Feel so disappointed with yesterday

[grasshopper20]

I feel really bad about yesterday. Didn't go at all how I imagined.
This is our first year with DD.

DP has been poorly for the last few days. I've had DD on my own while DP has been in bed for the last few days. All day, all night.

Yesterday DP woke up but said she needed to go back to bed for a couple of hours so I said that's fine, go to sleep and we'll open presents and get ready when she wakes up.
Anyway it gets to 10.20am so I go upstairs (not knowing how long to leave it), DP is in bed on her phone. So I said 'oh good, you're up, let's go downstairs, what do you want for breakfast?' Etc.

DP comes downstairs but is annoyed with me for not waking her up sooner saying 'there's things I wanted us to do this morning such as..' and listed things she wanted to do with the baby.
Basically she wanted a relaxing Xmas morning. Who doesn't?!
And was annoyed I'd not woken her at 9 Instead.

DP was really annoyed in the morning and kept going on about how we were going to be late (going out for a meal with family). That the morning wasn't relaxed.
We still hadn't opened presents (which we then left to the evening). Kept saying 'why didn't you just wake me?!'

We needed to leave the house by 11.50am (picking up family to go out).
It ended up being a big argument.

We went out but later wasn't speaking again as DP was saying things that annoyed her about my family. I.e. them expecting her to pick them up and drop them off etc (which is true).

I just feel so bad. I felt bad that I hadn't woken her up earlier.
I just wanted her to rest because she'd been poorly and I knew it was a busy day. I genuinely thought I was doing a good thing by letting her lie in but really I do understand she wanted a relaxing morning and it ended up being rushed.

I just feel sad we weren't speaking half the day and it was our first Christmas with a baby. It was just awful really.

Your DP was totally unreasonable about the alarm. She’s a grown ass woman who needs to set her own bloody alarm.

However, YABU to expect her to ferry around your family, she is not a chauffer.

My family don't drive. DP arranged to collect my family and drop them back home. DP was annoyed they didn't offer to get a taxi and that it's left to her pick them up and drop them off.

DP doesn't drink so I think there's sometimes an expectation she will do it.

*I said to her she's happy to do it whenever it's her family.

She wouldn't say a word if it's her family.

But when it's mine she will say how much it annoys her, makes comments to my family about it.

Yes, because that’s HER family! There are things that I do for my mum and sisters and nieces and nephews that I don’t do for my MIL and SILs/BILs and their children.

Why do you expect her to drive your family around?

And DP should just stop offering lifts.

With birth children too? I stand corrected then.

What a horrible thing to say. Did Baby P’s love her baby? He’s have been alive and well if adopted.

*Baby P’s mum

She’s in the wrong about the waking up, she should have set an alarm.
you’re in the wrong about the lifts. She’s not a taxi driver. How many extra lifts did she have to do given she would have only had 2 spare seats with baby and you in the car? It sounds like a regular thing You need to tell your family to get a taxi or sort your own car out. Her wanting to give lifts to her own family is totally irrelevant

@grasshopper20 Your partner is hugely unreasonable!
She has a phone?
A smartphone, I assume? They have timers on them.
Assume she isn't a child.
She is capable of waking herself up.

Don't take any nonsense!

Spot on!
What utter bollocks to say only a ''Birth'' mother is capable of love!

There are awful birth mothers out there, and great adoptive ones.

She sounds controlling. Being critical of your family and kicking off when you see them?? No thanks.

But if she's always been like this, what do you do? Talk to her? Tell her how you feel? Give her an ultimatum?

She just doesn't sound very nice. She bullies you, she's lazy - what's good about her?

OP your partner sounds selfish, lazy and manipulative I am sorry to say. Blaming you for her not getting up is ridiculous.
Having a baby can put a huge strain on a couple because it's a big life change. It sounds like she is not ready to think about someone else.

First question: Why is she the only one who drives among loads of adults? Pretty unusual (& I say that as a non-driver myself, because all my family drive)

Second question: since she's the only driver & you have a young baby between you, why weren't you just driving to her folks / your folks where they were taking care of Xmas dinner?

Otherwise...set alarm & don't be a t**t as others said!!

I hope that your DW has some redeeming qualities, @grasshopper20 because TBH she isn't coming across well here...

She sounds very childish, and it doesn't seem like she's pulling her weight with your baby? After all, you're the one who's gone through the whole physical side of becoming parents, and she doesn't sound the most supportive?

Does she have any reason to dislike your family? I wasn't that keen on my DH's family for many reasons, but I kept that to myself for the most part.

Expecting her to do all the driving, particularly ferrying your family around, is annoying but it's really not putting her out all that much.

A discussion needs to be had!

My partner lets me have a lie in every now and again as I'm the one BFing baby during the night.
One time I woke up super late and had somewhere to be that morning. I rushed around to get me and baby out the house and turned up at little late. At no point did I even think to blame DP! He'd done a nice thing letting me sleep in

Oh crumbs op. Sorry but she doesn't want to be with you anymore and is making up petty arguments as she doesn't have the balls to tell you 💐

@ItsACrater

Do you have adopted and birth children? If not, then you can't know. And even if you do, you don't speak for everyone in the world.

You sound far too nice and understanding. It's her fault she woke up late and you should be annoyed at her.

Time to stop being a doormat and tell the swine to take responsibility for her own actions.

Just celebrated the most wonderful Christmas with my adopted six year old twins. Wouldn't swap them for any other kids in the world, including the children I couldn't birth.

It sounds to me as though there might be unaddressed resentments on both sides causing arguments to spring up? What is the real root here? It's just not rational for your DP to get annoyed by something she is entirely responsible for which is when she gets out of bed.

Ouch, what a horrible thing to say. I'm pretty sure my DH loves our DC just as much as I do.
You don't have to birth a child to love it with all your being.
OP, your partner was shitty. Demand an apology and watch her carefully. You don't want this to become a pattern.

This sounds like postpartum depression. I would recommend you get some help for her. Take care

Unfortunately thats the thing with xmas. You have all these expectations for a whole year on how it'll be but its nothing like this. I haven't felt xmassy for 3years. I dont get enough help. OH got up yestetday for Stockings then disappeared to the kitchen. I didn't sleep much the night before either.
I agree she could have a, set an alarm or b, told you the night before but also if she was playing on her phone then she was awake but still didn't get up she's probably angry with herself but projecting it onto you.

I've tried lowering my expectations but next year I want to do something different like go on holiday...

DP WAS awake and on her phone. Why do you have to be her brain? How long was she upstairs sulking? Was she posting “Poor Me” miserable bullshit on SM? What a twerp.

The OP is the birth mother as said several times

What’s the female equivalent of LTB? Whatever it is, do that.

You have done nothing except let your ill partner rest, which is lovely. You were putting her first from the sounds of things.
She a. didn’t ask you to wake her up by a certain time or b. set an alarm. But somehow it’s all your fault?
Are you really going to put up with someone so ungrateful who wants to pin every issue on you for the rest of your life? Fuck no, get her out!

Postpartum depression without the partum? Not sure how you worked that one out, it’s not contagious!