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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unwanted gym membership gift from DH, AIBU to be angry?

219 replies

bazthecat123 · 26/12/2022 13:17

This Christmas, my DH gifted me a very expensive gym membership for 12 months. I am very fit and active, but simply have no time to go to the gym; DH knows this. Despite being considerably overweight himself, DH has been making pointed comments about my weight for some time (I have a BMI of 20). AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
usedtolovenaps · 26/12/2022 15:17

Jeezo. Also, think about these 1) he would likely be sending you to the gym heavily pregnant demanding you lose weight; 2) he would likely be demanding you lose your pregnancy belly soon after birth.

GracieLouFreeebush · 26/12/2022 15:17

rattlemehearties · 26/12/2022 13:53

You don't have kids, but you don't have time to go to the gym? Eh? I have kids and get to the gym 3-4 times a week. I'd take him up on it and use the time.

I don’t have kids, but I am still busy. Maybe your life isn’t as interesting as mine and that’s why you have time for they gym.

gamerchick · 26/12/2022 15:18

It always amazes me how men are so entitled that they think they can get in whatever state they want but keep their expectations of what they want their women to look like. Like they don't have to make any effort.

Tell him he is a cheeky bastard, poke him in the belly and tell him to take his own fucking advice.

Make yourself a NY resolution and ditch him.

HerkyBaby · 26/12/2022 15:24

Going to the gym is an excellent way of meeting new people/ potential partners. Make the most of it in any way you can- it could be life changing!

Lenald · 26/12/2022 15:25

GracieLouFreeebush · 26/12/2022 15:17

I don’t have kids, but I am still busy. Maybe your life isn’t as interesting as mine and that’s why you have time for they gym.

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What a stupid thing for @rattlemehearties to say.

I have four kids go to the gym 3x a week. It’s so stupid when people think everyone should prioritise the gym the same way they do or they are lazy.

who gives a shit I could go 5 times a week but I don’t have the time because I have other shit I want to do.

Threeboysandadog · 26/12/2022 15:25

Keep the gym membership and ditch the husband. I’m sure your depression will improve if not disappear. This is not the person to spend the rest of your life or have children with.

SaintLoy · 26/12/2022 15:26

ReneBumsWombats · 26/12/2022 15:16

Your nurse had a respectful discussion with you as a patient from a medical perspective. Your partner is a body shaming shitbag.

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You totally don't know my partner. A loving, playful, very kind and nice person. I needed to lose that weight, no two ways about it.

BadNomad · 26/12/2022 15:26

Just think how much worse his comments and attitude will be if you become pregnant. And afterwards. Don't put yourself through that. He's not worth it. Do not risk having a daughter with someone like that for a father.

HellsCominWithMe · 26/12/2022 15:27

bazthecat123 · 26/12/2022 14:37

@LaurieFairyCake He often ‘jokingly’ prods my stomach, and calls me a Tellytubby. He also follows a lot of skinny women on instagram.

I can see this getting worse when you are pregnant and post baby if your genetic hand means you gain a lot of weight or find it harder to lose it after for whatever reason.

C1N1C · 26/12/2022 15:27

Truth be told, I think you deserve each other with the way you talk about him. He may not be the most sensitive guy around but you're hardly an angel and come off as sounding like you think you're better than him... "He's so fucking enormous"...

Imagine a guy came in here saying "my wife got me a gym membership and I thought I was actually pretty trim. I think it's a bit hypocritical really as she's so fucking enourmous"... imagine the backlash!!!

As for the actual response, come on people, we're adults. "Hi husband, I appreciate the gift and I know it was with good intent, but I told you I don't have time for it.. could you look at getting your money back, or perhaps you might like it as i feel it's a waste otherwise".

Lenald · 26/12/2022 15:27

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OldFan · 26/12/2022 15:27

@bazthecat123 He sounds awful OP and like he'd like you to have an eating disorder or something- he wants you to feel bad about yourself, maybe because otherwise he thinks you might leave him and find someone more in your league.

