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Original poster

Feel so disappointed with yesterday

223 replies

grasshopper20 · 26/12/2022 09:41

I feel really bad about yesterday. Didn't go at all how I imagined.
This is our first year with DD.

DP has been poorly for the last few days. I've had DD on my own while DP has been in bed for the last few days. All day, all night.

Yesterday DP woke up but said she needed to go back to bed for a couple of hours so I said that's fine, go to sleep and we'll open presents and get ready when she wakes up.
Anyway it gets to 10.20am so I go upstairs (not knowing how long to leave it), DP is in bed on her phone. So I said 'oh good, you're up, let's go downstairs, what do you want for breakfast?' Etc.

DP comes downstairs but is annoyed with me for not waking her up sooner saying 'there's things I wanted us to do this morning such as..' and listed things she wanted to do with the baby.
Basically she wanted a relaxing Xmas morning. Who doesn't?!
And was annoyed I'd not woken her at 9 Instead.

DP was really annoyed in the morning and kept going on about how we were going to be late (going out for a meal with family). That the morning wasn't relaxed.
We still hadn't opened presents (which we then left to the evening). Kept saying 'why didn't you just wake me?!'

We needed to leave the house by 11.50am (picking up family to go out).
It ended up being a big argument.

We went out but later wasn't speaking again as DP was saying things that annoyed her about my family. I.e. them expecting her to pick them up and drop them off etc (which is true).

I just feel so bad. I felt bad that I hadn't woken her up earlier.
I just wanted her to rest because she'd been poorly and I knew it was a busy day. I genuinely thought I was doing a good thing by letting her lie in but really I do understand she wanted a relaxing morning and it ended up being rushed.

I just feel sad we weren't speaking half the day and it was our first Christmas with a baby. It was just awful really.

OP posts:
DifferentYearSameShit · 26/12/2022 10:01

Did she say she wanted you to wake her up at 9? If not then how the bloody hell are you meant to know. Don't let another person control how you feel.
you weren't to know she wanted to wake up at 9
you weren't to know she had plans

take it she can tell the time but decided to go on her phone rather than get up and talk through the plans she wanted to do

Outtasteamandluck · 26/12/2022 10:01

Oh this gives me the rage!!

She could / should have set an alarm and how long had she been on her phone when you went in at 10:20????

Did she ask you to wake her at a specific time???

Plus 10:20 to 11:50 is more than enough time to get ready.

Her spoiling Christmas with her attitude is just not on!!! Especially the first.

SadOrWickedFairy · 26/12/2022 10:06

DP arranged to collect my family and drop them back home. DP was annoyed they didn't offer to get a taxi and that it's left to her pick them up and drop them off.

Your DP shouldn't arrange or offer to collect and then moan about it. Can you drive your DP's car?

When they got in the car she said 'next year you need to find a way to make your own way to us rather than me picking you up' so it felt like there was an atmosphere from the off.

Rude, clearly going out of her way to make your family feel unwelcome.

I think your DP was determined to ruin and sabotage the day.

Member869894 · 26/12/2022 10:09

I think she was just out to ruin the day as she doesn't like your family. Lying in bed with her phone then blaming you for not waking her up is just taking the piss

JonahAndTheSnail · 26/12/2022 10:10

When they got in the car she said 'next year you need to find a way to make your own way to us rather than me picking you up' so it felt like there was an atmosphere from the off. So DP offered to give them a lift and them complained about having to do it as soon as she got in the car? What a headfuck, that's not normal behaviour. I couldn't cope with a partner who somehow expects me to be a mindreader, but then also changes the goal posts at the last minute, it sounds very stressful.

AngelinaFibres · 26/12/2022 10:10

grasshopper20 · 26/12/2022 09:59

DP drives. I do but don't have a car at the moment. My family don't drive. DP arranged to collect my family and drop them back home. DP was annoyed they didn't offer to get a taxi and that it's left to her pick them up and drop them off.

DP doesn't drink so I think there's sometimes an expectation she will do it.
I said to her she's happy to do it whenever it's her family. She wouldn't say a word if it's her family.
But when it's mine she will say how much it annoys her, makes comments to my family about it.

When they got in the car she said 'next year you need to find a way to make your own way to us rather than me picking you up' so it felt like there was an atmosphere from the off.

Show quote history

Why aren't you both insured to drive the car.

dampthursday · 26/12/2022 10:10

If she’d been sound asleep when you went up there I would have had a little bit of sympathy for her. Maybe she assumed you would come and wake her up at a good time for present opening or after a couple of hours, like she said. However as she was fiddling about on her phone when you went up there she was being very unreasonable for getting cross with you. If it was later than she expected then why didn’t she get up straight away when she saw what the time was?

Thepeopleversuswork · 26/12/2022 10:11

She sounds at best spoiled and at worst abusive OP. The way she spoke to your family was awful.

Whats your relationship like I’m general?

