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Original poster

Christmas dinner at midday 😱

208 replies

PleaseTakeItOff · 24/12/2022 15:47

This is bonkers, isn’t it?

Having dinner at DM’s tomorrow and dbro, SIL and their 2 dc will also be there (they’re staying at DM’s, we’re local). Popped round today and asked what time they want us there tomorrow so I can finish assembling trifle and set table etc. DM says 2/3, SIL looks aghast and says that it needs to be on the table at 12 as their dc (2yo and 4yo) always have lunch then. DM and I suggest they have a sandwich lunch and we do Christmas dinner at their tea time instead so 4/5ish but SIL thinks that’s ridiculous.

This now means we’ll have to get up even earlier for dc to have time to open and play with their presents for a few hours before walking over to DM’s at 10.30. It means DM is stressed about having to get up even earlier to start dinner rather than being able to enjoy a leisurely breakfast, morning of present opening. Dbro thinks we should do what SIL wants and as it’s her first Christmas she’s spent with our side of the family rather than hers then of course we all want to try and accommodate her. I’ve never really done Christmas with people other than my own family and now I’m wondering if it’s odd not to have Christmas dinner at midday.

OP posts:
WrinklyDad · 24/12/2022 17:12

Absolutely bonkers, whoever hosts sets the time not their guests. Drives me crazy when people rock up to others houses and expect people to abide by their schedule. Certain situations I do understand (baby feeding schedule for example) but in this case no. Give them a sandwich and eat later on in the day.

If SiL insists then say your DC schedule is that they get to play with their toys Christmas morning and so will be over mid afternoon as per usual

Lenald · 24/12/2022 17:13

Hahaha no. You’ve come up with a very reasonable alternative. Tomorrow just tell her no.

chocolateoranges33 · 24/12/2022 17:13

We have ours around 12/12.30. Started when DC were small & needed to eat then. We've kept to it as they've got older and I eouks struggle to eat at 2/3. I don't have breakfast so wouldn't be able to go that long. Also means we have a full buffet at about 6pm so get 2 fab dinners in one day!

ConsuelaHammock · 24/12/2022 17:13

The host chooses the time!

Caspianberg · 24/12/2022 17:14

No chance
We have a 2 year old also. He will eat breakfast, Probably million biscuits and snacks, then we will eat around 1-2pm depending on when convenient

pigsDOfly · 24/12/2022 17:15

So SIL, a guest, gets to have things her way, thereby inconveniencing everyone and causing the host a lot of added stress, so that two small children, who will probably only eat a few spoonful's of the meal anyway, can have a Christmas dinner at their usual lunch time.

Sod that.

The small children can have a small child lunch at their usual time so that everyone else gets the chance to enjoy their meal at the time they'd usually eat Christmas dinner.

SIL is being entitled and very rude. She's a guest in someone else's house. She doesn't get to dictate what time you all eat.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 24/12/2022 17:16

I can't imagine being a guest in someone's house and dictating what was happening

Lcb123 · 24/12/2022 17:16

Whoever cooks should decide. Not fair someone has to get up first thing and start cooking, if they don’t want to!

KangarooKenny · 24/12/2022 17:16

We have ours at 5pm, better for the kids.

LimeCheesecake · 24/12/2022 17:16

It does also depend if granny wants children at the table or happy for SIL and DGC to be elsewhere, uninterested in a meal she’s made when they’ve already had “lunch” to keep them going.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 24/12/2022 17:21

What's her actual reason for not wanting to give the kids lunch at their normal time and then xmas dinner at the normal time they have dinner?

If it's because they are complete terrors at dinner time then I'd have more sympathy than if it's just 'not the way they do things'

WeepingSomnambulist · 24/12/2022 17:22

Everyone I know, and I mean everyone, has Christmas dinner, not christmas lunch. 4PM is probably the earliest anyone has it but it is usually nearer between 5 and 7.

I'm in Scotland. Dont know if that makes a difference but my whole childhood, all of my friends and all my family had xmas dinner. Now I'm an adult, all the school mums etc ahve Christmas dinner. No one has it anywhere near lunch time.

Original poster
PleaseTakeItOff · 24/12/2022 17:24

LimeCheesecake · 24/12/2022 17:06

Op - if you are eating at 12, why would you have to get there for 10:30? Surely you an just aim to get there for 11:30ish?

