmullard · 26/12/2022 16:48

This is the tipping point for you to leave now.

have the best 2023 with out this twat of a husband.

whatwasIgoingtosay · 26/12/2022 16:52

Stop TTC. Just stop it! Then LTB.

justasking111 · 26/12/2022 16:54

He's a lump of lard with body dysmorphia re his own body.

AkoraEdelherb · 26/12/2022 16:58

secular39 · 26/12/2022 16:45

I would take the gym membership and leave the husband.

But on another note, you don't have no kids and don't have time for the gym? That is a bit odd and maybe you want to reconsider your life priorities. Work is not the be all and end all. If anything happens to you and you can no longer work, within 24 hours they will put out a job advert to fill in yourself. For the new year, please consider your mental well being and make time for yourself.

Somebody does have to work the demanding jobs. OP is not struggling mentally because of her work, she’s struggling because she has an abusive, incompetent husband. Whether she’d enjoy working less or not, is another story.

HitMeWithAHotNoteAndWatchMeBounce · 26/12/2022 16:59

bazthecat123 · 26/12/2022 13:46

@caringcarer as I posted recently, we are TTC, so no kids as yet. To be brutally honest, he’s so fucking enormous that that’s not happening, and I can’t see it happening for a while.

OK, zero sympathy for you, OP.

I’m sorry you have depression, but I can think of one sure-fire way to improve that.

Help yourself.

romany4 · 26/12/2022 17:09

bazthecat123 · 26/12/2022 14:37

@LaurieFairyCake He often ‘jokingly’ prods my stomach, and calls me a Tellytubby. He also follows a lot of skinny women on instagram.

Next time he does it, prod him back saying...Ugh bouncy castle

EllesB · 26/12/2022 17:15

@bazthecat123 If you’ve never said a thing to him about his weight then he probably has talked himself up in his own mind and has some delusional thinking going on. Thinking that he’s “not that overweight” and “she’s still into me” and crap like that, especially if you two still try to have sex.

I think you should unburden him of these misconceptions using some strong words. And then LTB and find someone who isn’t a complete arsehole.

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 26/12/2022 17:16

Sorry but I think your marital problems run much deeper that a barbed gift of a gym membership.

Please don't have a baby with him.

Lenald · 26/12/2022 17:20

HitMeWithAHotNoteAndWatchMeBounce · 26/12/2022 16:59

OK, zero sympathy for you, OP.

I’m sorry you have depression, but I can think of one sure-fire way to improve that.

Help yourself.

Show quote history

wow.

QueefQueen80s · 26/12/2022 17:30

God he is horrific.

SquashesPumpkinsAutumnBliss · 26/12/2022 17:30

If your BMI gets too low you would not be eligible for nhs funded fertility treatment - perhaps print out that information and put it in front of him. When we did ivf the male had to be in a healthy weight range too.

not say8 g you need treatment when ttc, but shows him what is healthy.

if he is being rude now, how will he be in years to come?

SquashesPumpkinsAutumnBliss · 26/12/2022 17:31

6ough if that is how he treats you, I would be thrilled with a nice gym to escape to - cafe, meals, sauna, jacuzzi etc. ignore the exercise part. Oh maybe a nice yoga class to unwind with!

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/12/2022 17:35

bazthecat123 · 26/12/2022 14:39

@arethereanyleftatall I don’t know tbh. I suffer with depression and just don’t know which way to turn.

Honestly, I would start to consider if your depression stemmed from living with someone so critical of you - particularly when their criticism is so very, very unjustified.

  • "DH has been making pointed comments about my weight for some time (I have a BMI of 20)."
  • "He often ‘jokingly’ prods my stomach, and calls me a Tellytubby. He also follows a lot of skinny women on instagram."
He is putting considerable effort into making you feel bad about yourself.

Also, some of your other comments:

  • "as I posted recently, we are TTC, so no kids as yet. To be brutally honest, he’s so fucking enormous that that’s not happening, and I can’t see it happening for a while."
Please stop trying to conceive. It will tie you forever to this man through your shared child, even if you were to divorce. This is not in your best interests. And if he criticises you at BMI 20, he'll shred your self-esteem in a pregnant body. Don't give him that opportunity.
  • "Obviously I am just venting on here. I would never comment on his or anyone’s weight to their face. It’s none of my business."
His weight absolutely is your business if it's interfering with his fertility whilst TTC. And by criticising your weight, he declared open season on his own.
  • "I have a very demanding job with crazy hours, and I’m always exhausted by the time I get home."
And when you get home, it is to a wanker who criticises you. Seriously, it is time (well past time I would say) to sit and think about your future. Is this the life you want, to be constantly criticised for something you haven't done (get fat) by a hypocrite (who has got fat)?

I think you should consider treating your depression by withdrawing yourself from the situation that is causing it.

Theskyoutsideisblue · 26/12/2022 17:35

Leave.he is a shit

Butchyrestingface · 26/12/2022 17:38

bazthecat123 · 26/12/2022 15:30

@C1N1C Obviously I am just venting on here. I would never comment on his or anyone’s weight to their face. It’s none of my business.

Why the fuck not? He comments on YOUR weight, prods you, calls you a Tellytubby and buys you a gym membership.

It's time to make losing <insert boyf's weight> lbs of useless man fat your 2023 New Year resolution.

LittleBitLostWithoutYou · 26/12/2022 17:46

I don’t believe this at all. It seems like a fat shaming thread by a teeny tiny.

ButterBastardBeans · 26/12/2022 17:55

Flapjackquack · 26/12/2022 13:26

Did he not see the creepy AF and much rightly criticised Pelaton advert a couple of years ago?! YANBU OP.

What advert was this please?