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Original poster

Feel so disappointed with yesterday

223 replies

grasshopper20 · 26/12/2022 09:41

I feel really bad about yesterday. Didn't go at all how I imagined.
This is our first year with DD.

DP has been poorly for the last few days. I've had DD on my own while DP has been in bed for the last few days. All day, all night.

Yesterday DP woke up but said she needed to go back to bed for a couple of hours so I said that's fine, go to sleep and we'll open presents and get ready when she wakes up.
Anyway it gets to 10.20am so I go upstairs (not knowing how long to leave it), DP is in bed on her phone. So I said 'oh good, you're up, let's go downstairs, what do you want for breakfast?' Etc.

DP comes downstairs but is annoyed with me for not waking her up sooner saying 'there's things I wanted us to do this morning such as..' and listed things she wanted to do with the baby.
Basically she wanted a relaxing Xmas morning. Who doesn't?!
And was annoyed I'd not woken her at 9 Instead.

DP was really annoyed in the morning and kept going on about how we were going to be late (going out for a meal with family). That the morning wasn't relaxed.
We still hadn't opened presents (which we then left to the evening). Kept saying 'why didn't you just wake me?!'

We needed to leave the house by 11.50am (picking up family to go out).
It ended up being a big argument.

We went out but later wasn't speaking again as DP was saying things that annoyed her about my family. I.e. them expecting her to pick them up and drop them off etc (which is true).

I just feel so bad. I felt bad that I hadn't woken her up earlier.
I just wanted her to rest because she'd been poorly and I knew it was a busy day. I genuinely thought I was doing a good thing by letting her lie in but really I do understand she wanted a relaxing morning and it ended up being rushed.

I just feel sad we weren't speaking half the day and it was our first Christmas with a baby. It was just awful really.

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 26/12/2022 09:43

Why the fuck couldn’t she have set an alarm? Why is this your problem?

EL8888 · 26/12/2022 09:44

Thepeopleversuswork · 26/12/2022 09:43

Why the fuck couldn’t she have set an alarm? Why is this your problem?

This. She needs to take some responsibility!

Overthebow · 26/12/2022 09:45

Why was it up to you to wake her? You’re not her mum.

Rotherweird · 26/12/2022 09:45

That does sound rubbish. It wasnt your responsibility to wake DP up - she could have set an alarm. Is she usually so sulky or was it down to being ill/Christmas stress? I don’t think she was very nice to you and you have ended up feeling bad for no reason.

thelobsterquadrille · 26/12/2022 09:45

This is what alarm clocks were invented for.

She's being utterly ridiculous. Plus, if she really wanted to get up, why was she lazing around in bed on her phone? Confused

Original poster
grasshopper20 · 26/12/2022 09:46

I did ask why she didn't just set an alarm as she was going back to bed. There wasn't an answer to that.

OP posts:
ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat · 26/12/2022 09:46

Sorry op, that's really pathetic behaviour on her part there. She's an adult so can get herself up BUT even once the "damage" is done and you're later than you'd like, an adult doesn't then be in a pissy mood for the rest of the day and spoil it. I'd be wanting to have a serious conversation about this..sulking / holding a grudge etc v v unattractive qualities.

Quitelikeit · 26/12/2022 09:47

You shouldn’t feel bad. She should. It’s also (in my book) shocking having a long lie in Xmas day when you have kids - fair enough if baby was asleep and you both were having a lie in but there’s no way I would have left you on your own on Xmas day as the morning is a very special time of the whole day

Willmafrockfit · 26/12/2022 09:47

she sounds very irritating

Quitelikeit · 26/12/2022 09:47

And also disgusting that she ruined the day with her mood!

Thepeopleversuswork · 26/12/2022 09:48

grasshopper20 · 26/12/2022 09:46

I did ask why she didn't just set an alarm as she was going back to bed. There wasn't an answer to that.

Yeah you need to push back on this. Unless she’s in a coma she is perfectly capable of setting an alarm on her phone.

Does she normally treat you like her mum? And does she normally sulk if you don’t?

Original poster
grasshopper20 · 26/12/2022 09:48

@ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat
It was that what wound me up. Her going on about it. Rather than just accepting she was up late and getting on with enjoying the day. It didn't need to be a big thing but really ended up that way.
She can sometimes be in this kind of mood, especially if we are seeing my family - which we were.

OP posts:
AriettyHomily · 26/12/2022 09:48

If she was in bed in her phone why hadn't she got up?