I don’t have to get there for 10.30, I’d need to leave mine with my dc at 10.30 to walk over to get there for 11. Then I’d spend an hour helping dm finish off dinner, lay the table, finish off the trifle etc. It’s only a 5 minute drive but if I drive then I can’t have a drink.

OP posts:
StickyCricket · 24/12/2022 17:24

I can’t imagine trying to dictate what time everyone should eat on Christmas Day like your SIL is doing and 12 is too early for me personally.

However… I’d be interested to hear an update tomorrow.

I suspect your SIL has got a rigid routine with the children that works for her, and I’d like to know if your brother gets stuck in with caring for and distracting and entertaining his own children if and when they are fractious and missing their nap and out of their routine and start playing up, or if he sits there drinking and stuffing his face ignoring them while expecting SIL to do it all.

Original poster
PleaseTakeItOff · 24/12/2022 17:27

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 24/12/2022 17:21

What's her actual reason for not wanting to give the kids lunch at their normal time and then xmas dinner at the normal time they have dinner?

If it's because they are complete terrors at dinner time then I'd have more sympathy than if it's just 'not the way they do things'

She had just assumed that we’d be having it at that time and looked absolutely horrified when my mum told me to come round at 2/3 to help her finish it off.

OP posts:
LadyGaGasPokerFace · 24/12/2022 17:28

We have ours around 2/2.30. We have croissants (savoury and sweet) for breakfast after gifts have been opened.
Won’t the kids have filled up with chocolate anyway?

Murdoch1949 · 24/12/2022 17:29

Good god, that's far too early. We've only just finished breakfast then. Little ones should have a small lunch at 12, and be grateful for it.

WeepingSomnambulist · 24/12/2022 17:31

Murdoch1949 · 24/12/2022 17:29

Good god, that's far too early. We've only just finished breakfast then. Little ones should have a small lunch at 12, and be grateful for it.

They should be grateful for lunch?

You think that toddlers at their grandparents' house should be grateful to be given lunch?

What planet are you on?

Blossomtoes · 24/12/2022 17:32

Sil has pretty much guaranteed not being invited again, hasn’t she? What a cheek, you do what your host chooses in someone else’s house.

Foldingchair · 24/12/2022 17:33

1pm this year cos we're hosting my parents and I have to drive them here and home again, which means I can't have a drink until I've deposited them home. Which means I want to be home, in my pjs and with a glass of fizz by 5pm.

Phineyj · 24/12/2022 17:34

This thread is quite interesting. Based on the voting, around 20% of people eat earlier, 80% later. I grew up with the Christmas meal served at our normal lunchtime which for us was no later than 1pm. I was really surprised to encounter the 5pm Christmas "lunch" especially as no-one actually told me it would be at tea time. Maybe SIL's family was/is like that too.

Anyway I can guarantee one thing OP - your SIL now feels unwelcome and won't want to come again. I felt like absolute crap the year I had to take our toddler back to DPILs (without having had a chance to eat anything myself) because she was disrupting the meal so much.

LimeCheesecake · 24/12/2022 17:34

drive over then walk home, pick up the car on Boxing Day?

or ask brother /SIL to set table /help out with cooking as it’s being moved early to accommodate them?

Bluevases · 24/12/2022 17:35

Has the SIL really been demanding things? She's 'looked' in a way which you think is her being horrified and then people have agreed with her timing. She might be being obnoxious but from what you've said, she just seems a bit PFB and you've all gone along with it. I hope you all have a lovely day whatever time you eat.

thing47 · 24/12/2022 17:36

Serious breakdown in communication here! I do think someone should have checked with your brother what time his children eat lunch, as I wouldn't expect a 2 and a 4 year old to wait until 5pm…

But no, as guests they don't get to call the shots, particularly when it's stressing your DM out. Your suggestion of a midday lunch for the little ones followed by a 5pm Christmas lunch/dinner is surely the right compromise.

I would just tell SIL 'well Christmas meal is at 5pm. What you feed your DCS up until that point is entirely up to you'.

Phineyj · 24/12/2022 17:37

I don't think it's rude to have a discussion about food times when there are small DC. But the day before is not helpful. DBro should have raised it a while ago. How did it not occur to him to do so? Did no-one think to have a quick chat on either side?