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Original poster

Feel so disappointed with yesterday

223 replies

grasshopper20 · 26/12/2022 09:41

I feel really bad about yesterday. Didn't go at all how I imagined.
This is our first year with DD.

DP has been poorly for the last few days. I've had DD on my own while DP has been in bed for the last few days. All day, all night.

Yesterday DP woke up but said she needed to go back to bed for a couple of hours so I said that's fine, go to sleep and we'll open presents and get ready when she wakes up.
Anyway it gets to 10.20am so I go upstairs (not knowing how long to leave it), DP is in bed on her phone. So I said 'oh good, you're up, let's go downstairs, what do you want for breakfast?' Etc.

DP comes downstairs but is annoyed with me for not waking her up sooner saying 'there's things I wanted us to do this morning such as..' and listed things she wanted to do with the baby.
Basically she wanted a relaxing Xmas morning. Who doesn't?!
And was annoyed I'd not woken her at 9 Instead.

DP was really annoyed in the morning and kept going on about how we were going to be late (going out for a meal with family). That the morning wasn't relaxed.
We still hadn't opened presents (which we then left to the evening). Kept saying 'why didn't you just wake me?!'

We needed to leave the house by 11.50am (picking up family to go out).
It ended up being a big argument.

We went out but later wasn't speaking again as DP was saying things that annoyed her about my family. I.e. them expecting her to pick them up and drop them off etc (which is true).

I just feel so bad. I felt bad that I hadn't woken her up earlier.
I just wanted her to rest because she'd been poorly and I knew it was a busy day. I genuinely thought I was doing a good thing by letting her lie in but really I do understand she wanted a relaxing morning and it ended up being rushed.

I just feel sad we weren't speaking half the day and it was our first Christmas with a baby. It was just awful really.

OP posts:
Original poster
grasshopper20 · 26/12/2022 10:59

For those asking about is this new behaviour - This isn't new behaviour.
The comments with my family in the past have been awful. And when I look back at these situations and how she's spoken to them, it really does upset me.
They've fallen out several times in the past.
Yesterday wasn't actually unusual. We've had many days like that.
Usually things are good for a good while but then something like this will happen.

OP posts:
WingingItEveryDay7 · 26/12/2022 11:00

Agree with PP that she could have helped herself a bit more.

How has she been on the lead up to Christmas? How old is DD? I ask because I'm wondering if she is feeling a bit overwhelmed and has a touch of PND maybe? I wonder and ask only because I am feeling a bit glum this year, and easily get swept away in my own world given a chance..... I wouldn't blame it on anyone but myself mind you.

How does she usually get along with your in-laws? I must admit that I would do anything for my family but would leave my DH to deal with his, although I wouldn't be rude to them!

Have a chat when it's just you two and see what is going on. I hope she perks up and you can enjoy the rest of the holidays!

ButterBastardBeans · 26/12/2022 11:02

This has so many red flags.

Clarich007 · 26/12/2022 11:03

You shouldn't feel disappointed about yesterday, you should feel bloody angry. She sounds like a stroppy teenage nightmare. Sorry I couldn't be with someone like that!
She treats you like this because she gets away with it.
You sound lovely. Good luck

Clymene · 26/12/2022 11:05

grasshopper20 · 26/12/2022 10:59

For those asking about is this new behaviour - This isn't new behaviour.
The comments with my family in the past have been awful. And when I look back at these situations and how she's spoken to them, it really does upset me.
They've fallen out several times in the past.
Yesterday wasn't actually unusual. We've had many days like that.
Usually things are good for a good while but then something like this will happen.

You're in an abusive relationship. It is no place for a child to be raised.

Wauden · 26/12/2022 11:08

grasshopper20 · 26/12/2022 10:50

I'd say sometimes, yes.
Whenever it's anything to do with my family, this happens really.
I am frustrated with myself really that I let it happen.

Show quote history

It really, really is not YOUR fault at all, please remember that.
I hope that you have some quality time with your DD and people who are good to you.

MeinKraft · 26/12/2022 11:08

LTB your partner is not making you happy and sounds like a dick basically.

Hayliebells · 26/12/2022 11:09

She sounds awful, making out it's all your fault when it isn't at all, then being a twat to your family, she's just unpleasant. Are you in a position to be able to leave?

Blanketsaurus · 26/12/2022 11:10

My dh hasn’t treated my family like your dp did even once, in 20 years. It’s very rude behaviour.

ovverleaf · 26/12/2022 11:11

She's being bloody ridiculous. She ruined the morning for herself and wants to pin it on you. Abuser behaviour.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 26/12/2022 11:11

Where are you going today? I'd leave her to it and head out assuming you want to go?

Sorry, but she has been a complete bitch and she is totally taking the piss more generally. You need to stop taking this much abuse and grow a spine.

Quitelikeit · 26/12/2022 11:11

Why do you always get up with the baby?

do she work? Do you? How old is the baby?

is this a same sex relationship? Who is the birth mother of the baby?

pinkfondu · 26/12/2022 11:13

Go out without her!

Blanketsaurus · 26/12/2022 11:13

If she’s still in bed now and you’re going out, has she decided to ruin your day again?

