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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unwanted gym membership gift from DH, AIBU to be angry?

219 replies

bazthecat123 · 26/12/2022 13:17

This Christmas, my DH gifted me a very expensive gym membership for 12 months. I am very fit and active, but simply have no time to go to the gym; DH knows this. Despite being considerably overweight himself, DH has been making pointed comments about my weight for some time (I have a BMI of 20). AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
Puppers · 26/12/2022 14:01

Sorry cross posted. I must have imagined the bit where you had kids 🙈

Bloody hell definitely don't have children with this idiot if you don't already. Imagine if you have a daughter, her being stuck with such a misogynistic arse for a father.

Original poster
bazthecat123 · 26/12/2022 14:02

@Comedycook I have a very demanding job with crazy hours, and I’m always exhausted by the time I get home.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 26/12/2022 14:04

Why on fucking earth would you be trying to bring a baby into this toxic disaster? Come on now! What an absolutely stupid idea. How could you willingly burden a child with this arsehole as their father?

Comedycook · 26/12/2022 14:04

bazthecat123 · 26/12/2022 14:02

@Comedycook I have a very demanding job with crazy hours, and I’m always exhausted by the time I get home.

Oh I see...have you thought how you will manage that if and when you have a baby? It all sounds a recipe for disaster to be honest when combined with your dh who quite frankly sounds awful.

Hankunamatata · 26/12/2022 14:06

Does gym have spa included in membership? If it does perhaps he thought it would be nice.

Weight comments are awful

FLOWER1982 · 26/12/2022 14:07

Doesn’t sound like you like him very much anyway.

thenewduchessoflapland · 26/12/2022 14:11

bazthecat123 · 26/12/2022 13:46

@caringcarer as I posted recently, we are TTC, so no kids as yet. To be brutally honest, he’s so fucking enormous that that’s not happening, and I can’t see it happening for a while.

No kids yet?;good;leave him.

You've a healthy BMI and he's overweight and he's already negging you over a non existent weight issue;imagine what he'd put like when you put on pregnancy weight.

I'm guessing if you go through your relationship in general there's other things he negs you about/things about you he's tried to change.

His attitude towards you isn't a healthy one.

Awrite · 26/12/2022 14:13

Has everyone missed that op has BMI of 20? Isn't that slim? So, the DH is gaslighting if he is making comments about her weight.

And he's fat?

I suspect this is the tip of the iceberg.

If your job leaves you no time for the gym, you don't have time for kids but the way. I'm certainly wouldn't give up my earning power for this man.

MrsMcisaCt · 26/12/2022 14:16

FFS don't have children with this oversized turd.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 26/12/2022 14:18

Comedycook · 26/12/2022 14:00

How come you don't have time to go the gym? I assumed when I read that, that you were working full-time and raising children.

Me too

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 26/12/2022 14:19

I don’t even think it’s a bad gift-
the OP sounds ungrateful

Groundspace · 26/12/2022 14:20

bazthecat123 · 26/12/2022 14:02

@Comedycook I have a very demanding job with crazy hours, and I’m always exhausted by the time I get home.

How would you have time for a baby?

Ditch him.

rumporolypolyofthebailey · 26/12/2022 14:20

keep it, use it you might meet someone decent

ButterflyOil · 26/12/2022 14:20

Is it really a good idea to TTC when you’re constantly exhausted, working crazy hours in a demanding job, with a partner who maybe can’t because of his own health issues and with the teeny tiny little additional problem of the fact he seems to be a total bastard who makes digs at your weight, despite you being fit and healthy and gets you a ‘present’ that is clearly trying to make you feel insecure about your weight? That is who you want to saddle a child with as a father?

bekkkka · 26/12/2022 14:21

Could it be that in a way he is starting to reflect on his own weight, and it is coming out as this sort of projection on to you (ie commenting on YOUR weight when his own is much worse). Could you fake some excitement at the gym membership but insist you'd love to go together with him?

Reindeersnooker · 26/12/2022 14:23

I would put him on notice for the comments and leave 'to go to gym' every time you feel like a coffee and cake.

Luredbyapomegranate · 26/12/2022 14:23

ACynicalDad · 26/12/2022 13:20

Phone the gym and change it to his name.

Good idea.

Also get shot if he keeps making comments about your weight

mistermagpie · 26/12/2022 14:25

He comments negatively about your weight? I have a BMI of 20 and the only negative comments I get are about being a bit too thin, he can't honestly think you need to lose weight surely?!

I think it's a really risky gift if you've never mentioned wanting a gym membership, but that's neither here nor there really, what matters is that he sounds horrible and you have no kids with him so yippee you can walk away!

As an aside, I've pretty much always been slim and my ex husband often used to comment on my weight. He would go 'ugh, hold your stomach in!' if I was just standing there minding my own business, that kind of thing. We split and he's since married a woman twice my size... turns out he didn't hate my weight and size, he just hated me.

ClangingBell · 26/12/2022 14:26

Given your other thread and your description of him here as ‘so fucking enormous’, I expect he’s trying to reflect your behaviour back at you. The marriage is over when it reaches this level of mutual contempt. Do not have children.

JoyBeorge · 26/12/2022 14:26

bazthecat123 · 26/12/2022 13:46

@caringcarer as I posted recently, we are TTC, so no kids as yet. To be brutally honest, he’s so fucking enormous that that’s not happening, and I can’t see it happening for a while.

Maybe you need to be that brutally honest with him rather than with random strangers online, tell him why TTC is not happening and why his gift is so hypocritical considering his own enormous size.

Luredbyapomegranate · 26/12/2022 14:26

bekkkka · 26/12/2022 14:21

Could it be that in a way he is starting to reflect on his own weight, and it is coming out as this sort of projection on to you (ie commenting on YOUR weight when his own is much worse). Could you fake some excitement at the gym membership but insist you'd love to go together with him?

Could it be it isn’t the OP’s job to tolerate being insulted by her husband while devoting herself to making him feel better? Could it be it’s 2022 and women don’t have to be self sacrificing doormats in service to make egos?

TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · 26/12/2022 14:27

I’d be telling him he’s a fat bastard who needs it more than you. I would then treat myself from the joint bank acct to something of equivalent value.

This!! 🤣

LaurieFairyCake · 26/12/2022 14:29

What sort of weight comments?!?

You're borderline underweight Shock

I think you should just ditch him, he's a fucking shit

Iknowthis1 · 26/12/2022 14:29

Don't have a baby with someone who treats you badly.

jay55 · 26/12/2022 14:30

If he wants you to be an unhealthy low weight, he really doesn't give a fuck about you as a human being.

Get out and raise your bar.