Feel so disappointed with yesterday

[grasshopper20]

I feel really bad about yesterday. Didn't go at all how I imagined.
This is our first year with DD.

DP has been poorly for the last few days. I've had DD on my own while DP has been in bed for the last few days. All day, all night.

Yesterday DP woke up but said she needed to go back to bed for a couple of hours so I said that's fine, go to sleep and we'll open presents and get ready when she wakes up.
Anyway it gets to 10.20am so I go upstairs (not knowing how long to leave it), DP is in bed on her phone. So I said 'oh good, you're up, let's go downstairs, what do you want for breakfast?' Etc.

DP comes downstairs but is annoyed with me for not waking her up sooner saying 'there's things I wanted us to do this morning such as..' and listed things she wanted to do with the baby.
Basically she wanted a relaxing Xmas morning. Who doesn't?!
And was annoyed I'd not woken her at 9 Instead.

DP was really annoyed in the morning and kept going on about how we were going to be late (going out for a meal with family). That the morning wasn't relaxed.
We still hadn't opened presents (which we then left to the evening). Kept saying 'why didn't you just wake me?!'

We needed to leave the house by 11.50am (picking up family to go out).
It ended up being a big argument.

We went out but later wasn't speaking again as DP was saying things that annoyed her about my family. I.e. them expecting her to pick them up and drop them off etc (which is true).

I just feel so bad. I felt bad that I hadn't woken her up earlier.
I just wanted her to rest because she'd been poorly and I knew it was a busy day. I genuinely thought I was doing a good thing by letting her lie in but really I do understand she wanted a relaxing morning and it ended up being rushed.

I just feel sad we weren't speaking half the day and it was our first Christmas with a baby. It was just awful really.

You deserve better than this. And I would be very concerned that she would turn that behaviour towards your child in the future. That kind of attitude and the actions are toxic.

Sounds like she was bad-tempered and determined to pick a fight.

She was awake and on her phone when you went up - that was her choice to lie in bed for however long. She knew the time, it's right there on your phone all the time.

She made you her emotional punchbag for whatever reason. I would have a think about this dynamic in your relationship, whether it's a regular thing.

The writings on the wall loud and clear but for whatever reason you can’t read it.

Dads can have PND. So she could.

I think this has everything to do with her procrastinating because she doesn’t want to spend the day with your family and very little to do with her oversleeping. Does she depend on you to get her up for work in the morning? No. Because she’s an adult and understands how alarms work. She made a conscious decision to stay in bed. The first thing that pops up on most phones is the time. But you didn’t find her rushing out of bed to get washed and dressed. You found her still laying there. It’s simply easier for her to be annoyed with you for not being psychic than it is for her to express her resentment at spending time with your family and being angry that she has to do that. She’s sacrificed her first Christmas with you as parents in order to have an excuse to express her resentment.

This is not going to be a peaceful relationship. Are you certain this is how you want to spend your life?

I was at work at a hospital yesterday and yes it puts things into perspective.

Op's dp is being pathetic.

I would be really annoyed that she ruined Xmas Day and would tell her that straight.

Why are you pandering to her moodiness and brattish behaviour?

You need to set some boundaries and not let her behave like a spoilt child.

So the baby is yours?

I think this attempt at parenting together is not working. Time to plan for the end of the relationship I think. She sounds dreadful.

Wholly not your problem. She should manage her own time ffs. This is not your problem.

I’m sorry, she sounds really awful. Totally selfish.

Why are you even with her? She hounds horrendous

You’re not an alarm clock. She’s a full grown woman what’s wrong with her?

She's horrible and you deserve better.

Why on earth are you with this horrible person? She has taken no responsibility for herself. You looked after the baby and she has made your family feel unwelcome. What are her redeeming features? Id love to know!
So far it seems like she does nto want to b with you and there is no love nor affection? Shes detached from you and the life youve built

Abusive

I bet there is a heavy atmosphere in that house a lot, and you try not to upset her when she's in a mood and you walk on eggshells sometimes. Sometimes whatever you do seems not to be enough for her. Am I right at all?
Red flags. Take YOUR baby and make a new life and be free and be able to breathe without this person who, I'm sorry, sounds oppressive and unpleasant. Imagine the next 18 years old trying to parent with that person!

I’m ashamed to say I used to behave like this too and it was because I had no self awareness and was so selfish all I was really concerned with was how I felt. I suggest you be very direct with your partner and explain that she is a grown up and tantrums and disrespect towards your family will not be tolerated. Maybe remind dp that it’s how you make someone feel is how you’ll be remembered - that’s something that really hit home
me with me at that time. The lift thing will be a catalyst your dp will fell put upon rightly or wrongly, I hope that her behaviour improves and if not I suggest you part ways sooner than later.

As a mother who experienced pnd and psychosis due to a drop in hormones I find this really insulting

She’s abusive and you’re in an abusive relationship. Sorry OP.

And I agree. Take your baby and build a nice and calm and happy life without this person.

Oh god she needs to grow up and stop being a princess. Why has she been languishing in bed for so long??

Ive had the absolute shittiest of cold virus thing for 3 days, Christmas Day I wanted to curl up and sleep but I have young children so I had an early start, put a smile on my face in between coughing, wiping my nose and rushing to the loo so I didn’t wet myself from the coughing!!

No sympathy for your princess, she should’ve got her butt out of bed!

Don’t be a doormat!!

Sounds to me like DP is suffering from prenatal depression (assuming she’s the parent who just gave birth) she may not have had the emotional strength to make herself get up and may have been relying on your expectation/requirement of her getting up to be the force that pushed her to do what was needed. OP is not at fault, and yes you are right to have thought you were doing the right thing since she obviously needs the rest. But DP may be taking out her guilt of feeling incapable on you, making it your fault she didn’t get up, instead of acknowledging that she couldn’t do it by herself as she may be feeling she isn’t good enough. If you say she was lay in bed on her phone, then she knew what time it was and just couldn’t bring herself to get out of bed without an outside influence. It may be time to gently discuss how she is feeling and do some reading up on postnatal depression. Good luck to you both and congratulations on your new addition

I mean, I’ve not made it up. Just a fact. Google it. 🙃

Also, you have the right to be insulted. That’s okay 😊

As the OP has repeatedly called the DP "her" and the OP is the birth mother, we can pretty much rule out any males in this.