Boiledbeetle · 26/12/2022 11:15

grasshopper20 · 26/12/2022 10:59

For those asking about is this new behaviour - This isn't new behaviour.
The comments with my family in the past have been awful. And when I look back at these situations and how she's spoken to them, it really does upset me.
They've fallen out several times in the past.
Yesterday wasn't actually unusual. We've had many days like that.
Usually things are good for a good while but then something like this will happen.

You know this relationship is finished don't you?

you cannot continue like this.

This situation is going to get progressively worse.

This needs to be the last Christmas she ever gets to do this to you.

Greyarea12 · 26/12/2022 11:15

But she was in bed on her phone so therefore knew the time but chose to stay in bed on her phone... and is now making you feel bad because she chose to stay on her phone rather than get up.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 26/12/2022 11:15

ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat · 26/12/2022 09:46

Sorry op, that's really pathetic behaviour on her part there. She's an adult so can get herself up BUT even once the "damage" is done and you're later than you'd like, an adult doesn't then be in a pissy mood for the rest of the day and spoil it. I'd be wanting to have a serious conversation about this..sulking / holding a grudge etc v v unattractive qualities.

This.

@grasshopper20

She's still in bed funnily enough. I've been up twice to wake her up as we are going out again in an hour or so. She won't apologise. She won't see there's anything to apologise for.

If you are still quite young, I would be starting an exit plan to leave the relationship if this behaviour continues. It's toxic...

Definitely more issues at play than you just not waking your partner. Also, itseems unusual for a woman to be like this. It's normally men who display these childish passive aggressive qualities. My DH used to some years ago. (Still does a bit occasionally.) Also once blamed me for not waking HIM too.

Some 15 years ago, I went for a nap on New Years Day afternoon at about 2pm for a couple of hours, as we had both been woken by a fucking delivery driver at 7am for SOMEONE ELSE'S PACKAGE, and we were sleepy, he said 'I will have a nap too... wake me at 4 when you get up.' (We have separate bedrooms and have had for 20 years because of his snoring.) I set the alarm, and it didn't go off. The clock had stopped at half three,. (Battery went.)

So we slept in til 5.30pm. I woke then and quickly went to his room and woke him. He was so grumpy and arsey and miserable about it, and ranted on about how I has ruined HIS New Year's eve as he now feels massively lethargic and fatigued, after such a long sleep, and waking at 'nearly 6pm' is now too close to the time we were going out (7.30pm) for him to get ready! He moaned and bitched so much, that I screamed 'there was nothing to stop you setting YOUR alarm in your own room for fuck's sake!'

We went to the pub down the road as planned, at 8pm, after getting ready in total silence, and there was such a toxic atmosphere after that, that it ruined the night. I felt in a dark mood, and like a dark cloud was sitting on my shoulder all night. Couldn't be fucked to stay and left at 10.00pm I said 'I feel ill, I am leaving, and walked the half mile home.' DH rocked up at 11pm and said 'what's the matter with YOUR face tonight?' Hmm I just went to bed.

Twat. Like with the OP, there was nothing to stop their partner setting the alarm themselves.

Nerdsarecoolwhatdoyoumean · 26/12/2022 11:19

Wish you were my partner ... I'd love to be left in bed!
Sorry the day wasn't as good as you wanted but it's not on you. Have a great day today 😀🎄🎅

Alisonscutehairflick · 26/12/2022 11:22

She sounds awful tbh, domineering and a control freak.

Keenovay · 26/12/2022 11:24

An alternative view (as everyone seems to be singing from the same hymn sheet here) but this read to me that she's still seriously unwell, and faced an exhausting day ahead, hence the procrastination and snappishness?

I feel sorry for someone feeling below par on Xmas Day with family unable to step up to help. When she retired back to bed, despite having plans for her Christmas morning with the baby, that was a clue you might need to look after her.

I also feel the detail about her being on her phone when you entered was a red herring to elicit sympathy - she might have turned it on seconds before. In fact the whole post read like a bit of a fit-up job to me, with OP as the saintly one! (Sort out some shared car insurance - it's easily done.)

ButterflyOil · 26/12/2022 11:28

You know what’s worse? This is your precious DD’s first Christmas and whole yes a baby doesn’t know what xmas is, your partner seems to have been solely focused on being difficult and causing a fight vs having a lovely first family xmas with you and the baby.

That for me would make me reevaluate the entire relationship. Can’t believe her first focus wasn’t her child and partner on a special first xmas.

pictoosh · 26/12/2022 11:28

Narcs often sabotage special occasions. They can't stand events that don't revolve around their specific preferences. They hate to be inconvenienced by the expectations of others. They create a shitstorm to restore control. They don't care who they hurt...they view it as being justified, cunts that they are.

Original poster
grasshopper20 · 26/12/2022 11:32

@Keenovay
It happens every morning where DP goes back to bed.
She has been full of a cold recently.
And I've also been incredibly burnt out with work. I went back to work quite soon after giving birth as the main earner.

We are going to sort out the car thing.

OP posts:
Mrsuntidy · 26/12/2022 11:34

If she was on her phone then instead of being on her phone she could have been in the shower. She sounds like a dick.

BellePeppa · 26/12/2022 11:35

Tell her to grow up! She sounds hard work.

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