Unwanted gym membership gift from DH, AIBU to be angry?

[bazthecat123]

This Christmas, my DH gifted me a very expensive gym membership for 12 months. I am very fit and active, but simply have no time to go to the gym; DH knows this. Despite being considerably overweight himself, DH has been making pointed comments about my weight for some time (I have a BMI of 20). AIBU to be pissed off?

Sorry, that really made me laugh!

But seriously OP, take heed!

He sounds horrible! Any chance he's the cause of your depression??

“I have a BMI of 20 and you are as fat as fuck so you go to the gym and work some lard off and stop making out that I am fat. Shape up or ship out.”

I would get him to ship out though - fat insecure men only become worse.

Cheeky fucker.

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this man ?.......the insults will only get worse, don't set foot in the gym if you don't wish to, it was his money, his so-called 'present', just shove it in a drawer and forget about it.

But can't you see that your depression would disappear if you left him? I feel depressed just reading about him.

Yes you do. You know exactly what to do. You know you need to leave this prick, you just haven't done it because you think it's easier to stay. It's not, HE is the root of your depression. Your mental health will improve dramatically without him.

Ok OP, seen your other thread.

You must know you need to walk away from this marriage. Staying in a marriage because you are depressed is no reason to stay at all. Your husband has serious issues which will only get worse.

You are clearly financially independent. You have no kids. Now is an ideal time to leave.

If you don't feel able to leave, start to see a counsellor. Reduce your hours if you can to get some thinking time.

But do not sleep walk into being tied to having this man in your life for 18 years (as you will be even if you separate) by having a child with him.

I would take full advantage of the gym membership and once you've looking hot af, think seriously about why you're with a very overweight person. And btw, everyone has time to go to the gym.

He doesn't think this.
OP is fit & active with a BMI at the lower end of 'normal'. 2 more points underneath where she is now would be "underweight".

For what that's worth, because this isn't about which of them weighs what.

Whatever he's thinking about his wife, he's more interested in her feeling horrible about her body than he is in taking care of his own. He probably feels shit about that, but it's easier to project than take responsibility, so ... shit present & shit belly-prodding & shit comments - here we come.

I hope you take ACynicalDad's suggestion up OP.
Then buy yourself something to the equivalent value that you actually WANT (assuming you even have that kind of cash. If not ... that's even meaner of him, isn't it?)

If you do decide to ring the gym & swap his name for yours, I'd get even before getting mad. IE do the same swap phone call (get even) BEFORE getting mad & bawling him out.
Not so much about the present you didn't want - but ALL about how he can STFU with the rude remarks about your body & if he ever dares prod your belly again in an attempt to deflect from his own gut, he can fuck off & not come back. Not sure how you've managed to tolerate it for so long, but this is now your opportunity to get him to STOP IT.

Let me just add to the chorus:

Get the fuck out of the marriage asap before it destroys you. And dear god do not bring a child into this disaster.

Does the gym include any spa facilities with the membership? Mine has a sauna, steam room and jacuzzi.

If it does, go and treat yourself to some regular ‘me time’ and leave him to deal with the kids/house/cooking/whatever.

Do you want your future daughter to be subject to bodyshaming by her own father, or witness him doing itto you and think its normal and ok?

This rude misogynistic bastard is neither husband nor father material. Yuk!

I would not be trying for a child with a man who openly criticises my weight. ID still go to the gym get fit and get out of this marriage. HAving a child with a man child would be a mistake.

You are spot on

I would be using a shorter word than 'bastard'.

The reason today I hate mirrors because I was told ‘your fat’ from 13 onwards. Saw some photos taken of me at 18 19 thirty years later I cried I was so thin. Don’t let this be a daughters future.

What a strange remark. I read OP's posts with the mental image that she already looks hot AF.

Not sure why you feel she needs to "improve" her appearance before taking any action about her H's inappropriate remarks & behaviour. Maybe you take a transactional view of bodies, & believe that more moral fibre attaches itself to people with smaller bodies. Or perhaps it's that you believe that smaller-bodied people are better able to present themselves as commodoties in a marketplace.

And no, not everybody has time to go to the gym, some people literally have no more hours in a day. Some people do have the hours, but choose not to spend them in a germ-spreading self-induced sweat shop. But you seem to feel there's some kind of imperative about it. It probably comes from the same place as your weird opinion that only "hot AF" people are allowed personal autonomy about their romantic relationships, so I think OP can safely ignore it.

Why would you want to have a child with him, he sounds thoroughly unpleasant

This !

My DP used to call me their 'chubster' and poke my belly and go 'beeep!'. The asthma nurse was more direct and said 'you need to lose all that belly fat'. I have lost 3 stone since then. Cut out between-meals snacks, fatty food, and walked more instead of driving. The Instagram thing I wouldn't like.

Now whilst I’d love this as a gift my life would allow me to go plus that’s not even really the problem here is it OP? He is very overweight, has a penchant for underweight (childlike?) women and wants you to get (dangerously) thin.

Sounds like the last person on earth I’d be having children with.

The OP has a BMI of 20. That’s already low. 18 is borderline so I don’t think your advice is good.

Your nurse had a respectful discussion with you as a patient from a medical perspective. Your partner is a body shaming shitbag.

YANBU, but if you don't address this body-shaming issue of his directly with him then YABU. You need to lay down the law that it's completely unacceptable of him. I cannot stand men who think they have the right to judge women by their appearance and share those views!