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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unwanted gym membership gift from DH, AIBU to be angry?

219 replies

bazthecat123 · 26/12/2022 13:17

This Christmas, my DH gifted me a very expensive gym membership for 12 months. I am very fit and active, but simply have no time to go to the gym; DH knows this. Despite being considerably overweight himself, DH has been making pointed comments about my weight for some time (I have a BMI of 20). AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
ACynicalDad · 26/12/2022 13:20

Phone the gym and change it to his name.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 26/12/2022 13:20

Despite being considerably overweight himself, DH has been making pointed comments about my weight for some time

I'd be more pissed off at this bit than the gym membership.

mintbiscuit · 26/12/2022 13:24

I’d be telling him he’s a fat bastard who needs it more than you. I would then treat myself from the joint bank acct to something of equivalent value.

RampantIvy · 26/12/2022 13:24

ACynicalDad · 26/12/2022 13:20

Phone the gym and change it to his name.

Grin
Reugny · 26/12/2022 13:25

ACynicalDad · 26/12/2022 13:20

Phone the gym and change it to his name.

Brilliant idea

And the OP can say it's his early Birthday present for 2023.

Flapjackquack · 26/12/2022 13:26

Did he not see the creepy AF and much rightly criticised Pelaton advert a couple of years ago?! YANBU OP.

Fathercrossmas · 26/12/2022 13:27

I'd keep it but just so that DH thing of disappearing whenever parenting or cleaning is required for hours on end.

MyBooksAndMyCats · 26/12/2022 13:30

I'd keep it and leave the kids with him, pretend to go and go eat chocolate and read a good book for a hour once or twice a week in the car. Grin

SirVixofVixHall · 26/12/2022 13:30

mintbiscuit · 26/12/2022 13:24

I’d be telling him he’s a fat bastard who needs it more than you. I would then treat myself from the joint bank acct to something of equivalent value.

This

HideyHoe · 26/12/2022 13:30

Pull him up on his weight and use the gym membership by delegating tasks and jobs to him.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/12/2022 13:30

There has to be way more to this than just the gym membership. There's no way he's not a total twat in other aspects of your marriage.

caringcarer · 26/12/2022 13:42

I'd keep it pretend to be pleased and meet up with friends leaving him to sort kids, 2 or 3 times a week. If he complains say it cost souch you feel you must get your money's worth. Slip off at weekends too. He will never gift you this again. Also come back looking happy each time and tell him the exercise is so good for you maybe he should get himself a membership.

UsingChangeofName · 26/12/2022 13:43

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 26/12/2022 13:20

Despite being considerably overweight himself, DH has been making pointed comments about my weight for some time

I'd be more pissed off at this bit than the gym membership.

This.

From the title, I was set to say YABU, but, as @Aquamarine1029 said, this isn't about the gift.......

StreamingCervix · 26/12/2022 13:44

What a knob.

What’s taking up all of your time? Is it anything that can be delegated to him, like childcare/cleaning? If so then I’d absolutely be making time to get out of the house, be that using the gym facilities or just sitting in McDonald’s car park.

Original poster
bazthecat123 · 26/12/2022 13:46

@caringcarer as I posted recently, we are TTC, so no kids as yet. To be brutally honest, he’s so fucking enormous that that’s not happening, and I can’t see it happening for a while.

OP posts:
SleeplessInEngland · 26/12/2022 13:47

Personally I’d like an expensive gym membership, so I guess it depends whether you think it was a thinly veiled comment more than a gift. At least you can’t say he’s been a cheapskate

Sparklfairy · 26/12/2022 13:47

Just because you have a gym membership, doesn't mean you have to go. You can just pretend to go and make the time by having him take over the house stuff* that previously stopped you going

*cleaning is great exercise so he can do that, he might lose some weight himself Wink

Travis1 · 26/12/2022 13:49

bazthecat123 · 26/12/2022 13:46

@caringcarer as I posted recently, we are TTC, so no kids as yet. To be brutally honest, he’s so fucking enormous that that’s not happening, and I can’t see it happening for a while.

Good take this as your biggest red flag
and GTFO of that marriage.

rattlemehearties · 26/12/2022 13:53

You don't have kids, but you don't have time to go to the gym? Eh? I have kids and get to the gym 3-4 times a week. I'd take him up on it and use the time.

IWishIWasABaller · 26/12/2022 13:56

I'd knock the tcc-ing on the head and get out fast before you bring children into this mess. The cheek of him to buy you a gym membership and critique your weight when he is massively obese himself. How do you sit there with a straight face when he starts to make those comments?! Absolute madness

Puppers · 26/12/2022 13:57

Well I'd leave him because this isn't what a loving relationship looks like; a husband who tries to pressure you to lose weight when you're perfectly fit and healthy, presumably because he has a sexual penchant for underweight women and seems to think you are a sex doll rather than a human being who is the mother of his children. He sounds a prize twat.

But to answer your question, no you're obviously not being unreasonable to be pissed off about the gym membership in the context of his wider behaviour with regards to your body.

If you're not going to get rid of him, at least give him a very frank, sharp dressing down. As PP have suggested call the gym and change the membership to his name. Then tell him "You are an overweight slob and I've had enough of your constant criticism of my healthy body, which does not exist to live up to your ridiculous porn-fuelled fantasies. I've changed the gym membership to your name as you are the one who needs it if you want to be a healthy role model for our children. I won't be using it and I don't want to hear a single negative word out of your mouth about the way I look again.”

FlorettaB · 26/12/2022 13:59

You don’t have DC with him? Run. Far, far away.

If he’s doing this when you have a BMI of 20, which is pretty much perfect, what would he be like when you’re pregnant and post natal?

VioletCharlotte · 26/12/2022 13:59

He sounds awful OP. Why would you want to have a baby with someone like this? Forget trying to conceive, I would actually try and find time to use the gym membership, it'll get you out the house. Who knows, you might meet some nice, fit guy to replace him with 🤣

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 26/12/2022 14:00

What other facilities does the gym have?

Spa
Sauna
Jacuzzi
....

Thank him for taking on more of the household chores so you have time to attend the gym and then go and enjoy the nice relaxing treat like bits of the gym as well as some time in the gym cafe with coffee and a book.

Comedycook · 26/12/2022 14:00

How come you don't have time to go the gym? I assumed when I read that, that you were working full-time and raising children.

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