Do you even fancy him? And the sex will be a lot worse than it otherwise would be, as he will have less stamina than a man who's not obese- also a slimmer man's penis will look larger and have a bigger working length as there isn't lard in the way.

Dixiechickonhols · 26/12/2022 15:29

We it doesn’t sound like a compatible long term relationship I’d stop ttc for a start.
Why are you with someone who is rude to you?

OldFan · 26/12/2022 15:29

@SaintLoy That's bad enough, but OP's husband is even doing it when OP is slim and definitely doesn't need to lose weight.

steff13 · 26/12/2022 15:30

SaintLoy · 26/12/2022 15:09

My DP used to call me their 'chubster' and poke my belly and go 'beeep!'. The asthma nurse was more direct and said 'you need to lose all that belly fat'. I have lost 3 stone since then. Cut out between-meals snacks, fatty food, and walked more instead of driving. The Instagram thing I wouldn't like.

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The OP isn't overweight, though. Your experience is immaterial to her situation.

Original poster
bazthecat123 · 26/12/2022 15:30

@C1N1C Obviously I am just venting on here. I would never comment on his or anyone’s weight to their face. It’s none of my business.

OP posts:
OldFan · 26/12/2022 15:31

Imagine a guy came in here saying "my wife got me a gym membership and I thought I was actually pretty trim.

@C1N1C But OP is slim, she's not deluded, at a BMI of 20 that's objective.

CoffeeBoy · 26/12/2022 15:31

If he thinks you’re big with a bmi of 20 what is he going to think when you’re pregnant, or post natal and struggling to lose pregnancy weight? I wouldn’t have kids with him.

AdoraBell · 26/12/2022 15:31

Don’t have a child with him. If he wants you to lose weight then it’s easy to drop something like - I’m guessing- 18/19 stone instantly.

Lenald · 26/12/2022 15:32

C1N1C · 26/12/2022 15:27

Truth be told, I think you deserve each other with the way you talk about him. He may not be the most sensitive guy around but you're hardly an angel and come off as sounding like you think you're better than him... "He's so fucking enormous"...

Imagine a guy came in here saying "my wife got me a gym membership and I thought I was actually pretty trim. I think it's a bit hypocritical really as she's so fucking enourmous"... imagine the backlash!!!

As for the actual response, come on people, we're adults. "Hi husband, I appreciate the gift and I know it was with good intent, but I told you I don't have time for it.. could you look at getting your money back, or perhaps you might like it as i feel it's a waste otherwise".

Bullshit. If the wife in this scenario was liking pics of 6 pack clad men on insta she would be a total bitch as well.

It doesn’t change because she has a vagina.

Lenald · 26/12/2022 15:33

bazthecat123 · 26/12/2022 15:30

@C1N1C Obviously I am just venting on here. I would never comment on his or anyone’s weight to their face. It’s none of my business.

It is if you’ve got to have sex with him. I wouldn’t want to tbh.

Angeldelight81 · 26/12/2022 15:35

Do you actually fancy him ?

hugefanofcheese · 26/12/2022 15:36

He's really not sounding great OP, picking on you for your weight despite being unhealthily large himself, also spending his time perving online. Are you sure this is a relationship you want to bring kids into if he's always putting you down? Someone else would really appreciate you.

SaintLoy · 26/12/2022 15:36

steff13 · 26/12/2022 15:30

The OP isn't overweight, though. Your experience is immaterial to her situation.

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You're right. I totally overlooked the OP's low BMI. That husband is a nasty man.

ReneBumsWombats · 26/12/2022 15:40

SaintLoy · 26/12/2022 15:26

You totally don't know my partner. A loving, playful, very kind and nice person. I needed to lose that weight, no two ways about it.

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Oh I totally do. Their kind is garden variety body shaming shitbag, we've all met them a zillion times. Whether you needed to lose weight was a separate issue.