BCBird · 26/12/2022 09:48

I fail to.see why you should feel guilty
How are you supposed to know what time to wake her up? Next time nip.this in.the bud. I would ask her to set an alarm. Hope u can salvage some good cheer. Take care

BanjoVio · 26/12/2022 09:49

Aside from all the very valid points about it not being your responsibility to wake her up, if she was on her phone, she would’ve known what time it was. This is her trying to make it all your fault when really it was hers. Pathetic.

WarrickDavisAsPlates · 26/12/2022 09:50

If she was led in bed with her phone she knew damn well what the time was and she could have gotten up herself. You are not her alarm clock or her mother so it's not your responsibility to make sure she gets up, you were trying to do a nice thing by letting her get some rest so she could enjoy the day.

I completely understand the disappointment of a bad Christmas though, there's so much prep goes into it that expectations are high. If it's only your little ones first Xmas then at least she won't remember it (even though you will)

IToldYouAmillionTimesAlready · 26/12/2022 09:51

She sounds pathetic. It was HER responsibility to set an alarm and get up at a reasonable time. She could surely have got up and spent some time with you and the baby. HER fault. I think you're probably in for years of this - unless you stop letting her behave like a teenager.

Original poster
grasshopper20 · 26/12/2022 09:51

Thank you for your responses. I was really expecting a lot of replies saying I should have got her up and why did I just leave her in bed.

OP posts:
Lenald · 26/12/2022 09:52

DP is in bed on her phone.

her phone with the time on????

she’s being a total dick. @grasshopper20

Shinyandnew1 · 26/12/2022 09:52

DP comes downstairs but is annoyed with me for not waking her up sooner

She was awake! If she sits on her phone in bed, surely she can tell the time?!

DP was saying things that annoyed her about my family. I.e. them expecting her to pick them up and drop them off etc

Can you explain this? What were the plans you’d made? Why did you make plans that revolves around her doing the driving?

Everydaywheniwakeup · 26/12/2022 09:53

She was a twat. Stop being a martyr and trying to blame yourself for her being a twat, or you'll be the doormat forever more.

Pianofar · 26/12/2022 09:54

I'd be annoyed if I were you, they could have set an alarm or said can you please wake me at x time. Its not like you'd opened all of the presents or gone for lunch without them, it sounds like you waited (and probably changed your morning plans) so they could rest- you haven't done anything wrong. Also weird how if they were so poorly you've had to do everything the past few days and they needed to go back to bed they were well enough at a specified time they had in their heads to get up and about.

JonahAndTheSnail · 26/12/2022 09:57

Does her phone not have a clock, if she was sat messing around on her phone, then she would have been well aware of the time?! If she didn't have a relaxing morning then that was her own fault for not setting an alarm or communicating her plans more clearly with you earlier. You took DD to give her a rest which was nice and considerate of you. FWIW I don't understand adults who expect other people to wake them up rather than just setting an alarm themselves.

Original poster
grasshopper20 · 26/12/2022 09:59

Shinyandnew1 · 26/12/2022 09:52

DP comes downstairs but is annoyed with me for not waking her up sooner

She was awake! If she sits on her phone in bed, surely she can tell the time?!

DP was saying things that annoyed her about my family. I.e. them expecting her to pick them up and drop them off etc

Can you explain this? What were the plans you’d made? Why did you make plans that revolves around her doing the driving?

DP drives. I do but don't have a car at the moment. My family don't drive. DP arranged to collect my family and drop them back home. DP was annoyed they didn't offer to get a taxi and that it's left to her pick them up and drop them off.

DP doesn't drink so I think there's sometimes an expectation she will do it.
I said to her she's happy to do it whenever it's her family. She wouldn't say a word if it's her family.
But when it's mine she will say how much it annoys her, makes comments to my family about it.

When they got in the car she said 'next year you need to find a way to make your own way to us rather than me picking you up' so it felt like there was an atmosphere from the off.

OP posts:
SadOrWickedFairy · 26/12/2022 10:00

Anyway it gets to 10.20am so I go upstairs (not knowing how long to leave it), DP is in bed on her phone. So I said 'oh good, you're up, let's go downstairs, what do you want for breakfast?' Etc.

Apart from the fact she could have set an alarm, or asked you to give her a shout at a certain time she was awake and on her phone when you went up there so why didn't she just get up.

And this:

She was a twat. Stop being a martyr and trying to blame yourself for her being a twat, or you'll be the doormat forever more.