Fairislefandango · 26/12/2022 10:13

She sounds like a total pain in the arse. If anything made the morning not relaxed, it was her throwing a strop about the fact that she didn't get up as early as she wanted to.

Lenald · 26/12/2022 10:14

grasshopper20 · 26/12/2022 09:59

DP drives. I do but don't have a car at the moment. My family don't drive. DP arranged to collect my family and drop them back home. DP was annoyed they didn't offer to get a taxi and that it's left to her pick them up and drop them off.

DP doesn't drink so I think there's sometimes an expectation she will do it.
I said to her she's happy to do it whenever it's her family. She wouldn't say a word if it's her family.
But when it's mine she will say how much it annoys her, makes comments to my family about it.

When they got in the car she said 'next year you need to find a way to make your own way to us rather than me picking you up' so it felt like there was an atmosphere from the off.

Show quote history

I agree with her for the driving thing and only that. Ofc she won’t mind with her family.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 26/12/2022 10:14

She is ridiculous. I think the only thing I could say in that situation is "I am embarrassed for you and I won't be engaging with any of this nonsense."

pictoosh · 26/12/2022 10:14

Ehhhh...no chance. It is not your responsibility or obligation to wake her up. My dh actually tried this with me a couple of times but I tell you, I (metaphorically) put him on his arse on that one.

Anyway, it sounds like she woke up spoiling for...well, a spoil basically. She sabotaged the day for her own entertainment. She sounds like an arsehole.

ButterflyOil · 26/12/2022 10:15

Yea that sounds fuck all to do with a lie in and everything to do with not liking your family and resenting driving.

Out of interest what illness did she have that meant she was unable to do anything for days and days? Not even anything with the baby? Must have been serious.

Gazelda · 26/12/2022 10:16

She doesn't sound very pleasant at all. She sounds rude and self centred.

How is she today? Is she sharing the caring with your baby? Are you seeing your side of the family? Has she apologised for her behaviour? Is she grateful to you for pulling together Christmas while she was ill?

rainbowstardrops · 26/12/2022 10:19

You've done nothing wrong and she sounds like a right pain in the arse!

Quitelikeit · 26/12/2022 10:19

Also strange how she was awake and on her phone?

TonTonMacoute · 26/12/2022 10:22

If you are together and have a baby together, then your family are her family.

She sounds quite selfish and spoilt, and you need to stand up for yourself and get her to start pulling her weight in your family occasions and commitments, or else you will end up being her servant.

Xiaoxiong · 26/12/2022 10:23

God I hate people that ruin a day with their moods and sulks and take it out on people around them. It's emotional incontinence - she knew she should have got up earlier but blamed you, she didn't want to pick up family member so moaned about it, etc. Stand up for yourself, don't be a doormat!

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 26/12/2022 10:26

She is responsible for getting her own arse out of bed, remind her she is living in real life not a fairy trail.

Beamur · 26/12/2022 10:26

Member869894 · 26/12/2022 10:09

I think she was just out to ruin the day as she doesn't like your family. Lying in bed with her phone then blaming you for not waking her up is just taking the piss

This.
If so, that's pretty shitty behaviour.
Does this kind of thing happen often?
I think 'wanting to do things with DD' is an excuse and not entirely truthful.

ZforZebra · 26/12/2022 10:29

If she was on her phone when you went to wake her she was already aware of the time and could’ve woken up earlier? I don’t understand why waking her up was your responsibility in addition to looking after the baby alone for the past 24 hrs at least. She should be thanking you for trying to give her a break and recover!

Dwrcegin · 26/12/2022 10:30

Sounds like you have two babies. Trying to guilt trip you for not waking her sooner...she was awake on her phone!

When they got in the car she said 'next year you need to find a way to make your own way to us rather than me picking you up' so it felt like there was an atmosphere from the off.

That is so bloody rude of her. She needs to grow up and stop being an arsehole (to you and your family). Sorry you had such a shit xmas day.

Original poster
grasshopper20 · 26/12/2022 10:31

Gazelda · 26/12/2022 10:16

She doesn't sound very pleasant at all. She sounds rude and self centred.

How is she today? Is she sharing the caring with your baby? Are you seeing your side of the family? Has she apologised for her behaviour? Is she grateful to you for pulling together Christmas while she was ill?

She's still in bed funnily enough. I've been up twice to wake her up as we are going out again in an hour or so.
She won't apologise. She won't see there's anything to apologise for.

OP posts:
Inkpotlover · 26/12/2022 10:34

She was wrong to blame you for not getting her up when she was lying in bed on her phone, but I think your family was BU for not arranging alternative transport given she had been ill in bed all week. What if she'd still been really poorly on Christmas Day? Was their plan still for her to drag herself out of bed to fetch them?

LuluBlakey1 · 26/12/2022 10:34

She's an emotional bully and an unpleasant, rude person.You can tell her that from me 😁