Christmas dinner at midday 😱

[PleaseTakeItOff]

This is bonkers, isn’t it?

Having dinner at DM’s tomorrow and dbro, SIL and their 2 dc will also be there (they’re staying at DM’s, we’re local). Popped round today and asked what time they want us there tomorrow so I can finish assembling trifle and set table etc. DM says 2/3, SIL looks aghast and says that it needs to be on the table at 12 as their dc (2yo and 4yo) always have lunch then. DM and I suggest they have a sandwich lunch and we do Christmas dinner at their tea time instead so 4/5ish but SIL thinks that’s ridiculous.

This now means we’ll have to get up even earlier for dc to have time to open and play with their presents for a few hours before walking over to DM’s at 10.30. It means DM is stressed about having to get up even earlier to start dinner rather than being able to enjoy a leisurely breakfast, morning of present opening. Dbro thinks we should do what SIL wants and as it’s her first Christmas she’s spent with our side of the family rather than hers then of course we all want to try and accommodate her. I’ve never really done Christmas with people other than my own family and now I’m wondering if it’s odd not to have Christmas dinner at midday.

Just say no, we usually eat at 16.30

We have ours at 1pm ish.
But as a child we didn't have presents (apart from stockings) until after lunch, so an earlier lunch was just fine!

Er no. I wouldn't even be able to eat then, I'd have to go without breakfast then I'd be starving by 6. Whoever is cooking sets dinner time, within reason.

Midday is ridiculous! We tend to eat at about 1:30-2ish, but that’s just because it’s just the 4 of us. I think the suggestion of giving the kids a snacky lunch and eating at 4:30 is a perfectly sensible compromise.

Midday? Absolutely not! Probably around 3pm.

Oh no so is one of those people that expect you to evolve the entire day around her kids. Midday is ridiculous..

Sure don't feed the toddler..they won't nap then..it will be chaos.

Ds always had lunch at 12 so we did Christmas dinner at his teatime about 4pm.

There's probably lots of room for compromise etc here.

Personally if your only issue is time for the kids to be up and playing with their toys I'd probably recommend letting them open and start playing first thing at your house. Then take a break in opening presents and pick a few toys to take over to your DMs so they can continue playing there. You can finish opening presents in the evening or even on boxing day if you don't get a chance to do them all Christmas day?

FWIW Christmas dinner is always at 2/3pm ish anywhere I've been 🤷. We have a 1yo and 3yo and I'm planning for 2pm tomorrow, but every family is different and some kids are more flexible than others/open to routine changes.

Bloody hell - how entitled is SIL?!

She's a guest. She shouldn't be dictating when dinner is.

I can see both sides of things, could a compromise be reached for 1.30pm?

Have dinner whenever you like. But please be gracious when their toddler starts playing up.

This is absolutely ridiculous the kids can eat fruit for snacks or a bit of cheese for goodness sake .

I have a 2YO and we will aim to eat about 3pm. She naps still from around 12.30 and if dinner is a bit late or she's tired it will be no fun for anyone. So better to aim for when she's up!

We've always eaten at about 3pm on Christmas Day. When the DC were younger, they used to have a bowl of pasta or beans on toast at midday. Then, if they still napped, they had their nap as usual and then happily tucked into as much or as little Christmas lunch at they wanted

Your SIL is being ridiculous. She can give the toddler and preschooler a lunch at 12 and have the Christmas meal later.

Your mum should stand up for herself.

If I am hosting I aim for 4.30 drinks and nibbles, sit down by 5.30; but DH’s family find that way too late and never stop with the passive aggressive question . My family are just glad someone invited them.

I think the suggestion of a sandwich lunch for the kids is a good one. Eat later , then they can disappear to bed and adults can relax and hit the cheese board.

Say no

Whoever is hosting can decide what time is best. If someone has specific requirements then don’t wait until the day before to tell the host!

we have always eaten at 2pm but if someone else was hosting I wokld go with their timings.

If you do what your SIL wants this year, she'll expect you to dance to her tune every year. The two year old can have whatever for lunch at 12, the 4 year old can wait a couple of hours.

The chef sets the times IMO. Guests should work around that.

We normally eat around 1.30-2pm as we like to have a lie-in before taking the dog for a long walk, then the chicken goes in the oven when we get back around 11.30ish.

Why wouldn't they feed the toddler at 12? What's wrong with a sandwich and then a later meal?
Do you feed toddlers roast dinners at midday usually?

It’s immaterial what time the OP or the SIL wants lunch.

Neither of them is cooking it.

Dbro thinks we should do what SIL wants and as it’s her first Christmas she’s spent with our side of the family rather than hers then of course we all want to try and accommodate her.

As it’s the first Christmas she’s spent with your family you should do it as your family usually does it. She should fall in, as a guest.

The age of the children is fine for them to wait - they’re not babies or toddlers.

Your mum should say no.

Ridiculous! She needs to just give her toddler a sandwich at lunch time and then Christmas dinner can be an early tea.

Imagine dictating when someone should serve the dinner they've invited you to...